[anony2]

I would like to know what other people think of these purity/virginity rings that some children are wearing now.

I find them extremely gross and disturbing. I think that giving children the idea that they are PURE if they are virgins when they get married gives them the ideology that people that do not wait are some how IMPURE.

I think one of the reason that it bothers me so much is that it gives the impression they are promising their virginity to their parents and not their future spouse.




http://womensissues.about.com/b/2009/01/09/the-problem-with-promise-rings-virginity-pledges-and-purity-balls.htm

 

[Maricha75]

Well, the people in my church, as a rule, don't wear jewelry except wedding bands/engagement rings. That said, I see nothing wrong with it if that is what these kids are choosing to do. It is their choice to remain virgins until they marry. Personally, that is what I am going to be teaching my kids...abstinence before marriage is preferred. It is something I wish I had waited to do. I won't love them any less if they choose not to wait, but it doesn't mean I will encourage them to have sex before they marry.

 

[Machiavelli]

I would like to know what other people think of these purity/virginity rings that some children are wearing now.

I find them extremely gross and disturbing. I think that giving children the idea that they are PURE if they are virgins when they get married gives them the ideology that people that do not wait are some how IMPURE.

I think one of the reason that it bothers me so much is that it gives the impression they are promising their virginity to their parents and not their future spouse.

The Problem With Promise Rings, Virginity Pledges and Purity Balls

Men as a group, there are always weird outliers, generally prefer new or limited mileage if acquiring previously sexually conquered women. This is especially true for traditionalists. Also, there is some modern social science that seems to indicate greater marital satisfaction among women with fewer previous partners.

The rings are idiotic, though.

 

[heartsdelight]

When I was in high school I remember some girls who were way into that. They were also the school skanks. Pray to Jesus on Sunday, sex in your car with some guy Monday, spreading gossip Tuesday...needless to say, I didn't respect them that much.

I think that waiting til marriage is important for me personally and I hope for my kids, but I also think it's kind of cheap to wear a ring and pretend like that makes you a good person. I think if that's something you value and treasure you don't need to flaunt it like you're a saint or something.

 

[Coffee Amore]

I would like to know what other people think of these purity/virginity rings that some children are wearing now.

I find them extremely gross and disturbing. I think that giving children the idea that they are PURE if they are virgins when they get married gives them the ideology that people that do not wait are some how IMPURE.

I think one of the reason that it bothers me so much is that it gives the impression they are promising their virginity to their parents and not their future spouse.


The Problem With Promise Rings, Virginity Pledges and Purity Balls

I agree it's a very odd thing. Where are the purity rings for the boys? Those I've seen have been for the girls. It comes off as an ownership of the daughter's sexuality, but not the son's. Where are the purity balls for the sons? And every time the girl has premarital sex is she "cheating" on her father?

 

[anony2]

Well, the people in my church, as a rule, don't wear jewelry except wedding bands/engagement rings. That said, I see nothing wrong with it if that is what these kids are choosing to do. It is their choice to remain virgins until they marry. Personally, that is what I am going to be teaching my kids...abstinence before marriage is preferred. It is something I wish I had waited to do. I won't love them any less if they choose not to wait, but it doesn't mean I will encourage them to have sex before they marry.

That is what is strange about this, I have no problem with the abstinence part, just with the purity/ring thing.

 

[that_girl]

Odd. But I also find it odd to raise children in a religion without giving them a choice. that's just me. I exposed my kids to a lot of religions, my oldest likes to go to church.

Her sexuality is hers. I will expose her to all the pros and cons of sex and stress waiting until adulthood, when she can deal with the consequences of sex, but it's her choice. The ring means nothing. I had a friend in HS who wore one, and she was not a virgin. By far.

 

[Earl Dibbles Jr]

Conjured up by the jewelry makers and diamond companies to sell more rings.

Just like all the other Hallmark holidays.

 

[SimplyAmorous]

I agree it's a very odd thing. Where are the purity rings for the boys? Those I've seen have been for the girls. It comes off as an ownership of the daughter's sexuality, but not the son's. Where are the purity balls for the sons? And every time the girl has premarital sex is she "cheating" on her father?

I did a thread on this a while back... Me & husband attended one of these "Silver Ring Thing" presentations ....I DO see this as a Money Making thing for the big whigs -absolutely... Was in the back room where all the books was being sold & these silly contracts written up between the kids & their parents - I practically rolled my eyes .... fluff... who would buy this??

I also feel it sets these kids up with unrealistic expectations If you read my thread, I talk about what is taught.......

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/family-parenting-forums/17777-any-parents-familair-silver-ring-thing-purity-ring-movement.html

Our 2 oldest did choose to get rings after the program ... our 3rd son never wanted one. It is awfully cheap silver (both $20 a pop)- both rings broke /cracked a couple yrs later.....neither son replaced them- it is not about the ring for them, or a symbol of pride before others - that "I am better than you" and it sure as heck has nothing to do with some pledge with ME or his dad.

I had no hand in any of this.... I allow them to go to Youth Group & make their own decisions..they wanted to go that night... (I never attended the one where our oldest got his ring)...

We do, however , talk to our children/teens openly about SEX, more than most parents could likely imagine... I don't want them repressed in any way...I had my fill of that & I wish it on noone. Hate Religion for the merry go round of guilt & shame for touching my boyfriend/ now husband.

We don't teach FEAR... I am a free thinker, I encourage the same in them ... We DO teach about LOVE, respecting women, looking for compatibility in dating/ their future, possible consequences to their actions. These things....strongly. We were parents who waited... (but would never pass the PURITY TEST of those Presentations - nor would we want too...HELL NO!!)

I am not sure where anyone gets the idea that these rings are only offered to girls... NOT TRUE. What the problem is ... Is BOYS who wear them get made fun of... MEN are praised for their conquests/ Studliness ....this is what girls are attracted too also -it proves by their actions... so what boy in his right mind in todays society is going to go around & display his silver ring with Pride.

Though I do know 2 who aren't ashamed ... our 2 oldest sons...They dont mind standing out in a crowd - Let the laughter begin. They know who they are & don't define themselves on how many chicks they bang. I think they even like the confrontation of just being different.

I am not going to diss my own sons for feeling strongly for waiting for 1 woman - to love & cherish & give themselves too .(I see this as highly romantic & beautiful)... IF chicks want to think they are F'n weird...that's fine, cause those women wouldn't be their type anyway.

Listen.. these kids are in the minority, they are the ones being made fun of in this society of Casual Sex ruling the norm.

But a young person who has the maturity to restrain his or her Lusts...and wait for the whole package...is this really ugly to others - repulsive , something to make fun of..calling it creepy/ weird ? No one should think they are better... I get that.. but accepting our differences and what we personally want out of a sexual relationship (many do not care about LOVE, marriage is the last thing on their minds ).... those who dare wear these rings are saying... "I CARE".

If they are being self righteous about it, I can see the disdain... as the truth is... many who are like this... are very ugly inside...self righteous PRIDE is uglier than a humble sinner anyday.. anyone who has a good heart recognizes this.

 

[KathyBatesel]

I think biological urges are pretty strong when teens start dating. This stuff takes place at a time when sex represents an opportunity to become more "adult" at the same time that their brains are going through weird growth spurts that affect their judgment. Parents who think that asking them to make a promise and wear a ring is going to be more powerful than those factors are probably deluding themselves. It gives the parents a false sense of security as their kid's out there with others who are also on the brink of adulthood.

I'd spend my $$ on birth control rather than a ring.

 

[anony2]

I did a thread on this a while back... Me & husband attended one of these "Silver Ring Thing" presentations ....I DO see this as a Money Making thing for the big whigs -absolutely... Was in the back room where all the books was being sold & these silly contracts written up between the kids & their parents - I practically rolled my eyes .... fluff... who would buy this??

I also feel it sets these kids up with unrealistic expectations If you read my thread, I talk about what is taught.......

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/family-parenting-forums/17777-any-parents-familair-silver-ring-thing-purity-ring-movement.html

Our 2 oldest did choose to get rings after the program ... our 3rd son never wanted one. It is awfully cheap silver (both $20 a pop)- both rings broke /cracked a couple yrs later.....neither son replaced them- it is not about the ring for them, or a symbol of pride before others - that "I am better than you" and it sure as heck has nothing to do with some pledge with ME or his dad.

I had no hand in any of this.... I allow them to go to Youth Group & make their own decisions..they wanted to go that night... (I never attended the one where our oldest got his ring)...

We do, however , talk to our children/teens openly about SEX, more than most parents could likely imagine... I don't want them repressed in any way...I had my fill of that & I wish it on noone. Hate Religion for the merry go round of guilt & shame for touching my boyfriend/ now husband.

We don't teach FEAR... I am a free thinker, I encourage the same in them ... We DO teach about LOVE, respecting women, looking for compatibility in dating/ their future, possible consequences to their actions. These things....strongly. We were parents who waited... (but would never pass the PURITY TEST of those Presentations - nor would we want too...HELL NO!!)

I am not sure where anyone gets the idea that these rings are only offered to girls... NOT TRUE. What the problem is ... Is BOYS who wear them get made fun of... MEN are praised for their conquests/ Studliness ....this is what girls are attracted too also -it proves by their actions... so what boy in his right mind in todays society is going to go around & display his silver ring with Pride.

Though I do know 2 who aren't ashamed ... our 2 oldest sons...They dont mind standing out in a crowd - Let the laughter begin. They know who they are & don't define themselves on how many chicks they bang. I think they even like the confrontation of just being different.

I am not going to diss my own sons for feeling strongly for waiting for 1 woman - to love & cherish & give themselves too .(I see this as highly romantic & beautiful)... IF chicks want to think they are F'n weird...that's fine, cause those women wouldn't be their type anyway.

Listen.. these kids are in the minority, they are the ones being made fun of in this society of Casual Sex ruling the norm.

But a young person who has the maturity to restrain his or her Lusts...and wait for the whole package...is this really ugly to others - repulsive , something to make fun of..calling it creepy/ weird ? No one should think they are better... I get that.. but accepting our differences and what we personally want out of a sexual relationship (many do not care about LOVE, marriage is the last thing on their minds ).... those who dare wear these rings are saying... "I CARE".

If they are being self righteous about it, I can see the disdain... as the truth is... many who are like this... are very ugly inside...self righteous PRIDE is uglier than a humble sinner anyday.. anyone who has a good heart recognizes this.

This is the type of stuff I am saying that I find odd. If a bunch of old men in suits at a church or CEO's or whom ever else were talking about MY child's virginity....I would RUN in the opposite direction.

 

[costa200]

Would enjoy to see a test done on the purity of a large number of purity rings users. I bet i would get a good laugh at the results. Ridiculous notion.

Parents who think that asking them to make a promise and wear a ring is going to be more powerful than those factors are probably deluding themselves.

They are... Totally...
I can see that when i talk to parents. They haven't got a clue on where their kids are in terms of sexuality. They have this notion that they are these innocent little angels, when almost all are engaging in full sex or variants. Sometimes it gets real hard to contain the laughter when mommies swear that their daughters care nothing for boys when i see them with a new boyfriend every week.

I particularly remember a girl who got in trouble for offering a BJ to a teacher (dude reported it) and her mother saying something along the lines "I know she didn't do it because she probably doesn't even know what oral sex is"... ROFL... This one girl was notorious all over the area for giving BJs like handshakes. Almost cracked laughing there when i heard it. One of my colleagues didn't manage it and the offended look on that mother was priceless.

 

[KathyBatesel]

Would enjoy to see a test done on the purity of a large number of purity rings users. I bet i would get a good laugh at the results. Ridiculous notion.



They are... Totally...
I can see that when i talk to parents. They haven't got a clue on where their kids are in terms of sexuality. They have this notion that they are these innocent little angels, when almost all are engaging in full sex or variants. Sometimes it gets real hard to contain the laughter when mommies swear that their daughters care nothing for boys when i see them with a new boyfriend every week.

I particularly remember a girl who got in trouble for offering a BJ to a teacher (dude reported it) and her mother saying something along the lines "I know she didn't do it because she probably doesn't even know what oral sex is"... ROFL... This one girl was notorious all over the area for giving BJs like handshakes. Almost cracked laughing there when i heard it. One of my colleagues didn't manage it and the offended look on that mother was priceless.

I've seen that, too, and it frightens me because these kids DO learn from the examples and standards their parents set. Denial sets an example that the child will use when determining what's safe and what isn't - leading to those unwanted pregnancies and other unfortunate results.

 

[heavensangel]

Never heard of the purity ring thing until your post. When our boys were growing up they did attend an abstinence till marriage seminar which I as a parent attended as well. During that time, they were asked to make a personal pledge of abstinence. They did so on their own. I had nothing to do with their decision, heck they weren't even sitting with me; they were sitting with their friends.

In our home, the topic of sex was not 'taboo', but it wasn't normal dinner conversation either. If they had questions or we had concerns, we discussed it at the time. We're pretty sure they didn't keep their promise, but we do know they were listening and did what they had to do to be responsible. Did we like the idea? Not really; but as parents of teenage boys, we'd be stupid to think they weren't at least interested. Our motto to them then:

If you're going to partake in an adult activity, be prepared to pay adult consequences!!!

Giving them the opportunity to make their own choice in the matter, is what ultimately gave them the confidence they needed to make the right decisions.

 

[anonim]

During that time, they were asked to make a personal pledge of abstinence. They did so on their own.

How did they do it on their own if they were asked to do it?

 

[Plan 9 from OS]

The idea probably started out with the best of intentions... However, kids are fallible and it's an unnecessary promise to make if you are a practicing Christian. It's already part of the church beliefs to 1) save yourself before marriage 2) don't have sex with anyone but the person you are married to and 3) fornication is bad because it's sex outside of marriage - even as singles.

This is "feel good" stuff that I think is common among some of the trendier Evangelical, non-denominational churches that are trying to show the parents that "they are doing their all to reach out to the kids"...

 

[dubbizle]

What it means is if a young person decided they want to have sex they most likely will not go talk to anybody[parents,health care worker ECT] to get info from fear of being judged more harshly which highers the risk of getting prefnant or getting a STD.

I remember back in the 80s Brooke shields was always talked about how she was a virgin and years later come to find out she was not and it was a lie.

 

[SimplyAmorous]

This is the type of stuff I am saying that I find odd. If a bunch of old men in suits at a church or CEO's or whom ever else were talking about MY child's virginity....I would RUN in the opposite direction.

I don't see it the same way as you, I don't try to shield my kids ... they wanted to go to this- with their Youth Group...should I have stopped them? It's not a bunch of old men in suits either. They had a Rock concert afterwards - teens having a really good time - with other teens.

Should parents start pulling their children out of Youth Groups or boycotting this event - just cause?? Just as Christian parents pull their kids out on Halloween or Sex Ed classes...(which I also feel is silly).... I don't fear them getting an earful at any of these places...

We set the example at home... They know our story, how we handled ourselves as teens in love.

I don't feel they are ruining their lives being involved in a Youth Group... the majority of teens in our kids's high school are messed up... drugs, broken homes, openly promiscuous, proud & BRAG about it - younger & younger ages... is this all healthy & good?

We are very pleased with the type of friends they hang with...We throw Large Bonfires/outdoor movies /music / volleyball ... for these youth kids in the summer. I get to hear some of their stories around the Fire..... some have it really tough in school for being different. For not joining in with the partying crowd/ drinking/smoking / sexting, etc. They feel a community with like minded teens.


I am surely not suggesting that every kid that wears a purity ring is living up to anything...HECK NO! But I wouldn't suggest that every one is "screwing" either...

There is a minority....given a good home, self discipline & morals that abound their hormones -these have a greater chance of staying on course being around other like minded people. Also hanging in groups, not getting off alone is another factor.

costa200 said: Would enjoy to see a test done on the purity of a large number of purity rings users. I bet i would get a good laugh at the results. Ridiculous notion.

And this is the sad part ... it just makes it all FOOLISH and laughable....

You see, it has to be much deeper than a ring, being moved by some promise at a meeting & socking down $20.. No, this will not last... It has to be something they believe in deeply......

I would say the silver ring idea fails as often as DIETS do for women, we have good intentions but we can't stick to it, it's going against our baser cravings... My beef is the rediculous expectations they set though, not the notion to "wait" for Love.... Me & my husband did and I do not believe I am naive to feel our children may walk in similar foot steps as us...

They know we wouldn't judge them if they choose to have sex out of wedlock - but yes, in all things.... RESPONSIBILITY is #1. That is drilled into their heads above all - You can choose what you want, but you damn well better be wise about it ! Cause Mom & Dad won't be picking up the pieces.

Costa200 said: I can see that when i talk to parents. They haven't got a clue on where their kids are in terms of sexuality. They have this notion that they are these innocent little angels, when almost all are engaging in full sex or variants. Sometimes it gets real hard to contain the laughter when mommies swear that their daughters care nothing for boys when i see them with a new boyfriend every week.

I see this in the church... Our kids will tell us how so & so got busted for -sneaking to see a BF cause their parents are so darn strict & they can't talk to them. Many parents heads are in the sand. Heck , ours knows I yack about

on TAM - they know who to come too! It's a free flowing topic at our house -joking, bantering, even serious discussions. It's not the norm.... But it's our way.

 

[anony2]

I don't see it the same way as you, I don't try to shield my kids ... they wanted to go to this- with their Youth Group...should I have stopped them? It's not a bunch of old men in suits either. They had a Rock concert afterwards - teens having a really good time - with other teens.

Should parents start pulling their children out of Youth Groups or boycotting this event - just cause?? Just as Christian parents pull their kids out on Halloween or Sex Ed classes...(which I also feel is silly).... I don't fear them getting an earful at any of these places...

We set the example at home... They know our story, how we handled ourselves as teens in love.

I don't feel they are ruining their lives being involved in a Youth Group... the majority of teens in our kids's high school are messed up... drugs, broken homes, openly promiscuous, proud & BRAG about it - younger & younger ages... is this all healthy & good?

We are very pleased with the type of friends they hang with...We throw Large Bonfires/outdoor movies /music / volleyball ... for these youth kids in the summer. I get to hear some of their stories around the Fire..... some have it really tough in school for being different. For not joining in with the partying crowd/ drinking/smoking / sexting, etc. They feel a community with like minded teens.


I am surely not suggesting that every kid that wears a purity ring is living up to anything...HECK NO! But I wouldn't suggest that every one is "screwing" either...

There is a minority....given a good home, self discipline & morals that abound their hormones -these have a greater chance of staying on course being around other like minded people. Also hanging in groups, not getting off alone is another factor.

And this is the sad part ... it just makes it all FOOLISH and laughable....

You see, it has to be much deeper than a ring, being moved by some promise at a meeting & socking down $20.. No, this will not last... It has to be something they believe in deeply......

I would say the silver ring idea fails as often as DIETS do for women, we have good intentions but we can't stick to it, it's going against our baser cravings... My beef is the rediculous expectations they set though, not the notion to "wait" for Love.... Me & my husband did and I do not believe I am naive to feel our children may walk in similar foot steps as us...

They know we wouldn't judge them if they choose to have sex out of wedlock - but yes, in all things.... RESPONSIBILITY is #1. That is drilled into their heads above all - You can choose what you want, but you damn well better be wise about it ! Cause Mom & Dad won't be picking up the pieces.



I see this in the church... Our kids will tell us how so & so got busted for -sneaking to see a BF cause their parents are so darn strict & they can't talk to them. Many parents heads are in the sand. Heck , ours knows I yack about

on TAM - they know who to come too! It's a free flowing topic at our house -joking, bantering, even serious discussions. It's not the norm.... But it's our way.

This is what went on with our "church youth group" which was a Christian singing group that traveled all over the USA to sing to churches-we were making out in the bus, some of my friends even went so far as having sex on the school bus, swapping partners each week. Do you think that our parents knew about this? No they didn't. This was around 25 years ago. My first 'sexual experience' was with the pastors son. I was 12. His parents talked to him about sex too, they were also very open about sex. Forgot to add: this was the sixth through 10th grade youth group.

I do not send my children anywhere that anyone is going to convince them to follow a religious dogma of virginity...because that CONTRADICTS being a free thinker...especially if it involves a Christian rock group singing before, after, or in the middle because just like a TV commercial tries to convince my children that eating sugary cereal is good for them and having a specific toy is somehow going to magically make them happy, I have to guard my children from the PIED PIPER. In this case, the pied piper would be someone else thinking for my children instead of them deciding for themselves what is moral.


You might want to do some research as to why "pure" and "virginal" was such a good thing in the past...here. It had nothing at all to do with being moral or saving yourself for your spouse.


Please understand this is not an attack on you or your beliefs. This has nothing at all to do with you or your sons choosing to do this.

 

[WyshIknew]

I would have thought the presence of such a ring would act as a challenge to a certain class of guys and would make the girls a 'target'