You say this has been bothering you, and that's a good thing because it means there is hope for you. So, I need you to listen to me. Listen very carefully and take what I say to heart because you received some really, incredibly, unbelievably insane responses here.
DO.NOT.LISTEN.TO.THEM! And here's why......
1. You don't know what you're doing. It's just that simple. Don't take that offensively. Many guys don't know what they are doing, and so, like you, they have to wonder if their partner is getting pleased. If you knew what you were doing, you wouldn't have to wonder about it because a woman's orgasm ordinarily is not by happenstance. Her orgasm shouldn't be something you have to wonder about because you should know for certain. Her orgasms should be deliberate acts on your part, meaning you should be making sure to bring her to orgasm before you orgasm. And in order to make sure, then you have to know how to do it. For you to be wondering about it means it's not something you take care of before yours because you don't know how. I'm sure you've heard the running joke about men, who, after they are done, turn to the woman and ask "Was it good for you?" Well, that's who you sound like. I'm going to assume you have also heard the saying "She cums first" (probably took it as "She comes first"). Well, what do you think that means? It means you have to MAKE her cum.
Sometimes she is into it, most times not that much. Sometimes she orgasms, sometimes not.
Your wife is not into it sometimes and sometimes not. She's never into it. She doesn't orgasm sometimes and sometimes not. She never orgasms. A lot of women fake it. Some women fake it because they don't know what it's really like. Some women fake it because it feels nice but neither she nor the man know how to keep the feeling going. Some women fake it because she feels that if he thinks she's enjoying it, then it's more pleasurable for him, so they fake for his enjoyment. Some women fake it because it makes him cum faster, so they do it just to get it over with because they are bored and don't want to lay there forever pretending to enjoy it.
Your job is to get her into it. Your job is to MAKE her orgasm. That doesn't mean you're supposed to make her orgasm against her will. That wouldn't be possible. It means her orgasm is supposed to be the result of your deliberate actions and skills that you employ for the sole purpose of pleasuring her and bringing her to orgasm. You have to work toward her orgasm first. She might not be in the mood for sex but once sex begins, you should be able to make her enjoy it EVERY time.
Humping her and cumming and then wondering if it was good for her does not cut it. The way you are built (the glans and frenulum areas of your penis) makes sex pleasurable just because you're in the act of intercourse. Therefore, the friction created by humping is automatically pleasurable for you. But obviously women are built differently. There is nothing, no sensitive area, inside your wife's vagina that responds to friction, so humping her is only for your own pleasure. You cannot think, wonder, or even hope that she's enjoying it just because you are enjoying it.
What your wife has are erogenous zones. They are areas in her vagina that respond to pressure, not friction. There are several of them, you can look up the others but the two easiest ones are the A-spot and the G-spot. The A-spot is located deep within. Some men are not large/long enough to reach that one. If you are, then you have to find it. You have to focus on pleasing her by stimulating her A-spot, and you have to last until she reaches orgasm, so if you cannot control your orgasms you need to get busy working on lasting longer. Her A-spot is not difficult to find. Instead of humping, take your time and penetrate all the way in (don't be painful, but I don't know how big you are), apply pressure for a couple seconds or three, and then retreat for a second. Then do it again, again, and again. This creates passion and ecstasy in her, and you will notice in her breathing and possibly moaning. After a short while, you can speed up a little bit at a time, but remember you're applying pressure, not humping, so you don't want to withdraw too far away. After a while, you can start gently pumping. Do this by applying pressure all the while but in very short spurts. Don't withdraw into a hump. Just stay deep and gently pumping. She probably won't orgasm quickly, so you have to be able to last. When she does orgasm, it will be explosive, and then you can cum along with her. If you can't last and you cum before she does, she will be extremely frustrated, and you will be the worst lover ever lol. Remember "She cums first."
But not to worry if you are not large enough to reach her A-spot because her G-spot (this is not her clitoris contrary to popular belief) is much closer and easier to access. A man of any size and length can stimulate a woman's G-spot and bring her to explosive orgasm. You just need to know how to locate it. Just like men are built in different lengths and sizes, women are too, so the G-spot is not in the exact same place for every woman. It's in the exact area but not the same spot. For some, it's only about an inch inside her vagina. It might be 1.5 or 2 inches inside for others. The roof of your mouth is very ridgy. Use your first two fingers to locate her G-spot on the roof just past the opening of her vagina. It's a ridgy area similar to the roof of your mouth. Once you find it, crook your fingers (like you're telling someone to come here) and rub the area while applying pressure. She will love it. Do it until she orgasms. And, now that you know where her G-spot is located, you can also bring her to orgasm with your penis. For easiest access, place her feet on your shoulders with her knees bent. Enter her no further than where her G-spot is located and pump. The G-spot demands a good amount of pressure, so don't pump too gently but don't hurt her either. Even more pleasurable is if you apply pressure in long strokes and build up to pumping as I described in stimulating her A-spot. Don't be surprised if she ejaculates during her explosive orgasm. Just do not think it's urine. She is not peeing on you. G-spot orgasms often make a woman ejaculate a warm fluid.
If you don't go down on your wife, then shame on you because you should. If you do go down on her and are not bringing her to orgasm every single time, then you're not doing it right and just need to know how to do it properly. First off - do not flick your tongue. A lot of men think they are doing something by flicking her clit with their tongue, but that is nothing but annoying. Also, don't concentrate on her clit for too long at a time. Teasing is best initially. The way to suck on her clit is to encompass it with your lips and suck with your lips pursed as if drinking from a straw. Her clitoris is much like the head of your penis but even more sensitive. Right at the base of her clit is the spot similar to your frenulum but much more sensitive. The length of area between the clit and vaginal opening is also sensitive and responds very well to pressure. Use your tongue to stimulate these areas and bring her to orgasm. Gently suck and play with her clit with your tongue but concentrate mostly on the areas directly beneath it, and then go back to the clit. When you're ready to make her cum, gently suck on her clit until she moves your head away.
All the while, you will be driving her crazy, and she'll try to get away from you. But don't let her. Stay with her and make her scream. She will love every moment. During her actual orgasm, she will probably go quiet and won't make a sound, but don't stop until she pushes your head away. She will push you away after the orgasm because her clit will become too extremely sensitive to touch. After you get comfortable doing this over time, you might want to play dirty sometimes and not let her push your head away. I had a boyfriend do this to me before. After many months of us making love and getting accustomed to each other's routines, I wasn't expecting that he wouldn't let me push him away this particular time. He kept sucking on me, and I kept trying to get rid of him. I started screaming at him (angrily) because I was too sensitive and couldn't bear it, but he kept at it and before I knew it, I was screaming in ecstasy within just a few short moments. It felt better than the first time and my second orgasm was a LOT stronger. After I came, we both started laughing. He was quite proud of himself for tricking me, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Now you know several ways to make your wife orgasm. You won't have to wonder or worry about her pleasure anymore.
2.
We have talked about things. She tells me I think to much about it. She tells me everything is fine. She tells me it's ok.
It's not okay. Under no circumstances is it okay. No matter what she says, it is NOT okay. Women say "it's fine" and "it's okay" and "don't worry about it" when they don't know how to talk about it. They don't know how to talk about it because they don't know what to say. Pleasure from sex is easy for you. As you can see from what I explained above, it's much more complicated for women. We don't know how to talk about it or what to say until we learn about our body and learn what pleases us, and we don't learn until those pleasing things happen to us and we see how our body responds to them. They don't happen to us until we are with a man who is knowledgeable and skilled at pleasing us. Up to that point, we have no idea what pleases us until it actually happens. A very good example is how many women (including lots of women on this board) say they don't or can't have vaginal orgasms. They think the only way they can orgasm is by clitoris stimulation, but those are the only orgasms they've ever had. It doesn't mean they can't have vaginal orgasms. They simply don't know they can because they never had one. If they were with a guy who knew how to make them orgasm vaginally, they would see it's not impossible.
That's why your wife won't talk about it. She doesn't know how you can please her any more than you know how to please her because you haven't done it, so the subject is a source of discomfort for her. She wants to be pleased and she wants to orgasm. She just doesn't know how to make those things happen and doesn't know what you can do to make them happen, so she has no idea what to tell you. So far, she probably feels like sex is mainly for men to enjoy. She's likely wondering what all the hullabaloo is about from the female side of things. So, she goes through the motions for your sake and for your pleasure, and she puts you off any attempt at discussion.
We learn about sex and orgasm from men we are intimate with. The more experienced and skillful the man is, the more we learn about our sexual pleasure. That means her orgasms are up to you. You have to get better in bed without her help because she doesn't know how to help you. I gave you some surefire methods, but you should google and research because there's still a lot more you can learn. Just don't make the mistake of thinking you can learn anything from porno videos. Pornography is the antithesis of female pleasure. You can't learn anything from pornography except how to disrespect your wife in the worst ways. And then, don't be surprised if she starts making excuses not to have sex with you.
Sorry I wrote so much but you needed this education.
. She is in the habit of passing me a book if she thinks I will enjoy it and, shock horror, there's a bit of deviancy in it.
