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Probably a broken record - looking for advice anyways

1083 Views 7 Replies 5 Participants Last post by  Ten_year_hubby, 
W
My wife and I have been married for 10 years, together 5 years before that and have two little girls. While our marriage isnt sexless, it is very sex-starved if you will. Over the past few years i have realized that I have been unconsciously pushing my wife away. We still love each other but things like our sex life and communication have taken a hit. She appears to have withdrawn and stopped trying as well. This probably started when we got married though it has taken this long to realize the problem.

I am typically a very quite and not confrontational person. When we settled into this routine I guess I just accepted it and it has snowballed from there. My fear is that if I dont stop that snowball right now it will only get worse and to a non-recoverable spot.

This is a very vague post, I realize that. What Im looking for is any advice from you guys that have been through this or from women that have as well. What can I do to break this 10 year routine we have settled into?
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Broken at 20
Get No More Mr. Nice Guy and read it.

All of it.

Then go home and ravage your wife.
Then lay in bed and talk with her. Cuddle with her. And let us know how that goes tomorrow morning.
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W
Got the book....dont know if I can read it all today but will certainly read up as quickly as possible :)
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Y
You need to flirt (fun), pursue (romance) and ravage (heat)

Women want attention, affection and appreciation.

If they dont get it the inner glow slowly dies out
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Chris Taylor
All the books you read won't help unless you open up to your wife.

Tell her you are not happy with the way things are, admit to being at least partially responsible for the situation, ask what you can do better, tell her what you expect and see where it goes from there.

I was the "quiet and non-confrontational" type and it got me nowhere. As soon as I started communicating better, things improved.

If things don't improve, then you can read all you want.
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T
wvmntr said:
I am typically a very quite and not confrontational person.
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This may not work well for you. Do you mind if I ask you if there is any special reason why you find yourself having these personality characteristics?
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W
Thats a very good question...one I wish I had the answer to.
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T
wvmntr said:
Thats a very good question...one I wish I had the answer to.
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I would ask you to think about it. Myself, I found myself becoming conflict avoidant because my wife screams and yells at me and calls me names and threatens to leave and I wasn't prepared for anything like this. I flooded and froze in the face of aggressive hostility. It was an unpleasant experience and I didn't want to repeat it any more than necessary.
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