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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited by Moderator)
Looking for some honest opinions. I met my wife in the Philippines 35 years ago. She was working in a bar as a bar girl, you can pay the bar to take them out, they act like your girlfriends and they will spend the night, several days if you like. I was tall, extremely skinny, had no self-confidence, and very naïve. I asked her to stop working in the bar until I returned to the U.S and could file for a fiancé visa. I was stationed in Okinawa, but I would fly down to be with her several times. A year ago, I finally realized that she was seeing other guys while she was waiting for me to bring her to the U.S.

Being malnourished throughout my adolescence my puberty was delayed, as a result my penis is 4 and ¾ fully erect. I have felt shame because of that all my life. While talking several months ago she mentioned that I had the smallest penis of all the men she had been with. I asked her if the other girls asked about my size because I was so tall, she said yes, but I didn’t tell them anything. She had had a couple of drinks when she told me this.

A couple weeks later I told her that it bothered me what she had said. She then denied ever saying it, when I asked her about my size, she said back then she didn’t know anything about men having different size penises and she had no idea that my **** is shorter. The only good thing is I am 6.2 in girth. I have told her that I know that I was the smallest, and it would help if she could be honest with me about it. I have brought this up a few times, but she is sticking with her story that she has no memory of any difference in the size of men’s penises that she slept with.

She has been a good wife but we have had a couple of issues. Several years into our marriage I found a letter from another man in her things. I am not sure if she brought it with her or he sent it while we were together. A few months ago, she admitted that she talked to the guy on the phone after she moved in with me, but that they were just friends. I only am mentioning this because she will lie to get herself out of an uncomfortable situation. She says the only reason that she kept the letter was for sentimental reasons.

My question is, and I am naïve for even asking, but is there any way that she was not aware of the sizes of men’s penises? Our first night together she gave my penis a look over and gave a little oral. I would really like to hear from a woman about what you think of the situation. I would just like the truth so as not to wonder what the truth is. Thanks for your time.

It is or was quite common for military men to marry women working in the bars. Most of the women are desperate and given a chance they make great wives.
 

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It's completely possible that she was not focused on penis size.

I've never even thought about the difference in size of the men I've had sex with. That's not what matters. What matters is whether or not they were loving and not self centered during sex.
 

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Stop picking at this scab. Acting insecure and afraid of your penis size is likely to turn her off much more than the actual size.

I don't get guys like you. You have what you have. Short (no pun intended) of surgery, this is all you'll ever have. You know it's small. How exactly will badgering her to lie to you make it any bigger?

Put your efforts into being a generous and proficient lover. If you think sex starts and ends with **** size, you wouldn't be able to please her if you had a salami between your legs.

Also, if she is a liar as you say, you have bigger problems than size. Big dongs don't inject truth serum any more than small ones.
 

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If you have been together for 35 years why are you worrying about this now? Its way way in the past, and even if most the men she had sex with were bigger so what? What will you do about it? I am assuming that you have had a good marriage if its lasted so long so just let it go.
 

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The only good thing is I am 6.2 in girth.
So, just trying to understand here...your 'malnourished' status in childhood made your penis very short, yet it didn't affect the girth? How on earth does THAT happen? Come on now, OP.

I have told her that I know that I was the smallest, and it would help if she could be honest with me about it. I have brought this up a few times, but she is sticking with her story that she has no memory of any difference in the size of men’s penises that she slept with.
It would "help" in what way? So you can wallow even more in it? Why are you hounding her to say something she clearly doesn't want to say? What are you trying to prove? What's your payoff in doing that???

My question is, and I am naïve for even asking, but is there any way that she was not aware of the sizes of men’s penises?
Let's not kid ourselves here. I've been in very uncomfortable situations where the guy was extremely small and was totally unaware of it and was actually making comments about his massive manhood. I thought for sure he had to be joking, but he wasn't. I won't lie to a guy and tell him he's well endowed if he's clearly not, I just refuse to lie like that. But I'll try to find something positive to say that isn't a lie. That ain't easy to do, either.

But I just don't understand why you're trying so hard to force your wife to admit to you that she's seen bigger penises. You know she has, I know she has, even my Pomeranian knows she has.

Just learn to accept it and stop beating the poor woman up with YOUR insecurities.

It is or was quite common for military men to marry women working in the bars. Most of the women are desperate and given a chance they make great wives.
Why? Because they're grateful? Docile? Subservient? Just curious.
 

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You can't change it so why worry about it. Work with what you have.

Besides what's the point unless you are John Homes there is probably someone with a bigger one. She married you so assume she was fine with what you had.
 

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Your prior thread was titled "The unknown is killing me." It was a different unknown then; you were suspecting she'd had an affair, and if I recall correctly, you admitted that you'd had one 5 or 6 years ago? Which you kept secret from her but she found out? Why did you try to hide that affair, yet expect her to spill the beans on whatever you suspect she did or knows?

You didn't come to marriage through the usual path; you chose someone who was paid to please men, to put it politely. Women who were looking for a way out by marriage to a serviceman, providing them with their view of the American Dream which was certainly much better than what they were running away from at home. You knew this; you knew your wife had a history, you knew such relationships were based on a practical view of using their, er, feminine charms? It's difficult to put things in a way that doesn't sound bad. But you did, absolutely, enter into a non-traditional (for America and much of the rest of the world) type of marriage.

Forget about specifics for now. See a marriage counselor and discuss your differing notions of privacy. If in fact they are different, since you were hiding an affair from her. You both may be "guilty" of not being straightforward with the other.

How about this. If she's open to it, if you are open to it. Vow to keep no secrets. Unlock the past. And then, knowing what you know, knowing how you feel about each other, would you get married again? If the answer is yes, then renew your vows. If the answer is no, then consider that you, in particular, will never be happy, you will always have these concerns about what she knows that you don't. Dissolve the marriage. Or at least admit to each other that it's a marriage based on practicality and not love.
 

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So, just trying to understand here...your 'malnourished' status in childhood made your penis very short, yet it didn't affect the girth? How on earth does THAT happen? Come on now, OP.

It would "help" in what way? So you can wallow even more in it? Why are you hounding her to say something she clearly doesn't want to say? What are you trying to prove? What's your payoff in doing that???

Let's not kid ourselves here. I've been in very uncomfortable situations where the guy was extremely small and was totally unaware of it and was actually making comments about his massive manhood. I thought for sure he had to be joking, but he wasn't. I won't lie to a guy and tell him he's well endowed if he's clearly not, I just refuse to lie like that. But I'll try to find something positive to say that isn't a lie. That ain't easy to do, either.

But I just don't understand why you're trying so hard to force your wife to admit to you that she's seen bigger penises. You know she has, I know she has, even my Pomeranian knows she has.

Just learn to accept it and stop beating the poor woman up with YOUR insecurities.


Why? Because they're grateful? Docile? Subservient? Just curious.
You have a Pom?
 

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I don't want to try to speak for all women but I think it's safe to say that we are "aware" of penis size. To directly answer your question, it would be hard not to notice the size of something that you are playing with and going into you.

Maybe you can think of it this way. If you are in the supermarket selecting fruit or whatever, you will always "be aware" of the size of the fruit that you are selecting. But unless it's unusually big or small or shaped "differently", you don't really think too much about it. And people's perceptions of what's "big" or "small" and what causes someone to "take note" of the size can be very different. She may have taken note of your thickness.

When I encountered new penises, I sometimes would just comment to myself on something that stands out from others, like "hmmm...that's a ...." Could be shape, whatever dimension. Darker than you would have expected. Veiny, etc. Maybe TMI but my point is that it's just normal to be "aware" of different things but that doesn't mean it's a big deal. No different from any characteristic of a person. Nose size. Eyebrows. Arms. Boobs. Anything.

I don't think you have anything to worry about with size. Women (and men) can always go off and find someone else with with more impressive [choose any attribute]. But it's the combination of all attributes (your humor, your kindness, your intelligence, your face, etc, etc, etc) that make a person unique and it's that combination that people fall in love with. Don't worry about it!
 

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You want affirmation from your wife that you are "enough" for her.
This stems from the fact that you are very insecure. Not about your body, but about your relationship with her.
Sounds like she's a player, probably a cheater.
I believe that this is your REAL issue.
That's enough to make anybody feel like they are never enough.
You could have a manhood as long as it gets and then you'd be asking if you were too much.
Fix the root issue. You don't trust her. Her infidelities have made you feel insecure.

Do I notice? Yes. Do I comment? Never. There is something good in every penis. Guys with big ones often think that's their only gift, and are poor lovers. More average guys are often more talented with other gifts. ;)
 

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Discussion Starter #13
Thanks for the answers. I am not looking to throw something in her face, I am going to stay with her, I think I am just looking to hear some opinions. I don't want to bring this issue up with her again, I don't want to upset her with my mental issues. I think I am just curious as to why she has a problem talking about this issue. She is the one who told me about being the smallest a few months ago, I am trying to resolve my issues with this. It's is not about if she has had bigger, she has, It's been a life ling issue for me, I am just trying to put the issue away.

I am not the best communicator. When I brought up that women that grew up in Asia usually make good wives, it is actually because they are stronger, not submissive at all. As I have lived and worked in Asia, Europe, and the Middle East I tend to get along wife people from Asia as I have an understanding of how difficult and different their lives can be. Some Americans are too soft, I grew up with quite a few challenges and I seem to get along with people from Asia.
 

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I am just curious as to why she has a problem talking about this issue.
Answer:

I told her that it bothered me what she had said.
Your wife doesn't know what to say, so she avoids talking about it. It's unfortunate that your wife uses "excuses" to bring uncomfortable subjects to an end. This is a breakdown in communication.
 

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Dude, you're a little on the short side but your volume is just fine.

Not a lot of men are going to beat you out in the girth department.

I hope you two can work through your insecurities and possibly hers as well.

My wife's first husband was somewhat enormous downstairs but she was only married to him for two fairly unhappy years.

We have been together for over 28 years, 24 married, and still going strong.

We have two sons and 3 grandchildren, sex is on the menu whenever I desire and she initiates more than I do.

She is my best friend and the love of my life and I guarantee she believes the same about me as well as thinking I'm her best lover.

I could be hung like a roll of nickels and she would feel the same way. Penis size and shape does have an impact on sex but not enough to determine satisfaction in the bedroom and satisfaction in marriage.

Too small and too big are very real problems but you have plenty as long as you care about her pleasure as well as your own.

You have many years under your belt and I hope many more for you.
 

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Basically, you married a prostitute. If you are a guy with an averaged length pecker let alone a shorter one - you should have zero doubts that she's seen longer ones than yours is. However, if you are truly well above average on the girth side at 6.2", then it's quite possible she never had anyone girthier than you. Based on location alone - assuming a lot of U.S. military has been thru the town where your wife worked - chances are she's met someone who was bigger, better in bed, more suave, etc. Especially in her line of work, it would come with the territory.

If she's made you very happy for all these years, then you shouldn't worry about it. Otherwise, pull the plug and find someone else if this is a deal breaker for you ultimately.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
Thanks again for the replies. I don't think that I will be able to look at a tuna can again without a chuckle. Just being able to talk about issues on this board help. I have always come up short on the social skills side of things. If I had full confidence in myself I wouldn't have a ned to post something here.
 

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Most of the women are desperate and given a chance they make great wives.
I think your wife is well described by "desperate", and she took what was, quite possibly, the only method she had of earning a living. I'm also thinking that she got her chance and became a great wife. I agree with the others who said if she has made you happy, why sweat it ?

I think she is telling you the truth that she really paid no attention to "size" or any of the other attributes of her other guys. She was looking for her GI Joe and she found him, and the fact that she doesn't want to discuss it with you indicates to me that she has your emotional well-being and your happiness at heart. She doesn't want to say things which hurt you.

You have been given a difficult handicap. Many guys never get over being smaller. Not only in the penis, but in height, musculature, brain, talents, etc. No matter which department, the thought of being "less than" renders many of us quite unhappy with our lives.

I'll also wager another bet..... I'll bet your wife wouldn't trade you for all her other guys put together.
 

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She's been with you for 35 years. Let the past stay in the past.

I didn't save the link, but I remember reading something about gender differences in Google searches. For searches about penis size, they were virtually all done by males. Within reason, most women aren't that focused on size. It's a rare woman that wouldn't be more attracted to a confident, loving, and sexually giving man with smaller than average equipment vs a largely endowed man that didn't bring much else to the table. In other words, she's probably much less concerned about your size than about your lack of confidence. Focus on the latter - it is something that matters and something that you can change.
 
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