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I'm am new to this...but I know I need some kind of outlet. I can't hold how I feel any longer. Before I get started I guess I should lay out the outline. I am 27 years old, a student, mother of three girls the oldest is eight than six, and a four year old. Earilier this year I found out I was pregnnt with my fourth child due in December. I have been married for six years been with my husband for nine. I have always loved my husband so dearly, and never once have I had an affair outside our marriage. This year has been the worst year of my life, dispite the fact that finally I'm having a baby boy. Last year me and my husband hit a really really rough spot, but something dramatic happened in our community that changed both of our attitudes.

I found out I was pregnant this year and my husband seemed estatic about the whole ordeal. He was happy and so was I. Even before I found out I was pregnant we were doing sooo very well. We went out on dates, he showered me with presents and love just like he had done before in the past. Than I happened to find out, by me being sneaky, that he started a "friend ship" with a lady he had worked with in the past, whom he had sex with, during the same year and month that I gave birth to our second daughter.

I was devastated, it had just been two weeks that I had found out I was pregnant and now this. I hated him, I wish he would have just rolled over and died, even though I love him so much. I wanted him to feel my pain. But all I did was cry.

He said he was sorry, that he regreated it everyday and it ate him up inside ever since. If that was so than why start a "friendship" with this so called lady? A couple of weeks go by and we talk it out and decide to try to work it out since it happened a little over six years ago, that didn't mean that MY PAIN was gone, it was still new to me, and with a broken heart we continuted on with our relationship.

HOWEVER, a couple of months go by and I find out that he had a secret email account for the past six years. He had been meeting people through craigslist for sex. He met with women and men. When I found this out I kicked his a** out of my house. The only thing I could think of was my baby, how could he have done this to us. The most recent affiar was about a week after I had found out about his email account. I just thought did I have an STD or even worse AIDS. How selfish of him. TO NEVER consider us.

We went through hell, and fought but I still loved him like the first time he told me he loved me. How can hate and love be felt both at the same time? Weeks and weeks went on and he confessed to me somthing that I did know just a little about, he said he was sexually molested as a child by several family members of the same sex.

He said that if we could try to work things out that he would get councling and do his best to keep an open communication going between us. I could'nt help seeing myself giving birth to OUR baby boy without him. I fell stupid, weak, worthless, pittyful, and I get depressed every once in a while because I keep thinking that he's going to leave me.

I know that you might think if you feel this way than leave, or that I already made my decission to stay and what good would anyones advice would mean to me.

Well....it would mean a lot. I am a smart person, but I know that there are things I cannot control in this world....anyones actions, my husbands. I just hate feeling this way when he's gone, he has made an improvment started coming home early and spending quality time with me and the kids. But the doubt that I have in the back of my mind tells me that maybe he's just doing this because I'm pregnant.

I have talked to him about all my feelings even the one just mentioned above. But I want to know from a mans prepective just how true can one person be after such lies, mistreatment of a marriage and can a person really change.

I am trying to help my husband out with his past problems, I realy do care for him, I love him and he has broken down telling me so much more than what he has in the past. I never wanted to depend on anyone for finacial support. I know that I could take care of me and my kids all by myself, it would be hard but I know I have that ambition to do so. So its not the money, its the person that he is when he's around me and the kids. He's a great passonite person, he cares about what others say, he is a great father to my children. I just wish I was smart enough to decide whether he was telling the truth or not. Sorry if this was a long read, but I would appricate anyones advice, from men women, or whoever.
 

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I am so sorry to hear of your pain. I know that you are probably in shock and just kinda overwhelmed with confusion. I wish I had the words to make everything make sense for you, but I really don't. There are quite a few people here ( a lot smarter than me) that can help you sort things out I believe.

My H had an affair also, but I don't believe his was to the extent of your H's. BUT I do believe in my heart of hearts, that people can turn themselves around with the right help and encouragement.

Have you talked about marriage counseling and some individual counseling for you guys? If your H has offered to see a counselor, I would definately make sure that happens.

The one thing my H told me that really kinda made me think he still had a heart: Once the cat was out of the bag ( all the secrets were out) he felt the weight lifted off of him which allowed him to be a better husband to me. All his guilt and lies weighed on him heavily, and he couldn't be there for me like he should have been before I found out. I do think maybe your husband has found this out too.

I don't have the great advice, but I do care and I will listen if you need to vent or cry. You can PM me or we can just talk back and forth on the board if you like.
 

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You have to decide what's best for all of you. And that's a hard thing to do under the best of circumstances, much less the ones you describe.

My first husband cheated on me. He cheated on me just a few weeks before our wedding the first time, and again less than a month after the wedding. I found out about both of these several months later, just before I was about to give birth to my first son. I know how much it hurts to find something like this out. And I also know how much it hurts to give them another chance and have them do it again. I gave my ex another chance, and for the next 3 years of our marriage, he continued to cheat.

In the end, I had to give up and walk away because I knew he'd never stop. We had other problems as well, major problems, that also contributed to why I left him, but the cheating was probably one of the biggest. I knew that every time he got caught, he'd say he was sorry and that he'd never do it again, but he would do it again anyway. And I couldn't live like that.

I kind of have to think that after cheating on you this much, for this long, that your husband is probably going to find it very difficult to stop. But if you want to try to work it out, get into counseling. I think counseling is probably the only thing that could help you two get through this.
 
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