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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So four yearsa go we split...blah, blah, blah...

A few months after she is in her new place , the kids report to me that she has stopped smoking. I congratulate her and she tells me that her last checkup x-rays showed interstitial scarring on her lungs.
I'm supportive.
A while back I noticed butts outside of the garage when dropping off the kids.
I figure either ex-MIL or friends...

But Thursday I dropped of my youngest and we had to use the front door, which guests dont normally use.
I estimated 300-400 butts out there. I mean they were everywhere...because the snow had melted.

So I commented to my youngest that her mother was smoking again and she replied "She never stopped, Dad."

Then I remembered her making veiled references to "having only 6-10 years left." She has done this several times over the years we were divorced.

Then I put it together.
I am incensed, outraged and thoroughly bewildered.

I have always said that people are free to destroy themselves in their own ways...UNLESS THERE ARE KIDS INVOLVED.

If somebody came to me and said I "had a condition", I would be fighting it tooth, nail and tail...if only for my kids to show them that you simply NEVER give up.

Is it simply weakness?
Some weird passive agressive thing?
I dont know.

I just dont understand how somebody would willingly just let it slip away.

Why would she EVER consider giving that message to her own children?

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152 Posts
Smoking is an addiction!

It's much more difficult to stop than nonsmokers realize.

I have known people who have COPD who walk around pulling oxygen tanks, and people being treated for advanced lung cancer who are puffing away.

Terrible thing.

Perhaps your children will see how harmful it is?

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4,740 Posts
So sad but true. We've lost both of my parents and my ex's parents to smoking-related illnesses. My Dad quit smoking a good decade before his death from lung, secondary to emphysema; my mom to heart-failure, secondary to COPD, my FIL to lung cancer, and my MIL to heart-disease. You'd think that would be enough, but noooo. My ex had a heart attack at 47-due primarily to smoking two packs a day. He quit smoking when I told him in the hospital I would throw him out of the house if he smoked again. We split about three years later and he started back smoking. Neither of the kids will touch a smoke. Thank god.

I wanted to add that with the exception of my late father, all the others in the family refused to acknowledge that smoking was a factor in their health issues. My MIL used to say that the doctor never told her to quit, so she didn't. My ex said it was all stress, not the smoking, and refused to acknowledge the improvement in his physical health during the time he quit.
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