Pregnant and Alone

1446 Views 18 Replies 8 Participants Last post by Nsweet, Oct 17, 2012

amwendling

Discussion Starter · Oct 12, 2012

I am going through a seperation after being with my high school sweet heart for over 9 years. We have 1 beautiful daughter and I am almost 9 months pregnant with our son. The problem? He is now doubting the paternity of my son. I never did anything to make him doubt me.

I put up with all his crap, I was constantly put second to his friend both female and male, he never was home before his daughter was in bed, sometimes he got so drunk at said friends he would be home at all. While he was doing this, this was my life. I woke up got my daughter fed and ready for school, took her there, cleaned house for the 3 hours she was there with his grandma with me b/c she watched our daughter when I went to work, then I would pick up my daughter from school, drop her off at the house and rush to work, i would be there until 1 am and I was home and in bed by 1:30.

Back in january i got tired of it all and was ready to leave. He of course begged me not to go, told me he would change ect and so I decided I would give him a chance. We were going good and low and behold I got pregnant late february early march. He made an effort for a very short period of time and was back to where he started only worst. But still I stood by him b/c i was determined to make this work for our family.

Well 2 weeks ago I had an ultrasound that I really wanted him to go to. He didnt have to work so i asked him to come and he wouldnt just b/c he didnt want to which naturally made me upset. I didnt talk to him all day until i left for work, he then proceeds to tell me that he was done, he didnt care about me and that he hadnt said anything to me but he couldnt be sure the baby was his without a DNA test!!!

So thats where things between us ended. He keeps telling me he still loves me and that maybe we can one day work it out but then i find out not even 2 days after i left, before I had my stuff out, he had some other chick in our house, in the bed we shared!! Man that hurt...

Like I said its been 2 weeks today and there is not a day that goes by that even thru all this I love him and miss him and not a day goes by that i dont cry for him. I really need someone to talk to...

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WhatKatyShouldHaveDone

· #2 · Oct 12, 2012

I'm sorry you are pregnant and alone. I cannot imagine anything worse. Do you have any friends who can come and stay with you for a few days?
You know you are worth so much more than the way you are being treated. I know it must be so much harder to 'move on' when you're about to give birth, I'm so sorry : (.... But your husband sounds toxic, and no good for you in any way. It is better to be 'alone' than with a man who could treat you so so terribly.

Please surround yourself with people who love you. Don't be afraid to ask for help, or company or hugs! xxx
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NoWhere

· #3 · Oct 12, 2012

This pain will pass it just takes time. Its hard to just stop loving someone after so long a period together. Even with all the pain he has caused you.

Try to think positive thoughts and don't let yourself wallow in negativity. Its hard to do and for awhile no matter how good you feel you are doing you will still from time to time be sad and miss him. Just as soon as you feel those thoughts coming on just shake them off and try to think of something else.

I know this is painful beyond belief, but you have a inner strength in you. You just need to tap into it and tell yourself how great a person you are. You deserve better.

Sounds like while you were at home doing your motherly and wifely ( is that a word?) duties he was more concerned about himself and going out and having a good time.

My heart goes out to you. I know how agonizing this is to be betrayed and abandoned. Its not a good feeling, but it will pass.

mrstj4sho88

· #4 · Oct 12, 2012

I am sorry you are dealing with this now. If he has not changed yet ,he may never change. Just take care of the kids and yourself.

amwendling

Discussion Starter · #5 · Oct 12, 2012

WhatKatyShouldHaveDone said:
I'm sorry you are pregnant and alone. I cannot imagine anything worse. Do you have any friends who can come and stay with you for a few days?
You know you are worth so much more than the way you are being treated. I know it must be so much harder to 'move on' when you're about to give birth, I'm so sorry : (.... But your husband sounds toxic, and no good for you in any way. It is better to be 'alone' than with a man who could treat you so so terribly.

Please surround yourself with people who love you. Don't be afraid to ask for help, or company or hugs! xxx
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Amwendling: thank you for your kind words. Your right it is extremely hard. I want nothing more than to be with him again even tho I know he can never be what I need him to be. I just need a man who can b there for me unconditionally and love me for me and without question. Seems like every where I look the men are either taken, or just creepy. I just want to be happy again!
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amwendling

Discussion Starter · #6 · Oct 12, 2012

I plan to try my best to take care of me and my kids. Maybe one day I'll be happy again but I doubt it
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SCsweety81

· #7 · Oct 12, 2012

I'm sorry you're going through this, especially at such a naturally emotional time.

You seem strong, though, and that will take you far.

Practice the 180. It has worked wonders for me.

Best wishes and big hugs!

amwendling

Discussion Starter · #8 · Oct 13, 2012

I wish I felt strong. All I feel is alone, sad, confused and afraid
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Nsweet

· #9 · Oct 13, 2012

Believe it or not I've seen this exact same situation pan out a number of different ways. The women who were successful in reconciliation..... kicked their assh*le druggy/alcoholic husands the f*ck out, file fo divorce, and told them not to come back unless they got help. Each time between two weeks and about a year of NC later, the H experienced the worst fear of loss and went through treatment or stopped on their own and started comig around. I saw this pan out day by day with my next door neighbor as well.

Your H doesn't love you, not because he hates you but because he's so insecure with himself that he can't love you if you love him. If you love him as much as you do you need to go through with the divorce because he know no matter how much you cry, scream, beg, nag, and b!tch.... he can still drink around you and do nothing to improve himself.

Do not back slide on this! Let him decide to come back after getting help or drink himself do death with friends who coudn't give a sh!t about him unlike you. Ok, do not comfort him he's a grown man who can man up on his own. Just don't be surprised if he actually does what you want him to after you've made up your mind about him. Given the chance men will walk through fire to keep a woman.

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amwendling

Discussion Starter · #10 · Oct 13, 2012

He is already seeing someone else. I don't see a chance for reconciliation
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Nsweet

· #11 · Oct 13, 2012

So you spent 9 years trying to fix him and she thinks she can do better? Let the rookie try. By the time she's fed up with him she won't even know half the tricks you do.

amwendling

Discussion Starter · #12 · Oct 13, 2012

I agree. She prolly hasn't even seen the part of him that I have. She doesn't know anything about the situation. I
Hope she realizes eventually and I wish her better luck than I had
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our vision shattered

· #13 · Oct 13, 2012

NoWhere said:
This pain will pass it just takes time. Its hard to just stop loving someone after so long a period together. Even with all the pain he has caused you.

Try to think positive thoughts and don't let yourself wallow in negativity. Its hard to do and for awhile no matter how good you feel you are doing you will still from time to time be sad and miss him. Just as soon as you feel those thoughts coming on just shake them off and try to think of something else.

I know this is painful beyond belief, but you have a inner strength in you. You just need to tap into it and tell yourself how great a person you are. You deserve better.

Sounds like while you were at home doing your motherly and wifely ( is that a word?) duties he was more concerned about himself and going out and having a good time.

My heart goes out to you. I know how agonizing this is to be betrayed and abandoned. Its not a good feeling, but it will pass.

:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

couldn't have/wouldn't have said it better, one addition read our stories & try to learn. always here if you need us

amwendling

Discussion Starter · #14 · Oct 15, 2012

So he called me yesterday and told me he loved me and wanted to b with me. Turned my world upside down
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AsTheStoryGoes

· #15 · Oct 15, 2012

I'm so sorry you're going through this..

I can't imagine what it must be like. Sounds like you'll be better off without him though, with time it will get easier, you'll get stronger. There are many woman who have gone through what you are going through now and are better for it. Just try and stay positive. You will probably realize you are capable of much more than you ever knew you were. Keep yourself busy, keep your friends and family close, reach out for support, and take it one day at a time.

SCsweety81

· #16 · Oct 15, 2012

What did you say?

amwendling

Discussion Starter · #17 · Oct 15, 2012

I haven't said anything. I do love him. Ijdk
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amwendling

Discussion Starter · #18 · Oct 16, 2012

We talked more today. I think he is realizing the mistakes he made. I'm thinking we are going to try to work out our problems
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Nsweet

· #19 · Oct 17, 2012

To be honest you have one of the best chances to reconcile being pregnant and coming here as soon as you did. But that doesn't mean it's going to be easy. I'll send you some books later this week to help you out a bit.

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