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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi all,

Update from my post a few weeks ago, my husband has decided he now wants to proceed with full divorce. We had originally agreed that he would like to continue to stay in our home, since he will struggle financially to buy me out of my share of the property and I am not planning on buying anywhere soon as my current location is only for a couple of years, I agreed that I would continue to pay half of the mortgage and property insurance for 2 years guaranteed and I would contribute 50% towards any structural work that needed doing in the property and he was to keep it well maintained. He would not pay me rent on my share of the property as long as only he and his son lives there.
He's now decided he doesn't want to do that and wants to look to buy me out if possible, to create a full and clean separation. He's also stated he wants no claims on any of my assets if I make no claims on his. I'm happy with this since I possibly have more financial assets than him as I have always been the highest wage earner and he has to pay child maintenance for his son.
We've taken some market estimates of the property and it's a sizeable amount he will need to pay me and I think he will really struggle on his earnings to get that kind of cash, but if I can reduce what he needs to give me by approx £10k I can see it's doable for him (based on savings and earnings multipliers for mortgage.)
I'm hugely fair so I'm trying to see how I can justify allowing that without me ending up resenting it.
I'm thinking if the alternative was to sell the property we will have the following:

1. mortgage indemnity fees since we are currently tied into a fixed rate mortgage
2. stamp duty
3. Agents fees
4. legal fees

Is there anything else? My husband did put down £5k more deposit than me, but I fully furnished/decorated and maintained the property. I have zero need of any of the furniture.
Am I being too fair in considering the above which would essentially end up giving him £20k more equity from the property, but also makes the process far simpler?

Also, we're about to have discussions on who should divorce who and on what grounds since we have not yet been separated for 2 years. Can people in the UK share their experiences here of what serves as grounds but doesn't act as a character assassination of the other person please? We're trying to keep this amicable.

Thanks in advance
 

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Hi all,

Update from my post a few weeks ago, my husband has decided he now wants to proceed with full divorce. We had originally agreed that he would like to continue to stay in our home, since he will struggle financially to buy me out of my share of the property and I am not planning on buying anywhere soon as my current location is only for a couple of years, I agreed that I would continue to pay half of the mortgage and property insurance for 2 years guaranteed and I would contribute 50% towards any structural work that needed doing in the property and he was to keep it well maintained. He would not pay me rent on my share of the property as long as only he and his son lives there.
He's now decided he doesn't want to do that and wants to look to buy me out if possible, to create a full and clean separation. He's also stated he wants no claims on any of my assets if I make no claims on his. I'm happy with this since I possibly have more financial assets than him as I have always been the highest wage earner and he has to pay child maintenance for his son.
We've taken some market estimates of the property and it's a sizeable amount he will need to pay me and I think he will really struggle on his earnings to get that kind of cash, but if I can reduce what he needs to give me by approx £10k I can see it's doable for him (based on savings and earnings multipliers for mortgage.)
I'm hugely fair so I'm trying to see how I can justify allowing that without me ending up resenting it.
I'm thinking if the alternative was to sell the property we will have the following:

1. mortgage indemnity fees since we are currently tied into a fixed rate mortgage
2. stamp duty
3. Agents fees
4. legal fees

Is there anything else? My husband did put down £5k more deposit than me, but I fully furnished/decorated and maintained the property. I have zero need of any of the furniture.
Am I being too fair in considering the above which would essentially end up giving him £20k more equity from the property, but also makes the process far simpler?

Also, we're about to have discussions on who should divorce who and on what grounds since we have not yet been separated for 2 years. Can people in the UK share their experiences here of what serves as grounds but doesn't act as a character assassination of the other person please? We're trying to keep this amicable.

Thanks in advance
There is no such thing as being too fair. Do the kind and decent thing. There are some of us who have acted kindly and decently in our divorces, you can be one of them. My husband gave his ex their house!!!
As you know it's not all about taking them for all they have as some advise.
 

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Hi all,

Update from my post a few weeks ago, my husband has decided he now wants to proceed with full divorce. We had originally agreed that he would like to continue to stay in our home, since he will struggle financially to buy me out of my share of the property and I am not planning on buying anywhere soon as my current location is only for a couple of years, I agreed that I would continue to pay half of the mortgage and property insurance for 2 years guaranteed and I would contribute 50% towards any structural work that needed doing in the property and he was to keep it well maintained. He would not pay me rent on my share of the property as long as only he and his son lives there.
He's now decided he doesn't want to do that and wants to look to buy me out if possible, to create a full and clean separation. He's also stated he wants no claims on any of my assets if I make no claims on his. I'm happy with this since I possibly have more financial assets than him as I have always been the highest wage earner and he has to pay child maintenance for his son.
We've taken some market estimates of the property and it's a sizeable amount he will need to pay me and I think he will really struggle on his earnings to get that kind of cash, but if I can reduce what he needs to give me by approx £10k I can see it's doable for him (based on savings and earnings multipliers for mortgage.)
I'm hugely fair so I'm trying to see how I can justify allowing that without me ending up resenting it.
I'm thinking if the alternative was to sell the property we will have the following:

1. mortgage indemnity fees since we are currently tied into a fixed rate mortgage
2. stamp duty
3. Agents fees
4. legal fees

Is there anything else? My husband did put down £5k more deposit than me, but I fully furnished/decorated and maintained the property. I have zero need of any of the furniture.
Am I being too fair in considering the above which would essentially end up giving him £20k more equity from the property, but also makes the process far simpler?

Also, we're about to have discussions on who should divorce who and on what grounds since we have not yet been separated for 2 years. Can people in the UK share their experiences here of what serves as grounds but doesn't act as a character assassination of the other person please? We're trying to keep this amicable.

Thanks in advance
I posted about the new UK divorce laws in your previous post . You no longer have to be separated for 2 years to divorce, and you no longer have to show grounds for divorce. As long as you're both on the same page with the reason, the courts will accept it.

You offered your soon to be ex an excellent offer and he turned it down because HE wants no ties to you. Sell him the property at market value and let him figure out how he's going to pay for it. You are no longer required to take care of him. Think of it ad a business transaction. Would you care this much about the potential buyer if your house was being sold to a perfect stranger?
 

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Can you be one hundred percent sure that he doesn’t have any other money that you don’t know about. An inheritance or a lottery win maybe?
 
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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I posted about the new UK divorce laws in your previous post . You no longer have to be separated for 2 years to divorce, and you no longer have to show grounds for divorce. As long as you're both on the same page with the reason, the courts will accept it.
Hi Lila, you did, and I understand you don't need proof, but when I look on the gov website you do still have to cite reasons from the looks of it, and this would come under unreasonable behaviour. How unreasonable does it need to be?
 

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Hi Lila, you did, and I understand you don't need proof, but when I look on the gov website you do still have to cite reasons from the looks of it, and this would come under unreasonable behaviour. How unreasonable does it need to be?
Not very. The things my husband's ex put were laughable. I think that anyone with a long marriage could think of a few things they could twist or exaggerate to write down as 'unreasonable behaviour' .
 

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Hi Lila, you did, and I understand you don't need proof, but when I look on the gov website you do still have to cite reasons from the looks of it, and this would come under unreasonable behaviour. How unreasonable does it need to be?
My understanding is that under the new law you do not have to get into the specifics of unreasonable behavior. You only have to claim it.

You should really speak to a solicitor to help you with your divorce.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
My understanding is that under the new law you do not have to get into the specifics of unreasonable behavior. You only have to claim it.

You should really speak to a solicitor to help you with your divorce.
Hi Lila, Thanks, I checked but the government website still says you must give reasons. We discussed it last night and considered stating we'd been separated for more than 2 years, but in the end I came up with 4 non character assassination reasons we could prove the marriage has irretrievably broken down. We're avoiding solictors as far as possible - we feel no need to line their pockets more than is required.
 

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Hi Lila, Thanks, I checked but the government website still says you must give reasons. We discussed it last night and considered stating we'd been separated for more than 2 years, but in the end I came up with 4 non character assassination reasons we could prove the marriage has irretrievably broken down. We're avoiding solictors as far as possible - we feel no need to line their pockets more than is required.
Yes, but don't lie about how long you have been apart, they may ask for proof. These are legal documents.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Yes, but don't lie about how long you have been apart, they may ask for proof. These are legal documents.
We aren't. I gave him 4 reasons which are true but not a character assassination:

1. Preferring to spend time with gaming rather than with the family
2. Working long hours
3. Unable to bond with his son and therefore not spending enough time with the family
4. Moving out of the family home.

Seems like these should be enough and I'm happy for him to use them.
 

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Didn’t the marriage break down because you moved in with a guy you met on an online game? So adultery could be a reason for the divorce?
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
No. That was what you chose to read from the thread. I very much live alone. I am seeing another guy yes, and yes adultery could now be used, but that's not why my marriage broke down.

Didn’t the marriage break down because you moved in with a guy you met on an online game? So adultery could be a reason for the divorce?
 

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Any counselor will tell you that each party in a relationship is responsible for 50% of the relationship, but adultery is 100% to the one who commits it. I am not saying that to point fingers so much as to point out that yeah he probably sucked as a husband and father, and the demise of marriage would have ended regardless but you know very well that bring someone into this marriage that does not belong there until the marriage is officially over does not place you (or him if he was cheating) in a good light. Your claims while they have merits are utterly destroyed when you crossed the line and brought in a new man in your life. Your future ex could point fingers and he would not be wrong. I know it sucked being alone and carrying the burden of the household but crossing that line damage your position, if not legally certainly in the court of public opinion.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Yes, but the new guy from the game was there while you were still married? Making adultery a legal and viable reason?
Agreed, and I've written it above also so it's not a debated point. My question was what other reasons could be used since my STBX doesn't want to use that since we'd separated and he doesn't see the point in using it 😉

Everyone has their own views on the subject, ours are different to yours.
 
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