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Howdy folks!

I have a very long thread over on the Coping with Infidelity are, but now I'm here and have a different set of questions. Without rehashing too much, here's where I am and you know where I'm going from the title of the thread:


I found out two months ago that my wife and good friend have been having a EA/PA for almost 7 of the 9 and a half years of my marriage. I filed for divorce as soon as I got my wife to admit that.

- I'm in California, so it is a true "no fault" divorce state.
- We have two houses. She lives in that one and wants to stay in that one. I live in the other and want to sell it and move.
- We have no kids, so that makes things easier.
- Other than the mortgages, we have no debt. There's a couple hundred grand of equity in each of the houses.
- We've got several hundred grand of cash/investments to split up.
- She earns just sub $100k and I make two and a half times that. So, but the 50% of my salary minus 40% of hers, I'm going to owe her about $3500 pre-tax every month for the next 4.5 years.
- The OM's GF has left him, and he can't afford to keep his house. He's told common acquaintances of ours that he's getting an apartment. However, I'm quite certain that he'll end up moving in with my STBxW.

Here's where I need your help. If he is co-habitating, how do I prove that and how much am I likely to be able to reduce the spousal support (i.e. is it worth it trying to prove?)

Some parameters - the house she lives in is up a twisty road at the top of a hill, and the driveway can't be seen from the street. So, simple frequent drive-bys are pretty much out of the question.

Since this is all pretty fresh, I imagine that he may actually rent an apartment as a temporary measure so they don't make a public display of living together whether for the benefit of the divorce (getting more spousal support from me) or for their "social" benefit, as if everyone doesn't already know they are together...

Any ideas or advice?

BFF
 

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You need to talk with a lawyer. Spousal support isn't awarded in most cases regardless of incomes. You might be better off not doing a no contest divorce and filing on the grounds of adultery. Judges will take that into consideration.

Sound like you are both financially secure. Wanna give me a job? :)
 

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Unfortunately, it's California so there's no such thing as no contest divorce and spousal supported IS always awarded in the case of almost any disparity in incomes. Adultery doesn't matter for sh*t except in the case of child custody considerations.

I was able to find the applicable laws yesterday evening, and it looks like once I'm able to "prove" any sort of cohabitation in which:
- The OM is or "should be" contributing to the household -or-
- My STBxW is using the alimony in any way to SUPPORT the OM -and-
- The relationship is one that in some ways resembles a marriage (there's continuity, they are recognized as a couple in social circles/family, they share house chores, etc.)

Once I can prove any of that, that will be enough for me to show a "material change of circumstances" and triggers the court to consider altering the alimony amount. The burden of proof then shifts to my STBxW who will have to prove that there is absolutely no financial impact of the cohabitation.

So now my question is, how the heck to I prove they're cohabitating short of paying a PI to sit on her street every single morning and evening to take pics of him coming and going?

BFF
 

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Get a P.I. to do the investigation. It has to be cost effective as compared to 3500 x 54 months.
 

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Head over to dadsdivorce.com forums. You'll get better answers for the these type of question's over there.
Hey Keko, out of solitary? Welcome back.
 
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