[dzd&confused]

Was told to move post here .

Hello folks, figured I would post here as the seperation is ongoing, her at her parents and me at the house, and I wanted your opinion. She has been moved out for 2 weeks and we were in seperate rooms for 3 weeks prior. I got the not in love and roommate speech a couple months ago. We have been married 1.5 years and together 9. Please read my other post for all details as I don't want to rehash that again. There were 2 miscarriages in the last year at the end of selt she checked out. Meanwhile just 2 months earlier I got a letter from her telling me how happy she is blah blah.

I suspected a posOM but couldn't prove it. There were all the red flags and when she said D her concern was about getting off the cell plan(odd). I told her the contract is up in feb.

Well today I check the cell records and a new number has popped up. Phone calls at 4am and she even called it immediately after we had a heart to heart last week. I did a reverse look up and it's a male coworker whom I have suspected all along. He's 10yrs older then her and divorced. I am pissed off but kind of suspected this. I feel like tearing down every wedding pic, pack her stuff and change the locks. I want to confront her about this but I don't know if it's good enough evidence.

I have been going to MC by myself as she refuses to go and am planning to bring this up at MC on Saturday.

I've been Trying NC but want to break it to confront her!
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[dzd&confused]

I think she would deny deny deny. When asked about the number She would would probably just leave when I brought it up. That's her MO these days.. Flight.. I know I shouldn't care but I do.
Right Or wrong Im feeling I need to expose this bs and I don't know why. Maybe some satisfaction that my gut has been right for the last 3 months. The anger is overwhelming and apart of me wants to get even by exposing!
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[costa200]

Why do you want more evidence? Are you not convinced or do you need it for legal purposes?

 

[dzd&confused]

Both I guess. I have not retained a lawyer yet. I want enough that she couldn't deny, and would have to tell the truth.
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[Acoa]

Not enough evidence to confront in my opinion. Are you on a trial seperation? Or headed for Divorce?

If you are headed for Divorce, stop trying to care. Just move on with your life. If you live in a 'fault' state, hire a PI and see if you can find proof. Use it in the divorce. If it's a no fault state, save your money.

If it's a trial and you have hopes of reconciling. Read the stickies and start your 180. Don't reach out to her for anything. When she does contact you, be the happiest man on the planet.

Either way. Hang in there and take good care of yourself.

 

[Cdelta02]

cancel the cell plan.

 

[dzd&confused]

We have talked about it and it's always 'I think'. She reaches out and asks to go to dinner but it's always in a passive way. To be honest I havnt a clue of what this is. She can't have an adult conversation about it. In one sentence she drops D then the next day she says 'are u mad at me" or "what's wrong"?
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[Almostrecovered]

"I want a separation (and not divorce)" is often code for "give me time and space and money to try out my new affair partner"

 

[warlock07]

"are u mad at me"
Yes, I am mad at you. Infact disgusted at the deception going on.

"what's wrong"?
How you are treating your partner of 9 years in this whole thing.

If she has an iphone, you can recover her texts. If you want to catch her red handed, give her a bait. Install a keylogger on the home computer

 

[tom67]

"are u mad at me"
Yes, I am mad at you. Infact disgusted at the deception going on.

"what's wrong"?
How you are treating your partner of 9 years in this whole thing.

If she has an iphone, you can recover her texts.

Tell her you know and say forget the separation I am filing for divorce see what her reaction is but you should file it may be the only thing that forces her hand.

 

[LetDownNTX]

So you dont know if there was OM before she left but you suspected it? Can you go back in the phone records to when this all started and spot anything suspicious?

She wont tell you the truth if you ask, they never do.

 

[warlock07]

Do you have access to her computer ?

Read your old thread. She definitely is in the middle of an affair. And it has been going on for a while. To tell you that she married you for comfort is absolutely cruel. So you waste your life for her f*ck ups ? Not to mention that she was leeching off your money through the relationship..


Does she work in a corporate environment ?

You should probably re-examine on why you would want such a flaky person like her back in your life. Imagine how bad this will be if you have kids.

 

[mahike]

I would expose 4 am phone calls to a divorce co worker is enough. Tell your family her family and your friends. I would also report it to her HR. Burst the dream of unicorns and rainbows.

I would file for divorce. You do not have to finish the Divorce but she needs to know you are serious. I would also go no contact on her as well.

 

[Garry2012]

Mine STILL refuses to acknowledge EA/PA, but doenst deny ( I have VAR evidence). I tried and tried to get more evidence, but at the end started to wonder why? She is OK with divorce....and SHE wants out...what more do I need to know.

Like your WS, mine refused MC, refused to work on marriage. A year ago I was the best H in the world...now there is no love.

Also like your WS, I looked at phone records and found weird numbers from men at odd and inappropriate hours. Ultimately I VAR her on a burner phone.

I came to the conclusion that i wasnt going to be plan b. So i confronted her and said either work on marriage or divorce. She chose divorce.

My point is, you may or may not even need it. Does she want out? If so, you dont need anything other evidence.

 

[dzd&confused]

Thanks for the replies..

Do I want her back at this point, honestly no.. Wow first time I've said that. You are right warlock that was the cruelest statement ever said to me. I do feel completely used at this point! She has moved to her parents and took spare key to the car so I can't var the car. I want to change the ****ing locks on the door though but don't know if I legally can. I really want to expose this because her family thinks she is this angle!

Garry- she so wishy washy that I don't really know if she wants out, but I do feel like plan b at this point and it's got me pissed off.

If I'm gonna file I might as well reach out to talk and comfort about the phone calls. I deserve the respect of truth but I know deali g with this kind of person doesn't yield truth
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[Almostrecovered]

Do I want her back at this point, honestly no..

then start the process of divorce and start doing things for yourself

it's time for a new life and it will be exciting

 

[tom67]

Thanks for the replies..

Do I want her back at this point, honestly no.. Wow first time I've said that. You are right warlock that was the cruelest statement ever said to me. I do feel completely used at this point! She has moved to her parents and took spare key to the car so I can't var the car. I want to change the ****ing locks on the door though but don't know if I legally can. I really want to expose this because her family thinks she is this angle!

Garry- she so wishy washy that I don't really know if she wants out, but I do feel like plan b at this point and it's got me pissed off.

If I'm gonna file I might as well reach out to talk and comfort about the phone calls. I deserve the respect of truth but I know deali g with this kind of person doesn't yield truth
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So go ahead and expose nothing to lose and everything to gain my friend including your self respect!

 

[Shaggy]

I'd say exposé the affair widely especially at work, but betrayed husbands always choose fear of their wife getting fired over actually fighting for their marriage so I won't suggest it beyond saying

Exposé at work. Make the affair humiliating to continue, and if either of them gets fired all the better since it gets them apart,

 

[Garry2012]

Well, she will ride the fence ON PURPOSE. Mine didnt want to tell me until it was convenient for her, and she was afraid to tell me. So, what? I live in limbo for 2 years while she has an affair? No, marriage or divorce, if marriage you go to MC, she cuts off contact with all OM. If divorce, file. DONT LET HER RIDE THE FENCE.

 

[dzd&confused]

I would expose this but just have an AT&T bill showing phone calls and txts at really odd times. Inappropriate, yes but enough to send to her boss? I don't know. You and me know what's up but it's another thing to convince the workforce.

No fence sitting Garry! I'm with u on that!
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