[DiZ]

Why do men still watch it even tho they say they love their wives and are never denied sex and have a good sex life? I need to understand. I got up last night and he was watching it, two women. Does he want me to look like that? Am I not giving him something he needs?

 

[johnnycomelately]

Why do men still watch it even tho they say they love their wives and are never denied sex and have a good sex life? I need to understand. I got up last night and he was watching it, two women. Does he want me to look like that? Am I not giving him something he needs?

This is a can of worms that has been opened many, many times on this forum.

I have a very fulfilling sex life and there is nothing that I want to do that is off limits, I am more in love with my wife today than I was when we first got together, yet I still use porn regularly.

Men and women have evolved to have multiple sex partners but in different ways. Men produce millions of sperm at a relatively constant rate all through their lives, whether their regular partner is fertile or not. Unlike many lower mammals sperm production and sexual desire does not stop when the female partner is pregnant, lactating, in menopause or is absent.

Socially we have developed a system of nominal monogamy in order to bring up our helpless offspring. Unlike many mammals, who provide little or no care to their offspring and only get together when the female is in oestrus. This means that there is a dichotomy between what we want to do socially - monogamy - and what we are driven to do biologically - polygamy. Most men deal with this issue by masturbating. It gets rid of the sperm and takes the edge off the desire. There is strong evidence that if we don't ejaculate we are more likely to get prostate cancer:

Frequent ejaculation may protect against cancer - 06 April 2004 - New Scientist

Porn has been around for a long time in one form or another. Why? To help men, and some women, deal with their biological drives which are at odds with their desire to remain faithful to their partners.

It doesn't mean he is not attracted to you and it doesn't nessarily mean you are not meeting any need. In fact I tend to masturbate more if I am having a lot of hot sex with my wife, probably because I have more sex hormones rushing through my system.

Porn is a masturbation aid and it should be no more threatening than a vibrator would be for him. If you own a big, purple, pulsating vibrator it doesn't mean you want your husband to be a big, purple, vibrating penis with batteries up his ass. Does it?

Good luck and wait for the tirade from the porn-haters.

 

[ScarletBegonias]

Why do men still watch it even tho they say they love their wives and are never denied sex and have a good sex life? I need to understand. I got up last night and he was watching it, two women. Does he want me to look like that? Am I not giving him something he needs?

I'm a woman and I look at porn.Not the movies,just the pics.

I looked at it even when I was getting sex every day and in a satisfying relationship.I didn't hide it or behave like I was ashamed of it.

It's interesting,stimulating,and often the pictures are so beautiful the way they're done...lots of shadows,black and white,etc.I can't say why people like the videos though,I think they're poorly made and trashy.But so many photos out there are very artistic it's better than reading an erotic novel

Viewing pics had nothing to do with how I felt about my partner.I didn't need him to look like those people or act like them.I didn't fantasize about the pics while we were making love.

From what I've read about men's opinion on porn,they aren't watching it because they want their partner to be a porn star or look like those women.I can see how it makes you feel insecure which is why it needs to be addressed with your partner in an open,non-judgmental discussion.If he's obsessed with it then it's a problem.If having him view porn is a deal breaker for you then you must tell him this before you start resenting him.

 

[SprucHub]

I do not know about the science stuff, but the below is completely accurate! It generally does not mean anything, at all!

It doesn't mean he is not attracted to you and it doesn't nessarily mean you are not meeting any need. In fact I tend to masturbate more if I am having a lot of hot sex with my wife, probably because I have more sex hormones rushing through my system.

Porn is a masturbation aid and it should be no more threatening than a vibrator would be for him. If you own a big, purple, pulsating vibrator it doesn't mean you want your husband to be a big, purple, vibrating penis with batteries up his ass. Does it?

Good luck and wait for the tirade from the porn-haters.

 

[greenpearl]

I don't think your husband would mind it if you were the one who is watching porn.

Instead of getting upset, why don't you join him? Or is it against your religion? If you give your husband permission to watch porn, I am sure he would be thrilled and thank you for being an understanding wife. He will watch it anyway. With your permission, he doesn't need to feel guilty anymore and he doesn't need to do it secretly anymore.

I am a woman, and I watch porn. I watch gay porn to help me get excited. My husband is usually giving me oral sex while I am watching gay porn. It only takes me two or three minutes to come and the orgasms are usually powerful.

View it a tool instead of a threat. If you view it a threat, you are only going to make things more complicated.

 

[heavensangel]

Good luck and wait for the tirade from the porn-haters.

I would consider myself what jcl put so eloquently, a 'porn hater'. I don't honestly believe we are born to hate porn; we're a product of experiences we've had because of it. My dislike of porn is derived directly from how my exH used it to constantly belittle and demean me throughout our 9+ year marriage. If I didn't behave, look, act like them, then I wasn't enough and he had no problem making sure I knew it. No matter what I did/didn't do - I was never the 'porn-star' wife he wanted. If I couldn't meet those expectations, then I was worthless to him!!

That being said, I can't answer why your H is viewing it, but by the sound of your post you have a healthy marriage. Have you talked to your H about it? When you say you got up: did he leave you in bed specifically to go watch it? Do you feel he was being 'sneaky' about it? If the answer to these last two questions is 'yes', then it would concern me as typically if someone has to hide a behavior it's because they don't feel it's something they should be doing to begin with. If you haven't already, I would talk to your H first; then gauge by his reaction whether or not you have something to worry about.

 

[Cee Paul]

I watch porn because some of my fantasies are quite trashy and really kinky and I enjoy watching it being carried out, but before any of you say "well maybe you should get your wife to do those things" it's already been discussed and was met with a - "hell no that's nasty". And to those that don't know my wife she is very very very vanilla and conservative and does not get into sex like I do, even though I slowly pleasure her g-spot to the point she bends her back and shakes like a leaf.

 

[Mavash.]

Another woman here who likes porn. I watch it more than my husband does. And yes he knows that. I love my husband, we have a great sex life and no I don't expect either of us to look like that. He's not threatened by it nor am I anymore. I used to be only because I feared competing with it but now I see my fears are unfounded. As long as it does not take away from time spent together I think it's okay in moderation.

 

[DvlsAdvc8]

Porn is just a masturbation aid, as jcl put it. If he's not spanking it on the computer, he'll be spanking it in the shower to the porn in his mind's eye.

That's not to say there's no danger in watching porn. If it replaces sex consistently, or if it ramps up the sexual intensity he needs to get turned on beyond what you desire to provide, then it can be a huge negative.

Most men desire sexual intensity and fantasy, and a lot of women don't or aren't comfortable with it. While basic missionary sex in the bedroom gives many women with a low sense of sexual fantasy the feeling of "closeness" they really desire, it gets old.

A man turns to porn and masturbation because its easy, we like looking at naked women and fantasy is a turn on. That doesn't mean he wants you to be the porn. Hell, there's things I enjoy watching that I would absolutely never even think about doing in real life.

Hell, I'd love to have a women that likes porn, enjoys fantasy and roleplay and seduction and the like. Vanilla sex gets pretty boring.

 

[richie33]

I would encourage a couple talk about this subject before marriage. This subject is bound to come up. Shocked that the anti porn group has yet to show up.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[DvlsAdvc8]

My husband didn't even masterbate to it our whole marriage ... but waited for ME (unheard of I realize this!! But he had no reason to lie - especially when I told him I did !)

Can I clone you?

 

[SimplyAmorous]

My husband didn't even masterbate to it our whole marriage ... but waited for ME (unheard of I realize this!! But he had no reason to lie - especially when I told him I did !)

He ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS had a craving to look at beautiful naken women...he's like the perfect husband -would never deny my needs, puts me 1st in everything, anything...but yet...this is a hobby of his....he is not into sports, he likes to collect Playboy bunnies.... I used to get upset, find this stuff on his computer -start deleting...he'd try to stay away but he'd crack....

Yrs ago (when I was more uptight- a little religious)...I'd tape scriptures to his desktop ....I cried one time. I just didn't "get it" / I didn't understand MEN....

Looking back...I can laugh at this now.... When we got our 1st Dell, the next day... he went to work & all these HOT Babes started popping up on the screen like Wildfire... I knew what he was up too !!

I was furious ~ called Dell , I think they got a chuckle out of my dilemma...I just wanted my home page back.

Now I love a little Porn...once I hit my sexual peak ... I think I like it more than him! I'd be ticked off if he wanted to restrain me from it. It in no way affects how I view him or my love for him, just as it never affected him towards me... we are closer than ever. It's even enhanced our experience, enjoying it together.

Another similar thread on this.... in my posts, I give links to books that can help you understand Men, I also talk about the hormonal influence on their brains, it's all about the higher levels of testosterone.

If , however , he is using it over you, this is a real problem. It can be very addicting, and a man should never never use Porn over a willing /giving wife & in place of intimacy in the marriage . That is just wrong in every degree.

 

[SimplyAmorous]

Can I clone you?

I've come a long way, I was too prudish years ago. Being a good girl is fine -out & about...but we need to let her go at the bedroom door - be those 2 faces of EVE >>

So ya know.... a lot of wasted years really. What a shame. I'd give anything for a time machine, part of my interest in yakking on this forum is ...to educate women in ways I wish I was many moons ago...it could have boosted our creativity & adventure tremendously.

 

[BjornFree]

Enjoy

 

[BjornFree]

SimplyAmorous, where in the world do you find all of these emoticons???

 

[SimplyAmorous]

SimplyAmorous, where in the world do you find all of these emoticons???

I went on an Emoticon hunt for a time adding to my collection... I go to google images... pick a subject ...then add emoticon after it in the search bar..... takes me to many sites I never heard of...never know what you might find.

Here is one >> Emoticons and smileys that are happy, sad, angry, etc and Word Emoticons

 

[AnnieAsh]

A woman is being unreasonable if she doesn't want porn to be a part of her sex life with her husband?

I actually have a higher drive than my husband and when he is watching pornography and masturbating, I am not pleased. He cannot keep up.

 

[Pault]

simple fact males are switched on by what is visual. Women more for the provider hunter gatherer.
Porn is a stimulous for guys, yes women enjoy looking as well but these appear few. Most women from comments seen on TAM dislike it as they feel a comparison going on. I say Ladies Ive seen these porn actresses pouting andn squeeling etc and dear me its pretty boring stuff. A real female doint real things will make a guys eyes light up pretty quickly. If a woman catches her man looking at porn it could be a wise thing to check out whats hes looking at, Most young (meaning teen guys) learn from the old porn vids from dads cupboard and as we know this aint real. then hopefully they meet a nice lady who is prepared to explains whats needed and off we go. Some guys have, as suggested here have some fantasies of their own which in the main are not outragous just emarressing to tell someone who may not be acceptable or open to understanding its a sheer fantasey and if it occured for real the guy would be out the door like a dog after a rabbit.

Dont chastise the guy. join him if you can even if its light weight porn and make the boundries from there. You may descover you like it or even that he decides home is better.....

 

[ScarletBegonias]

A woman is being unreasonable if she doesn't want porn to be a part of her sex life with her husband?

I don't think she's being unreasonable unless she suddenly drops it on him that porn is a dealbreaker for her.These things should be discussed openly at the beginning if she feels THAT strongly about it.

 

[Maricha75]

A woman is being unreasonable if she doesn't want porn to be a part of her sex life with her husband?

I actually have a higher drive than my husband and when he is watching pornography and masturbating, I am not pleased. He cannot keep up.

Not unreasonable at all. As Richie said, though...this should be discussed before marriage, so no one is blindsided with it.