Talk About Marriage banner
1 - 20 of 74 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
16 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am sick to my stomach writing this. I think my husband is up to something, and if he is, he's very very underground. I am one of those people that needs to have actual proof. I am really trying to get myself out of denial, I'm so, so scared. I'm older and don't have much of a career or family, so due to my situation, I want to be 100% sure before I leave.

Yesterday he said he had a business meeting at a off-site location in the afternoon. I checked his phone's Google location at 3:30 it looked like it was in the parking lot of his office. Same at 4:00, and 4:30. Finally at 5:30 it showed up at the business meeting location.

He came home and told me about his meeting. He told me it was long and he'd been there since 3:30. I replied, "Wow, that's a long meeting! You were there that whole time? Since 3:30? "
He says yes he was.

Today I check the Google timeline on his phone for yesterday. It shows the same thing it did yesterday. It looks like he left his office at 5:15 to drive to the meeting location, and arrived at 5:22. I don't know what he was doing between 3:30 and 5:15. Highly doubt he was sitting in the parking lot though. :confused:

He did cheat on me many years ago, and thought we'd recovered, he's been in therapy, and seems like he was okay until recently - the spidey senses are going off again. Back then I did everything wrong about confronting him. He knows I check his phone. He is extremely smart and wary. I can't emphasize that enough. If something is happening, I would guess he makes all his calls from his office phone, leaves his phone in his car in the parking lot, possibly takes an Uber to meet up with someone.

I don't know where to start. His cell phone is completely clean, and he knows I have checked his location on Google, even though I told him I don't do that anymore. He's no dummy. He has his own private office and flexible working hours. I've thought about a car tracker, but if he is using uber or something, that won't work. Is hoverwatch still a thing?

Basically I just am wondering what I can do before I go hire a private investigator. And how I can be as smart about this as possible. I'm so frightened and scared.

Thank you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
469 Posts
First step would be a voice activated recorder or two for his car, see if you can pick up a conversation he's deleting from his phone or something like that.

Also, if he knows you're checking his phone, it's entirely possible he has a second one if he's trying to keep something hidden. So, that said, it doesn't pay for itself, so If you share finances, I'd look through all of that to see if you can pick up on strange expenses.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,310 Posts
I am sick to my stomach writing this. I think my husband is up to something, and if he is, he's very very underground. I am one of those people that needs to have actual proof. I am really trying to get myself out of denial, I'm so, so scared. I'm older and don't have much of a career or family, so due to my situation, I want to be 100% sure before I leave.

Yesterday he said he had a business meeting at a off-site location in the afternoon. I checked his phone's Google location at 3:30 it looked like it was in the parking lot of his office. Same at 4:00, and 4:30. Finally at 5:30 it showed up at the business meeting location.

He came home and told me about his meeting. He told me it was long and he'd been there since 3:30. I replied, "Wow, that's a long meeting! You were there that whole time? Since 3:30? "
He says yes he was.

Today I check the Google timeline on his phone for yesterday. It shows the same thing it did yesterday. It looks like he left his office at 5:15 to drive to the meeting location, and arrived at 5:22. I don't know what he was doing between 3:30 and 5:15. Highly doubt he was sitting in the parking lot though. :confused:

He did cheat on me many years ago, and thought we'd recovered, he's been in therapy, and seems like he was okay until recently - the spidey senses are going off again. Back then I did everything wrong about confronting him. He knows I check his phone. He is extremely smart and wary. I can't emphasize that enough. If something is happening, I would guess he makes all his calls from his office phone, leaves his phone in his car in the parking lot, possibly takes an Uber to meet up with someone.

I don't know where to start. His cell phone is completely clean, and he knows I have checked his location on Google, even though I told him I don't do that anymore. He's no dummy. He has his own private office and flexible working hours. I've thought about a car tracker, but if he is using uber or something, that won't work. Is hoverwatch still a thing?

Basically I just am wondering what I can do before I go hire a private investigator. And how I can be as smart about this as possible. I'm so frightened and scared.

Thank you.
If he's as sharp and techy as you say then I think you would be in for a long, slow, painful, road to try and catch him using normal methods.
If it's really deep underground... you're going to have to skip all the pain and jump straight to the pros (PI).

I would suggest to make this faster...plan a visit to your sisters for an overnight, or long Saturday, or GNO, or something like that.
Set up the opportunity and let the chips fall where they may.

Best of luck to you Miona.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,006 Posts
Other than he lied about the time, if the locator showed he was in his office later than he said he was then he went to a meeting location, what do you actually think was happening? do you really think he was having sex in his office from 3:30 to 5? That is awfully risky. I understand office affairs but don't you think sex on premise is the stuff of movies & TV?

I suppose you could rent a car or borrow one from a friend & do your own surveillance before you spend the money on a PI,

Any chance he has 2 phones?

I'm not sure I understand your fear of screwing this up. If you are already suspicious of infidelity, your marriage is broken but not by your actions. Getting confirmation isn't a screw up. If the PI gets caught that professional probably has ways to talk themselves out of the situation without revealing you hired them. Do you think that if your spouse knows you went to that extreme that the spouse will leave you for your lack of trust?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,594 Posts
Using Uber? No, if anything, he will use a burner phone to hide his communication and tracks. Hiding a gps tracker and a VAR in his car would help get you the evidence you need. If this is an office affair, they are sometimes harder catch because the majority of their communications will be in person or in company IM.

Don’t expect to see him going to a hotel. If the OW is married, she will also want to cover her tracks. It is more likely for them to go to an isolated part of a nearby park and have sex or get a BJ in the backseat of his or her car. If it’s in his car, the VAR will get you the undeniable evidence.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
16 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
First step would be a voice activated recorder or two for his car, see if you can pick up a conversation he's deleting from his phone or something like that.

Also, if he knows you're checking his phone, it's entirely possible he has a second one if he's trying to keep something hidden. So, that said, it doesn't pay for itself, so If you share finances, I'd look through all of that to see if you can pick up on strange expenses.
I've looked through the house and even a little in his office, but haven't found a second phone. If he does, he might possibly hide it in his friend's garage. That's where he used to hide his marijuana. o_O
He probably would just use his office desk phone. I do all the money and bill-paying and I haven't noticed anything weird.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,310 Posts
Yes, I'm pretty sure that's what I'll do...but I guess I really want to be sure I'm covering all my bases right now. I'm so scared of screwing this up somehow.
I don't think you should be scared of "screwing this up".

If you're convinced he's having an affair then you really don't need proof in the first place.
I understand that you need it...I also needed it. But the reality is that you don't have to have proof before making a decision.

With that in mind... are you clear on exactly what is considered "Proof"?
If he goes to a hotel is that proof? There could be lots of reasonable explanations for that.
Is it just lying that's considered proof?
etc.

Even if you don't have hard evidence, you can still walk away.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,169 Posts
You're so emotionally involved at this point that you should get the help of a disinterested third party who is not emotionally involved. Hire the PI. Or, as suggested, save the money for a lawyer. What a rough way to live.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
16 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Other than he lied about the time, if the locator showed he was in his office later than he said he was then he went to a meeting location, what do you actually think was happening? do you really think he was having sex in his office from 3:30 to 5? That is awfully risky. I understand office affairs but don't you think sex on premise is the stuff of movies & TV?

I suppose you could rent a car or borrow one from a friend & do your own surveillance before you spend the money on a PI,

Any chance he has 2 phones?

I'm not sure I understand your fear of screwing this up. If you are already suspicious of infidelity, your marriage is broken but not by your actions. Getting confirmation isn't a screw up. If the PI gets caught that professional probably has ways to talk themselves out of the situation without revealing you hired them. Do you think that if your spouse knows you went to that extreme that the spouse will leave you for your lack of trust?
Good questions. I don't know if I'm just so paranoid from years of dealing with this or what. Usually Google maps shows exactly his phone is while he's at work, it's almost always sitting on where his desk is. It was unusual it showed it was out in the parking lot for an hour or so. Of course, I know Google might not always be that accurate. I can't figure out why he'd tell me he was at a meeting he wasn't at yet. He might have another phone, I haven't seen or found any evidence of one though.

Good point about the PI getting busted. I'm probably so scared I'm not thinking straight.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,431 Posts
I echo the suggestion to hire a PI. Save yourself the headache of doing it yourself, and even if you find evidence, he may dismiss it but it will be difficult to dismiss pics and so on from a PI, if he’s having an affair.

As far as the timeline, he definitely lied because he told you he was at this other location the entire time. It seems like he eventually did make it there but why lie that he was there the entire time? Where there’s smoke...there’s fire. 😔
 

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
31,576 Posts
I hate to say this, as someone who worked with (not for, but with) Google, but their maps service is, sometimes, utter ****.

Couple of times I have asked Google Maps for walking directions. After I follow the directions and have walked two miles or so, Google Maps then "auto corrects" and informs me that it has sent me in the opposite direction to where I should have gone.

I was in Liverpool on business using Google maps again, but on following the directions I find myself at a newly installed statue. Apparently due to millions of Google searches for the statue (it was for Cilla Black a famed Liverpudlian pop star) the search results had bled over other Google products, including maps.

And the location service is equally as suspect. It regularly records me as having been somewhere I know I have never visited.

It's very possible that Google Maps got stuck in the last location your husband was at (parking area) and then updated when he was at the meeting location.

It's possible your husband is cheating, but do not rely on Google for evidence, as it could be 100% wrong.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
16 Posts
Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Using Uber? No, if anything, he will use a burner phone to hide his communication and tracks. Hiding a gps tracker and a VAR in his car would help get you the evidence you need. If this is an office affair, they are sometimes harder catch because the majority of their communications will be in person or in company IM.

Don’t expect to see him going to a hotel. If the OW is married, she will also want to cover her tracks. It is more likely for them to go to an isolated part of a nearby park and have sex or get a BJ in the backseat of his or her car. If it’s in his car, the VAR will get you the undeniable evidence.
Good points! His workplace is a huge old factory type facility with lots of potential hiding places. And he is the boss. There is even an old abandoned caretaker's apartment. Yikes, this is not looking good is it?
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,515 Posts
Good questions. I don't know if I'm just so paranoid from years of dealing with this or what. Usually Google maps shows exactly his phone is while he's at work, it's almost always sitting on where his desk is. It was unusual it showed it was out in the parking lot for an hour or so. Of course, I know Google might not always be that accurate. I can't figure out why he'd tell me he was at a meeting he wasn't at yet. He might have another phone, I haven't seen or found any evidence of one though.

Good point about the PI getting busted. I'm probably so scared I'm not thinking straight.
I am so sorry this happened. The pain is palpable in everything you post.

You shouldn't be dealing with this at all, and even if you don't "catch" him this time, are you really happy living with someone you know for a fact you can't trust?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,067 Posts
I've looked through the house and even a little in his office, but haven't found a second phone. If he does, he might possibly hide it in his friend's garage. That's where he used to hide his marijuana. o_O
He probably would just use his office desk phone. I do all the money and bill-paying and I haven't noticed anything weird.
Ok, how did you get into his office to search around? I have never seen any business that would just let a spouse in to search their spouses office. Assuming this is true, he absolutely knows that you did this.

Also, do you think it's possible that you are letting your thoughts get to your head? A 2 hour or more business meeting is not unrealistic. Many of those meetings are empty suits just babbling about nothing lol. I myself have to attend lunch meetings with female coworkers that often last well over an hour. Other than small talk, it's mainly business.

My advice is that unless you have something much more concrete like unexplained hotel room charges, pair of panties, lipstick stains on him, etc. Don't let these speculative assumptions fester and ruin the relationship with accusations.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
16 Posts
Discussion Starter · #19 ·
I hate to say this, as someone who worked with (not for, but with) Google, but their maps service is, sometimes, utter ****.

Couple of times I have asked Google Maps for walking directions. After I follow the directions and have walked two miles or so, Google Maps then "auto corrects" and informs me that it has sent me in the opposite direction to where I should have gone.

I was in Liverpool on business using Google maps again, but on following the directions I find myself at a newly installed statue. Apparently due to millions of Google searches for the statue (it was for Cilla Black a famed Liverpudlian pop star) the search results had bled over other Google products, including maps.

And the location service is equally as suspect. It regularly records me as having been somewhere I know I have never visited.

It's very possible that Google Maps got stuck in the last location your husband was at (parking area) and then updated when he was at the meeting location.

It's possible your husband is cheating, but do not rely on Google for evidence, as it could be 100% wrong.
Oh, I know Google maps can be absolutely crazy, and I try not to make myself crazier by looking at it too much! It seems been pretty accurate in his office location. This was an oddity. It did show him driving at 5:15 and a few points between his office and before he got to the meeting.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
19,004 Posts
Your worst fears have been met, tearfully once.
The second time meeting will be that hello again, and that cool goodbye, forever hence.

A cheating penis is never to be underestimated.
They are deep divers and shallow liars.

They can only be trusted to return to the creme of the crime.
The deed is made dirty by the slimy deceit of that wiggly worm.


The Typist-
 
  • Like
Reactions: MattMatt and Miona
1 - 20 of 74 Posts
Top