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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi,

I'm not really sure I want to post my STBXW and OM on Cheaterville. I did not know about it during the affair, and now I'm 6 months out from D-Day (wife and OM are living together). We're starting the divorce process soon and I don't want to make that messier than it needs to be. At this point, I would like to wait until D is filed. Or should I wait until it is finalized?

Also, what do you see as pro's and con's of posting to C-ville? I'm not sure I want my children seeing it years later.
 

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The trouble with posting your wife there is that there's a chance that someone such as the parents of your kids friends will discover her post. Depending on your kids ages it would be doubly traumatic to be teased at school if the discovery was made public in your community or circle of friends.

IMO it's best to think of their welfare than of whatever benefit you get from posting your wife. Especially if they are currently unaware of all that occurred. The chance of a wedge being placed between you and them is too great.

I think there is a benefit in some circumstances but IMO this is not one of them.
 

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I posted stbxw's posOM on cheaterville. It was late. After she moved out. After posOM was largely out of the picture, but not completely as they still work together.

Thing is, I did it out of spite and anger. It did not help my situation. stbxw found it (must have been googling him) and responded with multiple hateful nasty emails. posOM responded with the same.

It created more tension in our co-parenting relationship and did not help me recover as I was frequently getting emails about comments made to the post so I was frequently going back and looking at it. It kept me stuck in anger.

I removed it. I was not proud of putting it up.

Before she realized I took it down I did get an email from her finally acknowledging that she was the one that broke up our M. But did I really need that? I wanted it. It made me feel good. But only because I was still looking to her for validation.
 

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Think of the good it will do. Every person needs to know what kind of people are around them.

Would you start up a friendship with man you knew would prey on married women? Would you like it if your daughter went out with that guy or would you warn her?

Considering they did it, they do not want it known they are cheaters, why?

Putting them on cheaterville.com is truth and justice. What did they do to you? Putting them on cheaterville does not come close to what they did to you and may help an unfortunate person in the future.

One poster here has kept track of the POSOM and every time he gets a job in a new district he tells the board of education about him. Another cheater that got posted can no longer practice law.

Punishment is what stops bad behavior. Period
 

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I'm not sure that cheaterville is such a good idea.

For one thing will people really be looking up this person?

If she loses her job, how will that affect your divorce settlement?

If I saw a post of someone I knew on cheaters ville I would assume that it was posted as revenge and was probably filled with all kinds of exagerations, lies and a bit of the truth.
 

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We're starting the divorce process soon and I don't want to make that messier than it needs to be. At this point, I would like to wait until D is filed. Or should I wait until it is finalized?
Wait til it's finalized.

You don't need unnecessary conflict escalation at this early juncture.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I'm not sure that cheaterville is such a good idea.

For one thing will people really be looking up this person?

If she loses her job, how will that affect your divorce settlement?

If I saw a post of someone I knew on cheaters ville I would assume that it was posted as revenge and was probably filled with all kinds of exagerations, lies and a bit of the truth.
Yes, they will look up the OM. He's a musician by trade. And my STBXW moonlights as one under her maiden name. That's the name I would use, which I assume is the name she will take after D. I think she will keep her professional name as our last name for a while.

I think Cheaterville is kind of low class and it makes me feel low class using it , but I would like to tarnish their reps because, well.. they simply deserve it. They used the music school where he works for their trysts, so I would like any student name searching him to see his listing on CV.

Zillard seems to be the only one with personal experience, and he says it caused him more harm than good. I can see that..
 

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Yes, they will look up the OM. He's a musician by trade. And my STBXW moonlights as one under her maiden name. That's the name I would use, which I assume is the name she will take after D. I think she will keep her professional name as our last name for a while.

I think Cheaterville is kind of low class and it makes me feel low class using it , but I would like to tarnish their reps because, well.. they simply deserve it. They used the music school where he works for their trysts, so I would like any student name searching him to see his listing on CV.

Zillard seems to be the only one with personal experience, and he says it caused him more harm than good. I can see that..
SomedayDig has personal experience with it and got some petty good revenge as the OM lost his job as a highly paid lawyer over the dirt posted publicly on the internet about him.
 

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Zillard seems to be the only one with personal experience, and he says it caused him more harm than good. I can see that..
Nope. I posted the xOM. He's the attorney. Well, he was. See that site also has an anonymous email feature that I used to send to the top two partners in the large firm he used to work for.

I have no issues with what I did. I sleep well.
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Whats to gain by tarnishing the reputation of a person you're not going to speak to anymore?

What's to stop them from doing something to tarnish your reputation simply out of revenge?

How do you know that names posted on sites like cheaterville are even legitimate?

People do things out of spite all the time.

And they make stuff up too.

Even if they're the ones who are supposedly "wrong".
 

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"What's to gain by tarnishing the reputation of a person you're not going to speak to anymore?"

A lot of satisfaction as a BS. I wrote a simple "this guys a cheater" comment. The dude f'd my wife for five years and lied to everyone about it, including his now ex wife and his family. Why shouldn't he bear public humiliation and a tarnished reputation when he's supposed to be an upstanding person as a lawyer?

Scratch the last part of the question. It's totally rhetorical.
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I posted stbxw's posOM on cheaterville. It was late. After she moved out. After posOM was largely out of the picture, but not completely as they still work together.

Thing is, I did it out of spite and anger. It did not help my situation. stbxw found it (must have been googling him) and responded with multiple hateful nasty emails. posOM responded with the same.

It created more tension in our co-parenting relationship and did not help me recover as I was frequently getting emails about comments made to the post so I was frequently going back and looking at it. It kept me stuck in anger.

I removed it. I was not proud of putting it up.

Before she realized I took it down I did get an email from her finally acknowledging that she was the one that broke up our M. But did I really need that? I wanted it. It made me feel good. But only because I was still looking to her for validation.
I'd put OM back up.

Tension?
What tension?
Tension for you?
No way you did nothing wrong.
Tension for the guilty?
Hell yeah!

WW wants to bee-itch about being there ask her why. WW you claimed that there was nothing wrong with your affair, so why the anger that people know about you cheating on me?
 
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