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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have been married to mt husband for almost 2 years. We have 2 kids (previous relationships). Anyways, I am beginning to think he may be obssesed with prostitutes. He was honest with me before we got married and told me about him and his brother, they were on vacation and picked up a hooker (his brother is into it) but my husband couldnt go through with it, so he stayed in the car. (He says) I have no reason not to believe him I guess. Whenever a joke about a hooker comes on tv, he has to "repeat" it, and laughs about it. We went for a walk last night and out of the blue he asked me if I think prostitution shouls be legal? He said it was a conversation at work. It is a touchy thing to me and he knows it cause I used to do it a long time ago when I was on the streets. I have cleaned up since then and gotten my stuff together. So he said he just wanted my opinion. I said why would it matter to him if it was or not. He said it wouldnt. I was just curious WHY he would even bring it up ya know. Am I just off the wall here? He assured me he has never and would never be with one, but I need a mans (or womans) opinion on this please. Thanks!
 

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Sounds to me he is somewhat obsessed about prostitution. Not to make you paranoid, but it also makes me wonder if he isn't using them or considering it.'
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
He didnt know I was until a few months ago. So we were already married when I told him. I know he's not doing it right now cause I know where his money goes and he has to take "a pill" and I know how many he has ect...and more. So I would know if he was doing hookers right now. If he was considering it it seems like he would have before we met, and I am pretty sure he didnt. I am pretty sure he would of told me considering other things he has told me. I gave him a pass and told him if he wanted to, to go ahead and get it out of his system. He wouldnt do it. Of course if he did I probably would have left him.
 

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He didnt know I was until a few months ago. So we were already married when I told him. I know he's not doing it right now cause I know where his money goes and he has to take "a pill" and I know how many he has ect...and more. So I would know if he was doing hookers right now. If he was considering it it seems like he would have before we met, and I am pretty sure he didnt. I am pretty sure he would of told me considering other things he has told me. I gave him a pass and told him if he wanted to, to go ahead and get it out of his system. He wouldnt do it. Of course if he did I probably would have left him.
Good. Continue to monitor him and maybe ask him why is seems obsessed with them.
 

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He didnt know I was until a few months ago. So we were already married when I told him. I know he's not doing it right now cause I know where his money goes and he has to take "a pill" and I know how many he has ect...and more. So I would know if he was doing hookers right now. If he was considering it it seems like he would have before we met, and I am pretty sure he didnt. I am pretty sure he would of told me considering other things he has told me. I gave him a pass and told him if he wanted to, to go ahead and get it out of his system. He wouldnt do it. Of course if he did I probably would have left him.
To start with that's a pretty big detail to not tell your future husband. He could be pissed about it and talking about hookers to get back at you. I don't know what kind of guy he is, but I would divorce you if I found out you lied about a past like that. You broke the trust so now anything is possible.
 

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this is not helping the OP.
Well, it does seem like maybe the OP needs to consider being a little more honest with herself about the reality in which she is living.

His claim that he only hung back in the car and didn't participate coupled with his fascination for prostitutes and whether it not the action is objectionable makes me think he's not being entirely truthful.

OP, if you're married, Keylogger his computer or VAR his car. If not, then reconsider this. How could you keep such an enormous secret from him prior to marriage? That's reprehensible. If you want him to treat you with respect and honesty, you must do the same.
 

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SYT said: We went for a walk last night and out of the blue he asked me if I think prostitution should be legal? He said it was a conversation at work.
I know absolutely nothing about you & your husband other than this post... but I wouldn't find it outrageous to ask our spouses ANYTHING out of the blue... and with his just learning this, he wants to learn more about that lifestyle, why wouldn't he...it was a part of your past, he is likely still trying to make peace with it.

Heck, I ask my husband all kinds of crazy questions, if HE got suspicious of the subjects I bring up -reading into them...he might as well have thrown me under a Bus a long long time ago.... I just like to have a dialog, something to talk about, I like to gleam his views, compare ours.... Better than talking about the weather, or rearranging furniture.

Does your husband ask you other "strange" questions -cause he enjoys hearing your opinion? If so, then I wouldn't think anything about it. ...Try not to jump to conclusions about this... If he did lie about his past -saying he just stayed in the car, now that you have opened up about yours, maybe he will open up about his, feeling more comfortable ...It's a thought.

Just outright ask him - start asking him HIS opinions, engage him.

None of us can possibly know where his head is at...this lies with him.. getting to the heart of your man.
 

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So your husband knowlingly marries a former prostitute and your surprised he's facinated with prostitutes? Are you for real?
Enginerd said EXACTLY what I was going to say. So just quoting for effect.

Edited: Okay, I just saw that you have only recently told him. This is why is probably has a fascination with it right now. He's trying to work out his feelings about the whole thing. Maybe he really loves you but is trying to come to grips with your past.

And you really should have told him before you married. I think that's a big enough deal that a guy (or a gal) has a right to decide if the want to marry someone with that kind of past. The past DOES matter.
 

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About the only thing that sounds "off" to me is that he stayed in the car.

I think many men have a fascination with sex. A prostitute is almost an emblem of a woman who has no hangups about sex, so why wouldn't there be some fascination? His question may have been geared toward finding out if you "miss the lifestyle" so to speak.

While the things you've noticed *could* be signs of an unhealthy interest, I don't think you've identified enough signs to say that he's giving you cause for worry.
 

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I can understand where you are coming from, but the fact is they aren't free and you know where his money is going. You know where his little blue pills are and you know how to please your man. Relax a little, I find that MOST men that are happy in the bedroom, don't waste their money.
 

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We're not all sex fiends. Some of us do chicken out from time to time. To me it's plausible.
Yes, of course it's plausible. But when he says, "my brother and I went and hired some prostitutes" it becomes less so. Plus, it's a plausible way to make oneself look better if they feel ashamed of something they've done. Just my thoughts.
 

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1.) I don't think it PROVES your H is 'obsessed' with prostitutes. Perhaps there WAS just such a conversation at work and HE is interested in his relatively-new (only 2yrs) wife's opinion.

2.) Perhaps there WAS just such a conversation at work and HE is interested in your opinion as someone who USED to work (illegally) in the same profession. He may be genuinely interested in YOUR opinion of legalizing a profession you know about. What does someone who's BEEN IN THE JOB think of decriminalization of prostitution vs. leaving it as a crime.

I don't have a problem with him asking about it. I *DO* however have a BIG problem with:

1.) You didn't tell your H you had been a prostitute until AFTER you were married to him for a couple of years?!?
He didnt know I was until a few months ago.
2.)
I gave him a pass and told him if he wanted to, to go ahead and get it out of his system. He wouldnt do it. Of course if he did I probably would have left him.
What the heck do you MEAN..."of course" you would have left him! You tell him to DO IT (you give him YOUR BLESSING), then you would kick him to the curb for doing it?!? Talk about DISHONEST! If you HAD A PROBLEM WITH IT, then why not have the OVARIES to tell him RIGHT UP FRONT. Why *LIE* about it?

I don't know HOW/WHY your H would ever trust you or anything you say.

I do not have ANY respect for the way you treat your H! You are dishonest about EXTREMELY IMPORTANT MATTERS and THAT is NEVER going to result in a stable relationship.



*
 

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Yes, of course it's plausible. But when he says, "my brother and I went and hired some prostitutes" it becomes less so. Plus, it's a plausible way to make oneself look better if they feel ashamed of something they've done. Just my thoughts.
I've personally chickened out on sex romps that I have set up. So plausible indeed. Anyway, wasn't it before he even married her?
 

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well every person is different so I don't know which one is bigger in his mind but here is the things that he feels at the same time:

he is angry, you lied to him. and feels cheated.
knows you love him but still jealous when he thinks about it.
when he thinks about it, this turns him on while making him angry and jealous too.

as a man I can say that your husband is very unfortunate being in that situatin. If he knew that in the beginning he could make his choice easily but now, you had time together so he gives you value but jealous and angry too. and the moments that this idea brings sexual ideas to turn him on he will be more confused.

I don't know the solution for you. but that is the situation if it helps. I don't know which one he feels more; anger, jealousy or turned on. those questions he asks are probably cause he wants to hear the right things cause he wants to believe in you but talking about these makes him think sexual things that has an effects on him and this effect brings the feeling of guilt and anger towards you and himself too. emphatise and see the confusion.

but don't get it wrong, thinking of a woman that you love can do some sexually bad or dirtier acts may turn you on but that doesn't mean you want it in your real life. these toughts may be very confusing. and lead a destruction of couples.

edit: it is possible for your husband to be stayed in the car. I've never slept with a prostitute but I coupled my friends many times when they went for it just cause the conversation can be fun.

edit 2: when I think, if there is a solution, it is that you make him believe that "those days were past, you hated it, you were forced by life to do it, you still feel guilty that those happened although you were forced to do it" and these kind of things that his jealousy will leave to sadness that will make him feel like he should be by your side because you had very tough and sad moments without your control. you get the concept, his mind needs to believe this to calm down or even his self confusion may drive him crazy by time.
 
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