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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Why do SO/H/W always get frustrated,angry, or annoyed when you share what is wrong with you? That is one of my problems with sharing.
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For me it's not getting angry about them sharing, but about what they're sharing. For example, my wife was obviously upset a few weeks ago, and after some prodding she finally told me she was upset that I was friends with some girl on facebook.

I got mad at her. Why? Not because she told me, but because she could feel that way in the first place. She is a notoriously promiscuous woman who has proven all it takes is someone asking nicely for her to cheat. Me? Even with permission and total justification and an ex-girlfriend who really wanted me, I remain faithful. I was upset that her brain could even entertain the notion that there was something wrong with me having a female on my friends list while she's been out having sex with every guy she sees.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Your post and the title are confusing.

Are you asking why people dislike the answer "Nothing" or are you saying that they get mad when you give an actual answer?
I was trying to illustrate the circular trap we can get trapped in while being a couple. I guess I should have made it a little more clear.
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
For me it's not getting angry about them sharing, but about what they're sharing. For example, my wife was obviously upset a few weeks ago, and after some prodding she finally told me she was upset that I was friends with some girl on facebook.

I got mad at her. Why? Not because she told me, but because she could feel that way in the first place. She is a notoriously promiscuous woman who has proven all it takes is someone asking nicely for her to cheat. Me? Even with permission and total justification and an ex-girlfriend who really wanted me, I remain faithful. I was upset that her brain could even entertain the notion that there was something wrong with me having a female on my friends list while she's been out having sex with every guy she sees.
Quite similar to some of my occasions of severing female relationships for her yet she maintained a rather hidden friendship that made me uncomfortable. In the past, but the pain left it's mark.
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Turn it around and tell them what you need? Tell them they are not meeting your needs?

Not being snarky. Just looking for a way to get off your hypothetical merry go round and trying to learn as much as I can.
 
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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Turn it around and tell them what you need? Tell them they are not meeting your needs?

Not being snarky. Just looking for a way to get off your hypothetical merry go round and trying to learn as much as I can.
I learned exactly what you said a little over a year ago. :iagree:

:smthumbup:
It made a big difference. I am looking to see if there are other alternatives to simply stating needs.
 

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Thanks. I wasn't sure, but was taking an educated guess.
 

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I'm gonna stick my neck out here.

What if you were to state back to her what she said in your own words, then just say in your own way, you support her. Immediately after that, state the issue from your position. Don't use the word need.

Then ask what if anything you can do and go from there?
 

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Difficult to understand context when reading on the internet.

Thanks, RD
 
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