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I don't know where to start. I know many will say I knew what I was getting my self into so it's my fault. Maybe that's true...I don't know.

I met my husband 7 years ago. I was on meth. He had just gotten out of 3 year of prison. He was a heroin addict, coke, & pot. We dated for just a tiny bit when he started cheating on me. I discovered it and broke it off immediately. We end up seeing each other a few weeks later and get back together. I also find out we are pregnant. He gets busted for fake checks - he goes to prison. I sober up immediately. I decide to stand by him while he's in jail. We write faithfully. He pledges love and sobriety. I believe him. I have our son. By the way I already have 2 boys from previous marriage. So he gets out when our baby is 6 months old.

Things are good. He gets a job right away. He's on parole so I assume he's sober. Like a year later I discover he's smoking pot. He had never quit.

He gets a different job and continues pot and starts drinking. He literally leaves me and kids at home without a car all week the disappears on weekends to party. No clue if cheating was involved.

Snaps out of above crap in about a year. I think everything is fine.

Periodically find him smoking pot. Swears & promises to quit.
I find it again. Swears and promises. Again and again....

We get married. He's been so mature lately. Week after ceremony caught him smoking! Swears & promises. Yadda yadda. Tell him if I catch him again I'm leaving!

Fast forward this year. He was in horrible cycle accident. Bike is totaled. Knees screwed up. Broken hand etc. He's on percocets like crazy. I begin to suspect pot as well. For weeks he screams at me that I'm nuts. He's NOT smoking. I tell him get a home test. He does...just to show me that it's positive!

He says he's NOT quitting. That I can go ahead and leave. Now here is where I'll tell you a bit about how he's acting. He's verbally abusive. Threatens to punch me, slam me, and knock my teeth down my throat. He screams at my oldest son daily and makes him feel like crap and abused. He's taking percocet, smoking pot, plus random other pharmaceuticals people give him.

I told him I can't live like this. This isn't the life he promised. He agreed to go to counceling. We have only had 1 session. I just don't know what to do. He's treating me and my son like dog crap. He's still working & supporting us but I feel like things have just gone too far. I just want a loving sober husband.
 

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I have been an addict before too. An addict in the throes of addiction cares only about one thing: getting enough drug to stay high and stop the withdrawals. I finally got off 10 yrs of heavy pain killers by taking a medication called suboxone. No withdrawals, and I got my life back. I had to be ready to do it.

What makes him ready to stop? He has to be sick and tired of his life. You can accelerate that process by leaving him. You also need help for staying in a sick relationship - go to AlAnon. Fix yourself and find out why you are drawn to a man who treats you bad.

I know it's not what you wanted to hear.

When we went to marriage counseling last month, we were told that they do not counsel couples where one has an addiction, because the addiction must be treated first.
 

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I think you ought to kick him out and protect yourself and your children.

He is an addict and cannot be good to you and your children at this point.

Your health, finances, and homelife are at risk.

That you love him means nothing at this point.
 

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Ditto all Michzz and Sarah Ann have said. This guy will be dead or back in prison in short order and in the meantime, you only have a dazed, abusive addict occupying the space where a real husband could be. There is no future for him in his activities and there is no future in this relationship,as it is, for you or your child. Smoking pot isn't his biggest concern. That's probably a misdemeanor in your state. Abusing prescription pills is another felony. Pot doesn't typically make people violent. He's threated you with violence in pretty graphic terms. I'd take his threats seriously. Doesn't sound like this guy has added much to your life or that he is ever likely to.
 

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Although I recommended Imago to you, and I still do, I have deep concerns about your husbands violent temper. The pot and percocets are not the big problem here. First of all, I agree with others that pot does not make people violent, neither does percocets. Percocets are prescribed for pain for injuries like your husbands. If he is under a doctor's care, even with a previous addiction problem, it should not be a problem and the doctor should lower this as soon as the pain subsides provided it is not a chronic injury. I know you said he got some from friends too, but again percocets are not so strong like coke, meth, etc unless he is taking the whole bottle at once!

I think your immediate concern is the violence. I had a father who was violent, yelled and threatened. I begged my mom to leave for years. In my heart, I feel let down that my mother didn't protect me from that. Please consider your childrens safety. You will regret losing your children more than your husband. I survived all that and my parents are divorced anyway. I suffered for no reason. Don't let your children and yourself suffer any longer until he gets real help. Men with anger issues do not get better all by themself. You cannot beg enough to make him stop. If you can go stay with family while he gets help then maybe..but I doubt he will change so fast if at all. I would put myself and my children in safety right away until you can be certain he has changed.
 
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