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my husband and i have been married 8 years. during this time we had a few ups and downs, but generally were happy. we have a three year old. i am two months pregnant. i found out i was pregnant immediately. i told my husband. he started acting really distant. a couple of weeks later he told me he was "detatched" and didnt want to stay married. i went to a friend's house for two days with my son. i came back, and asked why and he told me he was having a relationship with another woman. claims there was no sex involved, but i dont know how you could be so attached to someone if not. my husband was always very sexual, and until the last minute, always told me he was attracted to me. he had bought me a nook recently and got mad that i was reading alot. well, i looked up his phone records and found out that he had been having an affair for about 2 months. she moved back to her hometown which is about seven hours away. then he told me he doesnt love me anymore and wants a divorce. i have cried a lot for the past three weeks. he has been off and on crying and begging me to talk to him (never saying sorry or i love you) and being really hostile. i was a stay at home mom and so have no income. i took all of our cash, because his grandmother told me to. she also told me to get a lawyer, which i have done. he is avoiding the temporary orders. my lawyer told me not to allow visitation until he get the documents. he is constantly telling me i am blackmailing him, and that our marriage has nothing to do with our son. meanwhile, the other woman has moved back into town with her two children (which she is dragging all over the place). i called her husband (whom she has been in a bitter custody battle for over a year. she sent me a horrible email telling me this is not my show, and that she would be my children's stepmother. she was rubbing it in my face that they love each other more than they ever knew they could love. her husband tells me she has been with 3, count 'em, 3 men since their divorce started, and said the same about every man. she left one of them because he almost died and was unable to work. she has told my husband numerous lies about her life and her social status ( i know this because he told me things when they were "just friends"). i am starting to loose faith in my husband and don't think that i want him back regardless. it is so much harder being a parent and pregnant to just let go. he has not said a thing about her. every time i say something he just ignores it and doesnt respond. he has never told me he loves this woman, but is constantly texting and calling her. i don't want to be a single mother and don't want my children to not know their father. i do not blame myself for any of this, just feel powerless to do anything. after begging him for a week, being rude for another, i have cut off all contact. i hope that he misses us.
 

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I'm sorry to see that you are here. Being pregnant this must be hard, the only thing I can say right now is, stay strong, healthy, take your prenatals, don't neglect yourself. Thoughts are with you
 

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I am so sorry that you are going through this. I went through a similar situation except I was 8 months pregnant when I found out that my partner was cheating on me (two months ago). I kicked out my now ex, (we were common-law for 9 years - not legally married, with one child at the time) and we are not getting back together.

I'm not going to lie, this has been one of the hardest periods in my life, second only to my mother's death. It's still hard but finding joy in my children, focusing on my pregnancy, leaning on friends/family for emotional support and finally, this site have all helped/are helping to get me through it. Being a single mom always seemed like a very terrible proposition but now that I am one, I can tell you, it's not the end of the world. It's not ideal but it's better than being disrespected, manipulated, controlled and lied to by someone you love.

This is the time to make you, your oldest and your unborn child top priorities because your husband is on the fence. I encourage you to continue to seek legal advice and post here often. It sounds like his grandmother is being supportive of you so that's good. I hope the rest of his family also continues to be supportive of you during this time.

Your husband is going to say things to try to put the blame on you - such as getting mad at you for reading a lot - all the while he's having an affair! -> don't fall for that crap. Cheaters will do and say all kinds of things to deflect and project the blame in order to make their unjustified actions more justified (if only to themselves). If he starts threatening or harassing you, you may wish to communicate through your lawyer until he can be more civil.

He is right that your marital issues should be separate from his relationship with your son but he can't accuse you of manipulation if you've been advised by a lawyer and only following instruction. In either case, stand your ground and keep on him to do what's needed in regards to those documents.

Don't let him make you feel bad about it. He has left you in an extremely vulnerable situation given that you were a stay at home mom so don't have a steady stream of income coming in on your own and that you're pregnant. What's more is he's ruined your trust in him by cheating. You have no reason to believe that he has your best interests at heart given his poor decisions to cheat and leave you at this time. It is smart - not manipulative for you to follow legal advice and continue to reach out to the resources and people that you need to help you get through this and on your feet.

If he's evading service of the documents then it's his fault - not yours as to why he can't see the kid because you're following advice to protect your and your child's interests. When he pulls the manipulation card, remind him that he needs to accept the documents but don't give way to an argument just repeat what your lawyer said and put the ball in his court to follow through. My own ex is very controlling when it comes to things like that. He likes to cause undue delays and sabotage situations to mess with me.
 
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thank you for your support. i guess i am wooried about being a single mom because that is what my mother was. my mother is bipolar. she, i am sure did the best she could, but my childhood was miserable. my mother and i dont have a relationship now. his grandmother and grandfather are the only ones on my side. his mom says sorry, work it out in court. she says don't judge him. really? i do have my two sisters, one who lives out of state and one who is helping me now. i should feel blessed to have what i do have... and that i have found this site. thank you:eek::eek:
 

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is it wrong to tell his work if he will probably get fired. he is a lowes installer. that is how he and ow met. he refuses to pay for us anyways
 

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thank you for your support. i guess i am wooried about being a single mom because that is what my mother was. my mother is bipolar. she, i am sure did the best she could, but my childhood was miserable. my mother and i dont have a relationship now. his grandmother and grandfather are the only ones on my side. his mom says sorry, work it out in court. she says don't judge him. really? i do have my two sisters, one who lives out of state and one who is helping me now. i should feel blessed to have what i do have... and that i have found this site. thank you:eek::eek:

I know it's scary. My mom was a single mom also and while she tried her best, she was simply unfit for a lot of reasons. I also have very little in the way of familial support. I moved across the province to be with my ex, my mother is dead, my father was not around and the family I am close to, live miles and miles away so they can only be there for me in spirit but not body.

Single-parenthood seems much scarier than it is. If your husband is anything like my ex, in all likelihood, with a husband like yours, you've already been doing 90% of the work when it comes to kids/the house. The only real difference, I've noticed when it comes to parenting lately is that my ex is not physically here, but it doesn't mean that my workload has increased by much more than it was when we were together. I already did most of the work!

You can make it and it seems like an impossible situation until you are in it. Day by day, I do get stronger and feel better emotionally and more optimistic. Time apart has also given me a lot of time to think and realize that not only do I not want my ex, I never want to be with someone like my ex ever again. I did love him but I wasn't happy and much of my investment into our relationship was for the sake of the kids and also because I was emotionally attached to his family. Leaning on my family members via telephone and the friends that know about my situation has helped me in my weakest moments and posting here helps too.

Just because you and your husband didn't work, doesn't mean that you will always be alone - though it is good to step back, heal and learn more about yourself and the kind of man you want before trying to meet someone in the future. It seems hopeless but it's not. I don't want to sound insensitive but this happens to people all the time and they make it through it. You can too (and so can I).

I'm sorry your mother-in-law is not supportive. As far as I know, mine isn't either. It hurts but I think she is being defensive because she feels that her son's sh!tty behavior reflects on her. It's easier to coddle him and let him play the victim and blame me if that's the case. I don't blame her for anything but I don't think it prevents her from feeling shame so she avoids me now so she doesn't have to feel responsible even though I don't hold her responsible for his actions.

is it wrong to tell his work if he will probably get fired. he is a lowes installer. that is how he and ow met. he refuses to pay for us anyways
Personally, I wouldn't tell his work in this situation but it's your choice. Even if your husband doesn't willingly pay child support on his own, you can still go to court to get an order for child support and there are agencies that will help you enforce it. It's better that he has a job so that he's in a position to pay at least some child support for your kids IMO.


Anyway, keep posting. There is good advice and plenty of support to be found on these boards.
 

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I am so sorry to hear this. It's just horrible. You may be interested in reading the threads posted by Honeystly, who like you had her husband just up and leave while she had a toddler and a newborn. His OW is a just-graduated student from the high school at which he taught (!!!!!) and because she's in Australia is receiving pretty much no child support and has already gone back to work (as a teacher) but only as a substitute at first. She can probably give you a lot of moral support if you send her a PM.

It's interesting his grandmother and grandfather are supporting your position so strongly. And good for you for telling everyone in the family, and also for talking to the OWH's even if they are divorcing. You'd be SHOCKED how few people are brave enough to take these few simple steps--which obviously involve nothing more than telling the truth!

Don't listen to his stupid "blackmail" threats and listen to your lawyer.

It sounds like this "relationship" is going to absolutely crash and burn. Unfortunately, I also agree with you that you should probably not take him back. He's abandoned you at a point when you were incredibly vulnerable. That is a breathtakingly selfish thing to do and I don't see why he wouldn't do it again in the future if given half a chance.

Last, make sure not to give the OW any chance or ammunition to follow through on her bizarre threat to be the stepmom of your kids. Talk to your lawyer about a morality clause, in some states you can actively prevent your stbxh from exposing your kid(s) to her unless they are married.
 
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