[draconis]

Porn Thesis

I really wanted to think about this before posting. I know it will create questions and responses. Keep in mind that I write this from my point of view. I will try as much as possible to include my knowledge. I will include as many facts as I can. I will try to answer some questions and dispel some myths.

I am not intending to be an apologist for men looking at porn.

I am however a male.

I am not trying to blame women for anything. Nor am I going to try to change your point of view.

I welcome every bit of criticism and all responses.

I) Porn is big business

A) 2006 revenues 13.3 billion in the US alone and 97 billion world wide.

B) 60% of all websites visited are porn related.

C) 80% percent of visitors to sex sites do it so often that they put their real relationship in jeopardy.

D) 75% masturbating while on line.

E) 33% of those that visit sex sites diminish their personal sexual relationships.

F) 42% of songs on ten top-selling CDs in 1999 contained sexual content

G) In a Kinsey Institute survey, respondents were asked "Why do you use porn?"
72% said they used porn to masturbate/for physical release.
69% - to sexually arouse themselves and/or others.
54% - out of curiosity.
43% - "because I can fantasize about things I would not necessarily want in real life."
38% - to distract myself.

H) 87% of university students are having sex over webcams, instant messenger or the telephone.

I) 17% of all women struggle with porn addiction
1 of 3 visitors to all adult websites are women
9.4 million women access adult websites every month

J) 38% of adults believe porn is ‘morally acceptable’

K) 59% of adults believe it is ‘morally acceptable’ to have sexual thoughts or fantasies

L) 42% indicated their partner’s use of pornography made them feel insecure.

M) 60% of women admitted to having significant struggles with lust

Pornography Statistics

So I think it is easy to say porn can and is an issue in many families. So why do people and guys in general do it?

II) Biology ~ Men are more visually sexual then women.

ScienceDaily: Study Finds Male And Female Brains Respond Differently To Visual Stimuli

Further the amygdala works harder in men that view sexual stimuli that is converted to emotional reactions.

Amygdala - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

A)

Nature of sexual stimulus
Men show more attraction to visual sexual stimuli, whereas women are more attracted to auditory and written material, and in particular stimuli associated with a context of a loving and positive relationship. However, studies of arousal in response to these stimuli show little difference between the sexes.

Even in mapping the brain research found this to be true.

ScienceDirect - NeuroImage : Dynamics of male sexual arousal: distinct components of brain activation revealed by fMRI

Sex Differences in Response to Visual Sexual Stimuli: A Review

for inferring important perceptual mechanisms, such as selective attention, sensory binding, sensory dominance, and multimodal interactions, all of which are lively issues in human cognition and perception studies

Animal awareness: The (un)binding of multisensory cues in decision making by animals -- Hoy 102 (7): 2267 -- Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences

III) Understanding ~ So why do so many men do it and women can’t understand. Because we are built differently. Men are more sexual by visual cues then women are. Women are more stimulated mentally.

IV) Parallel ~ While I worked in a book store I found for every 10 Magazines sold to guys I sold one to a women.

A) While Playboy™ has 3 million US sales Playgirl™ has half a million or one sixth.

B) Romance novels sell about two million titles a year.

So the female erotica equivalent is close to the male. Now when you add the number of bought or rented romance “girlie” movies sold in the US compared to Porn there is a parallel.

V) Handling ~ Of course the hardest part for women to understand is how to handle porn in the house.

A) Does all porn have to be bad and tasteless. How about better sex videos?

B) Communication ~ If you truly have that much of an issue explain it to your partner. Ask them why they prefer make believe to the real thing.

1) This might lead to the discovery of addiction.

2) finding out about sexual frustration.

3) Learning the two of you have a sexual compatibility issue.

C) Reveal ~ Don’t expect your partner to know you are insecure about porn or that you think it is morally wrong. You have to tell them. If they say they are still attracted to you they most likely are, you should be in a relationship you can trust and believe in. If you can trust them with everything else why not if they find you attractive?

So why do guys do it. Technically as much as to what stimulates a person sexually by volume is equal. Guys use visual media because that is how males are wired. Do they have to--NO. But then again we all use different cues for sex.

Personally I have seen porn here and there, mostly friends showing me this or that. I don’t surf sex sites or get nudie magazines. Then again I have a great sex life. I want for nothing there.

Maybe it helps that I am addicted to forum posting.

draconis

 

[lovemywife]

I) 17% of all women struggle with porn addiction
1 of 3 visitors to all adult websites are women
9.4 million women access adult websites every month

now thats interesting ..

my wife and I watch porn together , however she'd kill me if she found it on my computer .:scratchhead:

 

[icey]

Personaly in moderation I wouldnt have a problem with it unless either partner was hiding it, as long as everyone is upfront I dont see a problem.

 

[draconis]

Generally I have a rule that I measure all things from. If I can't do it in front of my wife it is wrong. Therefore to watch porn we'd have to settle on a title and sit down together with it. It isn't that much of an interest with either of us right now.

draconis

 

[kajira]

Two points:
1. - Watching together can help provide the opprotunity for dialogue. Many times woman have strong desires, curiosities or even would like to get adventerous but do'nt for fear of ridicule or rejection.

2. - I amy be the exception to the rule, but I do enjoy visual stimulation as long as it is tasteful......(okay the blooppers where hysterical)

 

[draconis]

Two points:
1. - Watching together can help provide the opprotunity for dialogue. Many times woman have strong desires, curiosities or even would like to get adventerous but do'nt for fear of ridicule or rejection.

2. - I amy be the exception to the rule, but I do enjoy visual stimulation as long as it is tasteful......(okay the blooppers where hysterical)

Actually I have hear more women then men say they enjoy watching it. That makes me wonder why there are not more tasteful ones done.

draconis

 

[kajira]

Deep down I think woman like porn just as much as men however do not admit it. Woman do'nt always want tasteful, we are human and I think there are barbaric roots in all us.....

 

[draconis]

Deep down I think woman like porn just as much as men however do not admit it. Woman do'nt always want tasteful, we are human and I think there are barbaric roots in all us.....

Wow what you said show you have real guts. Funny I expected many women to argue with me over this thesis. I have learned more from the women and views of them from this. If I ever were to do anything else with this I would have to re-write parts as almost all women have said simular things. Porn is okay as long as it is a partner thing and their partner isn't addicted to it. I never thought women in general would be this open minded to it.

Again thank you for your open and honest opinion. It really makes me think twice.

draconis

 

[Doubt&Wonder]

Generally I have a rule that I measure all things from.

If I can't do it in front of my wife it is wrong.

I agree 100% - for to hide is to hurt & damage that which might never be put back together.

 

[Doubt&Wonder]

Deep down I think woman like porn just as much as men however do not admit it. Woman do'nt always want tasteful, we are human and I think there are barbaric roots in all us.....

TRUE to a certain POINT....... for some woman say NEVER while other say YES - but to a more sensual and romantic kind of porn.

I personally find it GROSS and DISTASTEFUL to see his body fluids splattered all over her face or body parts (or) to see her chained up like a dog..... now tell me how sexually pleasing is that to a female?

 

[evenow]

I guess I can weigh in here.

TRUE to a certain POINT....... for some woman say NEVER while other say YES - but to a more sensual and romantic kind of porn.

I personally find it GROSS and DISTASTEFUL to see his body fluids splattered all over her face or body parts (or) to see her chained up like a dog..... now tell me how sexually pleasing is that to a female?

I don't like the dog-scenario that you presented, but the "body fluids" as you put it, I don't mind.

I personally do watch pornography and don't really pay attention to the romantic stuff at all. I could care less about tasteful as long as it's getting my personal needs met.

Of course I have a terrible double standard for it. My husband doesn't watch pornography because it has been a problem for him in the past. Even if this was not an issue I would feel uncomfortable. I understand my own reasons for watching (exploration and release) but from him I would feel that he was using it to replace me.

 

[kajira]

Some woman enjoy giving up control of themselves at different levels. The sex part is just the bonus. Some woman live being in control of everything and having that trust with an individual that allows them to give up control can be a beautiful thing. The right man can break down those walls and help the woman give of herself completely. It is something some of us woman, need, want and desire.

 

[draconis]

TRUE to a certain POINT....... for some woman say NEVER while other say YES - but to a more sensual and romantic kind of porn.

I personally find it GROSS and DISTASTEFUL to see his body fluids splattered all over her face or body parts (or) to see her chained up like a dog..... now tell me how sexually pleasing is that to a female?

See that is the reaction I expected, I thank you for your honesty. I really think in the end it is a couples choice. I think there are some out there that are more tasteful then others, but everyone has a whim or fetish.

draconis

 

[draconis]

Some woman enjoy giving up control of themselves at different levels. The sex part is just the bonus. Some woman live being in control of everything and having that trust with an individual that allows them to give up control can be a beautiful thing. The right man can break down those walls and help the woman give of herself completely. It is something some of us woman, need, want and desire.

That also takes a lot of communication and trust too.

draconis

 

[draconis]

I guess I can weigh in here.



I don't like the dog-scenario that you presented, but the "body fluids" as you put it, I don't mind.

I personally do watch pornography and don't really pay attention to the romantic stuff at all. I could care less about tasteful as long as it's getting my personal needs met.

Of course I have a terrible double standard for it. My husband doesn't watch pornography because it has been a problem for him in the past. Even if this was not an issue I would feel uncomfortable. I understand my own reasons for watching (exploration and release) but from him I would feel that he was using it to replace me.

Well, I do not see it as a double standard if he were an alcoholic should he be able to drink because you do?

draconis

 

[evenow]

Well, I do not see it as a double standard if he were an alcoholic should he be able to drink because you do?

draconis

I didn't think of it that way.

I guess I just assumed if he couldn't watch porn, that I shouldn't either for solidarity? But he seems to be okay with it as long as he reaps the rewards. :smthumbup:

 

[draconis]

I didn't think of it that way.

I guess I just assumed if he couldn't watch porn, that I shouldn't either for solidarity? But he seems to be okay with it as long as he reaps the rewards. :smthumbup:

Most people are okay as long as they get a benefit from anothers activity. I have always looked at it as an addiction is an addiction and needs to treated as such.

draconis

 

[Thewife]

Trust me, I have never seen porn before marriage.......I felt awkward when DH introduced it to me..........later we started watching it together (tho i hate certain things), then we watched it alone but we dont hide it from each other. Now DH doesnt like to watch it together but I know he does alone.

I didnt mind this until I saw his reply to a spam sex mail, ever since I m not secure about letting him watch alone but I wouldnt know if he is still doing. The trust was shaken after this incident but I still trust him as it was only a spam mail. Perhaps he was just curious (hopefully).

 

[draconis]

Trust me, I have never seen porn before marriage.......I felt awkward when DH introduced it to me..........later we started watching it together (tho i hate certain things), then we watched it alone but we dont hide it from each other. Now DH doesnt like to watch it together but I know he does alone.

I didnt mind this until I saw his reply to a spam sex mail, ever since I m not secure about letting him watch alone but I wouldnt know if he is still doing. The trust was shaken after this incident but I still trust him as it was only a spam mail. Perhaps he was just curious (hopefully).

Have you ever considered a key logger?

draconis

 

[Thewife]

sorry for the late reply, really busy with my babies that i hardly find time to post.

Whats a key logger?