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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So here is my situation, i left a great job in the north to move to the south and be wed to the woman i truly love. Unfortunately we ran into financial strain and she became restless, she claims she was drunk and he took advantage of her. i forgave her and forgot about it but then just a month ago she begged me for a hall pass and then lied about the outcome of what she had done on her trip. eventually she confessed and we began the battle of not knowing if we should divorce. i have now taken a job in texas and have been the best man i can for her but i need to know what to do to either leave her or bring her back closer to me and have her be done 100% with the other guy. i requested that she would no longer talk to him but i know that she does! she moves here on monday and i dont want to spend the rest of my life hoping she doesnt cheat again... what do i do?
 

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problem is we are married there is no dumping her, i just want her to want us and want to be happy. i really do love her i just dont know how to pull her out of the funk she is in. she is moving for the first time out of her home state all the way to texas and leaving behind family and friends.... but she still talks to the guy!
 

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problem is we are married there is no dumping her, i just want her to want us and want to be happy. i really do love her i just dont know how to pull her out of the funk she is in. she is moving for the first time out of her home state all the way to texas and leaving behind family and friends.... but she still talks to the guy!
So you are ok living in an open marriage where your wife has sex with other men and disrespects you. And this is all worth it for you because you get to give up a great job and have financial problems.

Unless you are willing to assert your boundaries, ( have to get some to assert them first ), by telling her her realtionship with this OM is unacceptable you pretty much are just going to try to nice her out of this.

We can love and be in love with many people. Who we choose to love ( and yes we get to choose ), is up to us. So why do you want to stay with a woman who has broken her marriage vows to you? I get you love her. That is very sweet. But what does she bring to the marriage?

And please tell me you have been testing for STDs.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
that will be the priority before we move forward when she arives monday as far as the std's go.

The reason i suppose i love her like i do is because i took my vows seriously and i stated that regardless of your flaws i would work with you to be a great husband. I now have a better job (florida's economy was terrible) and she has pushed and motivated me to go back to school i am currently enrolled and will start january 7th.

i hate that she has done it, i really do but i dont know weather or not i should force her to stop talking to that OM or give her an ultimatum. the problem is i am spineless (a recent development in my life since i left the army) and she knows it, family knows it and so do i.
 

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Dude this is not good! Grow a pair! Being spineless is no way to go through life. It is not attractive to women. She will have no respect for you and will be on the hunt for mr Alpha for more fun and games constantly. Get a grip before its to late!

Pay attention to what you hear here. These people have come through the school of hard knocks. Their advice is rock solid most of the time.
 
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that will be the priority before we move forward when she arives monday as far as the std's go.

The reason i suppose i love her like i do is because i took my vows seriously and i stated that regardless of your flaws i would work with you to be a great husband. I now have a better job (florida's economy was terrible) and she has pushed and motivated me to go back to school i am currently enrolled and will start january 7th.

i hate that she has done it, i really do but i dont know weather or not i should force her to stop talking to that OM or give her an ultimatum. the problem is i am spineless (a recent development in my life since i left the army) and she knows it, family knows it and so do i.
Are you pulling our legs?

Well if you do not know what to do after being advised all I can say is that the bird is in your hands. You can choose to have a spine or choose not to. Frankly I would not have the spine to put up with this.

Again if you are ok with an open marriage then you have it. If you are not ok you do the ultimatum. Your choice.

If you took being a husband seriously you would fight for your marriage. A ggod hsuband does not accept his wife having affairs with other men. So you are not being a good husband by allowing it. You are not taking your vows seriously by putting up with it.

Marriage requires two people. Did she not take vows? Guess what? Once one partner shatters the vows that lets the other off the hook. You can not be loyal to a non-existent marriage. I think all you owe her is to not engage another woman until your divorce is final. That is what you owe her.
 

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problem is we are married there is no dumping her, i just want her to want us and want to be happy. i really do love her i just dont know how to pull her out of the funk she is in. she is moving for the first time out of her home state all the way to texas and leaving behind family and friends.... but she still talks to the guy!
Well moving her away from all she knows will most certainly NOT pull her out of her "funk"! It will only add to it, and her cheating will continue and probably escalate! She is going to resent you, and will keep seeking out other men because of it. She already knows that you arent going to do anything about it! You are in a lose, lose situation here, and I suggest you find that spine of yours!
 

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You should have your wife take a polygraph because there's a good chance this goes much deeper

While you may have taken your vows seriously, it's obvious she hasnt

Good luck
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Time to give her a serious ultimatim. I'm not sure I would want to stay married to a women who strayed during some financial trouble. You need a wife who you can trust. You will never totally trust this women again. You would be a fool if you did. Is that how you want to live?
 
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