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Controlling Anger

Hello everyone,
Iam a new mother from India.My baby is 6 months old and i've been in the marriage for two years.ours was a love cum arranged marriage and we've been in the relationship for 4 years total.We are from two different castes in india, my husbands family belonging to the lower one. My husband and his family have ego on this matter and tries to show off on all matters and also brags about their lifestyle. I dont have much problem with all this since we stay seperate from our in-laws.But the problem started when i delivered my baby.My in-laws,especially the FIL thinks about himself as the only knowledgeable person in the world and gives advice on anything under the sun from how i should wear my dress to how i should feed and take care of the baby,how i should help them out financially and such stuff.Moreover, they want me and the baby to go and stay with them for 2 months which i cant do as i dont have any freedom in their house.My mil comes and switches off the fan in the room even when the baby is sleeping in there.She shuts off the tap when iam cleaning the babys bottle,doesnt let me sterilise the babys bottle since she thinks it is a waste of cooking gas.They dont spend any money on my baby or our family but is always demanding from their son,my husband.
my husband doesnt like his family much and is not much interested in going there.He is not ready to confront them on issues and always make me attend their calls and put up the fight mostly on issues like going to their place.also, my husbands income is just enough for us to live on.almost every month my parents give me some money for baby care and stuff and that is how we move on.We've never asked my husbands parents for any help or support but still they go on demeaning their sons job ,life and character in front of me which i cannot tolerate.I've always taken great care to talk to them politely and sometimes backfires in a polite manner.
This suppressed anger towards them is taking its toll on my family life and is making me loose control with my husband.Am always moody and shouts at him at just a tiny provocation.please help me out someone.i just really dont know how to deal with these people.Iam seriously thinking about going for counselling.
 

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Re: Controlling Anger


Hello,

It's possible that the situation you are in fits the profile of abuse. Socially sanctioned as per your culture the parents are supposed to be respected above all.

Issues such as grandiose feelings, dis considering of others, overly critical, identifying weaknesses and exploiting them all fit the profile.

If that is the case your husband may be the main victim of abuse and as such he may be unwilling and not wanting to stand up to the abuser. He may minimize, blame shift and defend the abuser.

I suggest you read the material: Toxic Relationships Abuse and it's aftermath by Sam Vaknin to see if your father in law matches the profile as well as getting strategies to cope with the situation.

Come back with feedback once you read through the first few chapters of the book.

 
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