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Discussion Starter #1
Hi,

I was reading a thread in response to a lonely guy 'Average Joe' who went to a friendly pub for a couple of pints on his own maybe once a week after moving to a new town to be with his fiancee but he sought opinions about chatting to the barmaid etc. ( The obvious answer is that this must cost a fair bit! )

One of the contributors described this as a pro marriage forum.
I have read this line on other threads too.

I honestly don't know why I am currently interested in this board but I think I may be sounding it out in case I come to a stage where I am examining options in my marriage - such as stay or go...or how!

Obviously that may never happen but I would very much welcome opinions on whether the ethos of the site has a particular slant such as being ' pro marriage'.

I think it would be more helpful if you could have faith that anyone taking time to discuss any issues posted did so without any axes to grind so they could support only the clearest choices or best interests of the people involved.

While I respect any individual taking a 'pro marriage' stance I fear that it means glossing over the experience that not all marriages are happy or reasonable.

I promise you this is not being a troll, unless unwittingly.
I would like to know if this board is 'pro-marriage' or 'pro-choice'.
If the board is 'pro-marriage' what other sites might you go to to balance it out?

Thanks
 

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This board is called TALKABOUTMARRIAGE so that's what we do: we TALK about it and other issues. The particular thread ou are talking about, that guy was not married but decided to post on here.

What is common is sometimes people post on this forum and do not lik ethe replies they get so t hey go off, get defensive and then disappear.

As far as what other boards to peruse--Google is your friend. Search ones that you like. Make that decision on your own.

Btw, you gandle is funny--UserAWaitingDeletion. Ok.



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IMO, this board is pro-marriage, in the sense that it encourages married people to make their marriages as successful as possible. I don't think it's pro-marriage in the sense of advocating for married life as being better than single life.

In other words, if someone comes here who's thinking about getting married, but has doubts, I don't think you'll find many, if any, posters saying "Ignore your doubts. Get married. It will be great!"
 

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The goals of the forum are to help individuals salvage, preserve and strengthen their marriage.

And if necessary, provide insight and support to those faced with the difficult task of dissolving their marriage.

There is a very very large middle-ground of topics discussed that don't necessarily fall into either of those categories.
 

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User,
Your screen name is utterly brilliant. I hope whoever you are paired with has an excellent sense of humor - though perhaps more of a fondness for dark humor.

Generally - I would guess about 80 percent of the folks here are rational and balanced about the idea of remaining married or divorcing based on circumstance.

The one discussion topic that tends to draw a lot of hostility is the "option" of pretending to remain monogamous while commencing sexual activity with other partners.

That does not mean your thread will be deleted. Nor that people will be abusive. There are many folks here who have been cheated on and they are hurt and angry.

While an open marriage will draw some fire, it won't be nearly as much. Because even if folks disagree with it, they will acknowledge that you are being open/honest with your spouse.

There are many folks on here who I like and respect. I can tell you they gave me quite a go more than a year back when I created a thread describing an "alternative arrangement" that
I had discussed with my wife.

It was a bit heated, but remained constructive. In hindsight I am glad that I did what I did as it produced a positive overall response from my W.



Hi,

I was reading a thread in response to a lonely guy 'Average Joe' who went to a friendly pub for a couple of pints on his own maybe once a week after moving to a new town to be with his fiancee but he sought opinions about chatting to the barmaid etc. ( The obvious answer is that this must cost a fair bit! )

One of the contributors described this as a pro marriage forum.
I have read this line on other threads too.

I honestly don't know why I am currently interested in this board but I think I may be sounding it out in case I come to a stage where I am examining options in my marriage - such as stay or go...or how!

Obviously that may never happen but I would very much welcome opinions on whether the ethos of the site has a particular slant such as being ' pro marriage'.

I think it would be more helpful if you could have faith that anyone taking time to discuss any issues posted did so without any axes to grind so they could support only the clearest choices or best interests of the people involved.

While I respect any individual taking a 'pro marriage' stance I fear that it means glossing over the experience that not all marriages are happy or reasonable.

I promise you this is not being a troll, unless unwittingly.
I would like to know if this board is 'pro-marriage' or 'pro-choice'.
If the board is 'pro-marriage' what other sites might you go to to balance it out?

Thanks
 

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You're going to get the whole spectrum of opinions on this forum. Whether or not you perceive that someone has "an ax to grind" will depend on your perspective. Everyone posts from their own experience, and you are free to disregard their opinion as you see fit. There is also an "ignore" feature so that you can blot out posts from people whom you dislike.

One thing that you will not find here is disrespectful posts. If someone attacks another poster, they will be banned by the moderators. If you do not like honest discussion and are looking for rigid points of view that buttress your own, you should find another forum.
 

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This is generally a pro-marriage board but you're going to hear a lot of different opinions and people will not hold back on you.

There are times when separation or divorce is appropriate and people will say that if that's what they feel.

Most of the time though, people will try and give you the tools from their experience to help you repair your marriage.

It's a great resource.
 

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I would categorize this forum as 'pro-right thing to do'.

There are times that the advice is to file for divorce. There are times that the advice is to seek counseling and fight for your marriage.

There are many different situations. Many different opinions. But generally, the advice here is to 'do the right thing'.
 

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The above points are all correct. I'd just like to add that this is a public internet forum and that you'll get all kinds of responses to any questions you have.

One thing you'll rarely find, is someone telling you what you want to hear, which appeared to be the case with the thread you mentioned in your original post. I think the OP came here looking for justification and when he didn't find any, he accused us all of having nothing better to do than try to find fault with what he was doing, even though he was doing NOTHING wrong, and that even his fiance was OK with it. So then why post?

I've been challenged many times on TAM; I defend my opinions very strongly. I am always amused when someone gets their back up and tells me "no one asked you, blah, blah, blah". As stated above, this is a public forum and you posted on the internet, so ya, you DID ask me ;)

Enjoy it for what it's worth. You'll probably find a little bit of everything, and if you stick around long enough, you'll find your own little gang of TAMmers that you hope will reply to your posts.
 

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IMO, this board is pro-marriage, in the sense that it encourages married people to make their marriages as successful as possible. I don't think it's pro-marriage in the sense of advocating for married life as being better than single life.

In other words, if someone comes here who's thinking about getting married, but has doubts, I don't think you'll find many, if any, posters saying "Ignore your doubts. Get married. It will be great!"
:iagree:

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Discussion Starter #11
Thanks for all the answers. I won't dismiss it.

God help anyone who came here because they were thinking of getting married.

My concern was whether it was a balanced source for married people re-evaluating their situation!

I will read through the answers when I have more PC time.
 

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IMO, this board is pro-marriage, in the sense that it encourages married people to make their marriages as successful as possible. I don't think it's pro-marriage in the sense of advocating for married life as being better than single life.

In other words, if someone comes here who's thinking about getting married, but has doubts, I don't think you'll find many, if any, posters saying "Ignore your doubts. Get married. It will be great!"
I agree and would also add that this site is not about marriage at all costs either.
 

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In my tenure here I have always viewed TAM as Pro-Marriage and I hope that's the primary purpose it serves. To serve as a resource from minor issues in a marriage to the last resort effort in saving one. If you are looking at it from the perspective that couples looking to marry should come here to get a taste, well it probably does't fit that mold very well. There are just too many train wrecks that could scare off a young, inexperienced couple. I wish our member base had more Proactive posters than reactive. But that is the nature of the forum.

I think the responses are a good blend of, when do you fight for a marriage, when is it best for all concerned to walk away and what are some of the tools you can use to either accomplish or determine that.. But there are few, if any professionals here. Just average men and women who landed her via a goggle search. That's how I got here and learned how to successfully turn my marriage around.

Some use the term "Pro-Marriage" as a negative term in that, users who arrive to try and find validation for their cheating, generally get hammered pretty hard. Or other activities that are contrary to a healthy marriage for that matter.

Either way, if people view TAM as "Pro-Marriage" I think that's positive because the vast majority who come here are looking to either improve or save their own.
 
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