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I just worry that she is going without because of me.
You’re too penis-centric in your thinking.

At last count there were 4,372,901 other pleasurable and even orgasmic techniques and activities that do not require an erect penis.

If you’re that concerned about her pleasure, then start exploring and experimenting with ways to please her without pumping her out to other men if she doesn’t want to get with other dudes.

IMHO you’re simply shirking and pawning off YOUR responsibilities.

If she wants to get with other men, she has certainly shown that she has the ways and means to get them just fine on her own.
 

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Discussion Starter · #42 · (Edited)
You’re too penis-centric in your thinking.

At last count there were 4,372,901 other pleasurable and even orgasmic techniques and activities that do not require an erect penis.

If you’re that concerned about her pleasure, then start exploring and experimenting with ways to please her without pumping her out to other men if she doesn’t want to get with other dudes.
Well I am at a loss as to what to do. I show her attention, I kiss her romantically, and I try and touch her as much as I can. I compliment her and buy her sexy clothes. Not sure what else I can do and those 4,372,901 techniques and activities are kind of like.... Huh? Is there a list or something?

She is hard to work with. She claims her breasts do nothing for her when I play with them. So they are not a turn on. And according to her, she has NEVER had a guy give her an orgasm. That includes the almost 200 guys she has slept with (and the women). She says none of them ever got her to have an orgasm and the only way for her to orgasm is if she masturbates herself. I have never had a problem making women I have been with have at least one orgasm, and most have had multiple orgasms and a couple even squirted (one gushed not just squirted). But in the years we have been together I have never been able to get her to orgasm. So back when we were having sex, I used to have sex with her and then I would lay between her legs and use a glass dildo she loves on her, shoving it in and out while she rubbed her clit. She occasionally used a small vibrator and I recently bought her a "ball" head vibrator that she has never used. I ask her if she masturbates and she says no. So....

I tired to do a web search on how to have sex with ED and keep getting nothing but ED remedies and nothing about how to please a woman or alternatives to penetration.

She has never liked doing oral sex with me because she says she didn't like it because my sperm tasted "bad" so she doesn't want to do oral any more.

I found an article on ED and sex and it basically comes down to this:
Quote from a wife: "...'They say it doesn't matter, being together is enough.' But it isn't...I know it...and so does he."

"Any woman who has tried to have sex with an impotent man can identify. It isn't just men who experience frustration and disappointment. Women do too."
 

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Discussion Starter · #43 ·
Sounds like a good way to lose her as your wife. Keep working on the ED.
Well I have done everything I can think of.. I have gone to Doctors and they gave me pills and the penis pump. I have been trying to lose weight and get in shape. I had the cyst removed and am thinking of going for major back surgery in hopes that will help...hopefully I won't end up worse or paralyzed. There is only so much you can do to "work" on it. I have heard about some kind of acoustic audio therapy where they use radio waves to increase the blood flow in the penis but unfortunately I am not rich so cannot afford that. It sucks when nothing works.
 

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Dude seriously..... the alternative answer is easy. By a strap on and put it to her like you mean it and you are consumed with your lust for her. You are doing EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE of what you should be. A fake dong isn’t perfect but you have to work with what you can. Slutting out your wife is the wrong answer by far.

The whole penis focus thing is a bad idea anyways.... their are endless options available to have fun with your wife, show her you love her, and send her to O-Town.
Your going to ruin everything if you keep going down this road
 

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The problem is she says she doesn't want to cheat. She was single when she had all the lovers. No she could find someone with no problems. I just worry that she is going without because of me.
That's what marriage is surely about. Being faithful in the good and bad times. It's not about running off to have sex just because your partner can't.
Even without an erection there are things you can do together sexually, it doesn't all have to stop.
I would be really offended and hurt if my husband suggested I go off and sleep around with other men, just stop doing that.
 

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Discussion Starter · #47 ·
OK So I guess the general consensus is to just not worry about it and let things go as they are. I did finally find a couple of websites about having sex with ED and emailed them to her so I guess it is up to her. I just feel sorry for her because I know what it is like to not have sex when you want it. Mine is forced by my medical condition. Hers is forced because I cannot take care of my husband duties. I am basically worthless to her as a husband and we are just room mates living together.

She took a shower a couple of days ago and I saw her naked, and man I wanted to have sex with her so bad. I very rarely ever see her naked anymore so it turned me on. Unfortunately it was only in my mind and not my body.
 

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I just worry that she is going without because of me.
@Gomezaddams51 You should be more worried about YOU going without because of you.

OK So I guess the general consensus is to just not worry about it and let things go as they are.
Nope. Don't listen to the consensus.

You should be 1,000% focused on your penis.

What's the problem with your pumping? Can you post a link or photo of the pump?

There are good pumps & crap pumps. You want a good one.

If you've got "hair down there", shave it! Pump ain't gonna seal with a bunch of scrub brush in the way.

How are you sealing it? You are using some lube, right? If your pump is waterproof, try it in the shower, water will provide a seal, so I'm told.

You can buy an ultrasound therapy device pretty cheaply: Here's one.

I have a basic model that came with my TENS unit. I've never used it, but I asked my doctor about it & he said using one on your crank will increase blood flow through angiogenesis. The device you've probably heard about is the Phoenix Shockwave. They're expensive. Whatever you buy, compare the specs to the Phoenix Shockwave, the frequencies should match or be very close. I believe they provide a pump with their product, so I would guess it's best to have both.

Once you get the pumping figured out, and you've increased your blood flow, if you can get an erection but can't keep it, buy a **** ring or **** ties off Amazon.

Oh, and you ARE doing your Kegels, right? Do them every day, lots of reps, fast & slow. There are smart phone apps that will give you a workout.

Oh, and pumping will add girth to little Gomez so when you get in action, Cara Mia may be in for a nice surprise!
 

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I've read your other threads and it looks like you are 70 and your wife is 65, and you two married in your mid / late 50s.

From everything I've read, you are way too focused on her orgasm. Can you just enjoy her without having to make it sexual or about giving her an orgasm? Maybe by taking out the orgasm, and making it about intimacy, your wife will stop focusing on the need for a hard penis and you two can find ways to connect intimately without sex.

Sensate Focus is something many sexual therapists recommend to couples struggling with ED. It's connecting with your partner without sex or orgasms.
 

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I've read your other threads and it looks like you are 70 and your wife is 65, and you two married in your mid / late 50s.

From everything I've read, you are way too focused on her orgasm. Can you just enjoy her without having to make it sexual or about giving her an orgasm? Maybe by taking out the orgasm, and making it about intimacy, your wife will stop focusing on the need for a hard penis and you two can find ways to connect intimately without sex.

Sensate Focus is something many sexual therapists recommend to couples struggling with ED. It's connecting with your partner without sex or orgasms.
One day I’m actually going to read a persons past threads so I can give a meaningful answer.... for once 😱
 

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OK So I guess the general consensus is to just not worry about it and let things go as they are. I did finally find a couple of websites about having sex with ED and emailed them to her so I guess it is up to her. I just feel sorry for her because I know what it is like to not have sex when you want it. Mine is forced by my medical condition. Hers is forced because I cannot take care of my husband duties. I am basically worthless to her as a husband and we are just room mates living together.

She took a shower a couple of days ago and I saw her naked, and man I wanted to have sex with her so bad. I very rarely ever see her naked anymore so it turned me on. Unfortunately it was only in my mind and not my body.
You are not worthless to her. You need to get that idea out of your head. Your wife obviously places more value on you than just being a sex toy. You gave her permission to have an affair and she has no interest. BTW, don't ever do that again, it is a big mistake, even if it was coming from a place of love in you.

I place a lot of value on sex with my wife, but it is not the only thing in a marriage. I fully expect that there will be a day when one or both of us will no longer be able to have sex due to age. It is going to happen to every one of us. You are just there now.

There are so many ways to be intimate without PIV sex. My wife and I engage in various levels of intimacy every single day without fail and it doesn't have to lead to sex. It might, but it isn't the goal of the intimacy. Some ideas from my own experience...

Sleep together in the nude, you can cuddle naked in bed as you fall asleep and and you can touch and caress each others bodies when you wake up
Take showers together
Rub lotion over her entire body after the shower, while nude
Naked massages
7 second hugs, yes hold for 7 seconds and feel each other's warmth
Passionate kisses, both slow and lustful

Then there is non-PIV sex; oral, manual, toys, etc. Lots of options. You mentioned that she can only orgasm from masturbation. Trying holding her in bed while she brings herself to orgasm. It doesn't get much more intimate than that.

Bottom line, your wife loves you, values you, and is loyal to you. Never forget it or take it for granted. There are many ways to fill your emotional and intimacy needs without a fully functioning penis.
 

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Don't forget dildos, strap-ons, vibrators, etc. for penetrative sex. Whether she's okay with trying those things is the question you'll need to ask her, and respect what she says.
 
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Discussion Starter · #55 ·
I'll ask again, what pills are you taking and what mg???
I have Viagra and Cialis I got them through the VA who only provide so many a month. Unfortunately since they didn't work I ended up with several bottles of them. Some are 25mg and others are 100mg.
 

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Discussion Starter · #56 ·
I've read your other threads and it looks like you are 70 and your wife is 65, and you two married in your mid / late 50s.

From everything I've read, you are way too focused on her orgasm. Can you just enjoy her without having to make it sexual or about giving her an orgasm? Maybe by taking out the orgasm, and making it about intimacy, your wife will stop focusing on the need for a hard penis and you two can find ways to connect intimately without sex.

Sensate Focus is something many sexual therapists recommend to couples struggling with ED. It's connecting with your partner without sex or orgasms.
Back when I was not on T shots I really didn't care one way or another about sex or her. We were roommates who happened to sleep in the same bed and were tied to each other by a piece of paper. I occasionally kissed her but that was the extent of our "contact". I never touched her and spent most of my time ignoring her and she ignored me. We might as well have not been married.

The whole thing started with the T shots and now I am horny and I could go back to not doing the shots but I like having the extra energy with the T shots; plus I have been masturbating which I wasn't when my T level was 33. I am also losing my "woman" weight (since my estrogen was higher than my T level I was basically a woman and got a woman's figure including breasts). I guess it is a double edged sword, either I do the shots and get horny and want sex and want her to enjoy sex and I want to masturbate or I stop the shots and lose interest in all sex and her. When I went on the shots it freaked her out because I actually started touching her and holding her and kissing her sexually. She was so used to not being touched that she asked me what the hell is going on. Now I grab her butt, and play with her tits even though she says they do nothing for her and even rub her ***** through her panties. She is not sure how to handle the attention.

I think part of it is also that I cannot get her to orgasm. Or couldn't back when we were having sex. I have never had a problem doing oral and having a woman have at least one if not more orgasms. With her it was frustrating because no matter what I did or tried she just would not orgasm unless she did it herself. Someone asked if she had been molested and she says the closest she ever came was once when her dad got drunk and kissed her in a sexual manner. She ran away and hid. Other than that she says none of the men or boys she had sex with ever gave her an orgasm no matter what they did. She did say she came close once with a black guy who had a monster erection but even he didn't get her to go all the way.

One of the websites I go to is a place where people post questions and people answer them. Did a search for what wives think of husbands with ED and how they handle it. A few women answered that they would stand by their husband no matter what; quite a few more said they would seek an outside lover and stay married, and a few said they would divorce their husband. Some of the men encouraged their wives to find love elsewhere, quite a few turned to Cuckolding since the wife no longer needed them for sex and only used them as little more than slaves who cleaned up after the lovers (but no sex) and a couple said their wives divorced them, and a couple said they found other ways to satisfy their wives. So I guess there is no "correct" answer.
 

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Discussion Starter · #57 ·
You are not worthless to her. You need to get that idea out of your head. Your wife obviously places more value on you than just being a sex toy. You gave her permission to have an affair and she has no interest. BTW, don't ever do that again, it is a big mistake, even if it was coming from a place of love in you.

I place a lot of value on sex with my wife, but it is not the only thing in a marriage. I fully expect that there will be a day when one or both of us will no longer be able to have sex due to age. It is going to happen to every one of us. You are just there now.

There are so many ways to be intimate without PIV sex. My wife and I engage in various levels of intimacy every single day without fail and it doesn't have to lead to sex. It might, but it isn't the goal of the intimacy. Some ideas from my own experience...

Sleep together in the nude, you can cuddle naked in bed as you fall asleep and and you can touch and caress each others bodies when you wake up
Take showers together
Rub lotion over her entire body after the shower, while nude
Naked massages
7 second hugs, yes hold for 7 seconds and feel each other's warmth
Passionate kisses, both slow and lustful

Then there is non-PIV sex; oral, manual, toys, etc. Lots of options. You mentioned that she can only orgasm from masturbation. Trying holding her in bed while she brings herself to orgasm. It doesn't get much more intimate than that.

Bottom line, your wife loves you, values you, and is loyal to you. Never forget it or take it for granted. There are many ways to fill your emotional and intimacy needs without a fully functioning penis.
Since we went for so many years without sex or touching or anything, it is hard for her to get back to being interested. She said it has been so long she forgot how to have sex, another thing she says is she is now to old for all that "nonsense" which I think is BS. I think she just doesn't want to hurt my feelings since I cannot perform. When I told her that the cyst removal helped to get bigger but not hard, she got interested until she found out that I wasn't hard enough to do penetration. Then she went back to the Meh attitude.

Even when I was not interested in sex I slept in the nude since I have always done that. She hates not wearing a night gown because she says she hates her body and looking at it. She always wears panties and a night gown. Plus she wears a pad because she tends to leak if she sneezes or coughs. So she won't wear sexy panties or thongs because she cannot wear a pad with them. Not exactly the sexiest thing to deal with.

I have been trying to kiss her more and make it sexual. Before the T we never did more than a peck on the lips or cheek. I am working on it...

Lately since I have been showing her attention again, she has worn some "booty" shorts I bought her but she refuses to wear them out of the house and always is covered from neck to ankles when she goes out. She doesn't wear a bra but then she never has.

I have tried to talk her into letting me give her a massage but so far she has not agreed. She says she doesn't like the way the massage oils or lotions make her skin feel. So I suggested I try it without lotions and she came up with "I'll think about it". Our showers are to small for two people. The one I use is in the mater bedroom and it is bigger but still not that big. She uses the other bathroom which just has a small tub so definitely not big enough.
 

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If you can masturbate, you should be able to pump.

If your tool has SHRUNkabit because of your low T, pumping should bring it back to life.

Try pumping every other day, every day if you want, you should see an improvement in size.

Don't forget the **** tie to keep that Ball Park Frank plump.
 

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Back when I was not on T shots I really didn't care one way or another about sex or her. We were roommates who happened to sleep in the same bed and were tied to each other by a piece of paper. I occasionally kissed her but that was the extent of our "contact". I never touched her and spent most of my time ignoring her and she ignored me. We might as well have not been married.

The whole thing started with the T shots and now I am horny and I could go back to not doing the shots but I like having the extra energy with the T shots; plus I have been masturbating which I wasn't when my T level was 33. I am also losing my "woman" weight (since my estrogen was higher than my T level I was basically a woman and got a woman's figure including breasts). I guess it is a double edged sword, either I do the shots and get horny and want sex and want her to enjoy sex and I want to masturbate or I stop the shots and lose interest in all sex and her. When I went on the shots it freaked her out because I actually started touching her and holding her and kissing her sexually. She was so used to not being touched that she asked me what the hell is going on. Now I grab her butt, and play with her tits even though she says they do nothing for her and even rub her * through her panties. She is not sure how to handle the attention.

I think part of it is also that I cannot get her to orgasm. Or couldn't back when we were having sex. I have never had a problem doing oral and having a woman have at least one if not more orgasms. With her it was frustrating because no matter what I did or tried she just would not orgasm unless she did it herself. Someone asked if she had been molested and she says the closest she ever came was once when her dad got drunk and kissed her in a sexual manner. She ran away and hid. Other than that she says none of the men or boys she had sex with ever gave her an orgasm no matter what they did. She did say she came close once with a black guy who had a monster erection but even he didn't get her to go all the way.

One of the websites I go to is a place where people post questions and people answer them. Did a search for what wives think of husbands with ED and how they handle it. A few women answered that they would stand by their husband no matter what; quite a few more said they would seek an outside lover and stay married, and a few said they would divorce their husband. Some of the men encouraged their wives to find love elsewhere, quite a few turned to Cuckolding since the wife no longer needed them for sex and only used them as little more than slaves who cleaned up after the lovers (but no sex) and a couple said their wives divorced them, and a couple said they found other ways to satisfy their wives. So I guess there is no "correct" answer.
So it sounds like she's not interested in having sex or an orgasm at all. It also sounds like your relationship was working fine with everyone until you started taking testosterone.

To be completely honest, you need to speak with your doctor about the amount of TRT you are getting. 1,000 Ng/dl is really high testosterone levels for a 70 year old man. I'm not suggesting you give up on it but maybe ask the doctor to lower your doses to somewhere in the 500 range. Are you working out?
 
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