Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 23 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
46 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I keep seeing them mentioned on here. I know they aren't 100% accurate so my question is, have any of you used them and did they prove to be right?
I am still struggling with not being able to believe my husband only saw one escort and I feel like I will never be able to move past this and the trust issues without knowing all there is to know. I look forward to others experiences.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,273 Posts
I keep seeing them mentioned on here. I know they aren't 100% accurate so my question is, have any of you used them and did they prove to be right?
I am still struggling with not being able to believe my husband only saw one escort and I feel like I will never be able to move past this and the trust issues without knowing all there is to know. I look forward to others experiences.
Just my opinion, but, if I had an issue with my spouse that was so dire, that it required consideration of a polygraph, I'd be gone.

T
 
  • Like
Reactions: The Middleman

·
Registered
Joined
·
46 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Well, I know many people feel that way but I am willing to work through this as he is willing to anything it takes to prove to me how sorry he is and that I can believe him. He is doing all he can to make this right.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,419 Posts
I keep seeing them mentioned on here. I know they aren't 100% accurate so my question is, have any of you used them and did they prove to be right?
I am still struggling with not being able to believe my husband only saw one escort and I feel like I will never be able to move past this and the trust issues without knowing all there is to know. I look forward to others experiences.
They are used by law enforcement, but in the US they are not admissible as evidence. The reason law enforcement uses them is not always because they believe in their accuracy, but rather it is one more interrogation technique that could shed light on the investigation.

Their reliablility is affected by many factors, including the skill of the person administering it, the phrasing of the questions, and the knowledge of the person taking the test in how to defeat it.

The willingness to take one under the belief that they are very accurate could give you an indication of whether or not he is telling the truth. If he doesn't know how to beat the test, I believe they are more than 50% reliable.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
46 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Yeah, that's the problem, anyone can Google how to beat one.

I am hoping that maybe if he really thought I would go through with one he might come clean if there is more truth to tell, you know? Kind of like calling his bluff in a way.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
4,301 Posts
Yeah, that's the problem, anyone can Google how to beat one.

I am hoping that maybe if he really thought I would go through with one he might come clean if there is more truth to tell, you know? Kind of like calling his bluff in a way.
Googling it is one thing. Actually being able to pull it off is quite another.

I had to take a polygraph years ago for employment. I recall sweating bullets up to and during the test, and I had never done anything wrong or illegal.

If I had that kind of reaction while doing nothing wrong, I can't even begin to imagine what kind of reaction I would have knowing I had done wrong.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,628 Posts
Yeah, that's the problem, anyone can Google how to beat one.

I am hoping that maybe if he really thought I would go through with one he might come clean if there is more truth to tell, you know? Kind of like calling his bluff in a way.
You should already have installed a keylogger on his computer. If you haven't do so now. Then mention the polygraph. If he starts looking up websites on how to beat a polygraph you have your answer.

Also, most people will come clean on the steps of the building before going inside to actually fail the test. If you threaten the polygraph make sure you follow through,
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,628 Posts
Just my opinion, but, if I had an issue with my spouse that was so dire, that it required consideration of a polygraph, I'd be gone.

T
What if you didn't know how dire it was simply because the person was trickle truthing you? What if you had suspicions but not hard evidence?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
46 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
bfree, I totally understand your question. He came clean about one escort and said the whole experience was terrible..which who knows, it may be true, but to me it seems like he told me the best case scenario to keep from hurting me further.
I mean cheating with a hooker once is terrible enough, but how much worse would it be if is has been 5, 10 or 15 times and he enjoyed it? I mean how can you trust a proven liar?? He says he admitted to it because that is how much he wants to make things right, and swears everyday it was only once, but how in hell I am supposed to believe anything he says? He is doing all of the right things, but lets face it. I don't trust him right now any further than I can throw him.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,628 Posts
bfree, I totally understand your question. He came clean about one escort and said the whole experience was terrible..which who knows, it may be true, but to me it seems like he told me the best case scenario to keep from hurting me further.
I mean cheating with a hooker once is terrible enough, but how much worse would it be if is has been 5, 10 or 15 times and he enjoyed it? I mean how can you trust a proven liar?? He says he admitted to it because that is how much he wants to make things right, and swears everyday it was only once, but how in hell I am supposed to believe anything he says? He is doing all of the right things, but lets face it. I don't trust him right now any further than I can throw him.
Do you have access to everything? His cell phone, computer, laptop, etc. Do you have complete access to all his social media avenues like Facebook? Is he completely transparent? If not then that needs to change. Does he routinely clear his browser history and text messages? If so then that might be a concern as well. I would still install a keylogger on the computer. Others here can give you more info on how to do that. If he was using the services of prostitutes on a regular basis my guess is that he would continue to do so and a keylogger might pick up that activity. If you have a keylogger installed you would also know if he looks at websites that give advice on passing polygraph tests if you choose to go that route (which I recommend btw). Basically you need to do whatever it takes to clear your mind of any mistrust or it will hang over your marriage like a dark cloud.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
54 Posts
I am getting my husband one on monday, $300 for one. Suppose to be 99% accurate. Done by and ex fbi agent that as does this for the police. I NEED the truth to determine my fate with my husband. And if i cant trust him now, this is what i have to do.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,419 Posts
Well, I know many people feel that way but I am willing to work through this as he is willing to anything it takes to prove to me how sorry he is and that I can believe him. He is doing all he can to make this right

I am hoping that maybe if he really thought I would go through with one he might come clean if there is more truth to tell, you know? Kind of like calling his bluff in a way.
.
bfree makes a few excellent points. Sometimes you can figure out the likelihood of a lie by observing other actions. Does he delete browser history and texts? If he is deleting, that is not being transparent and not doing everything he can to make it right. Could you get a keylogger in place first to see if he googles "how to beat a polygraph?"

Based on this forum, a lot of cheaters confessed prior to polygraph because they assumed the polygraph really was a scientific "lie detector." Just his being willing to take one shows that he is willing to do everything in his power to make it right. It's one more consequence to allow him to show with you with concrete actions how sorry he is and how much he wants it to work.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,419 Posts
I am getting my husband one on monday, $300 for one. Suppose to be 99% accurate. Done by and ex fbi agent that as does this for the police. I NEED the truth to determine my fate with my husband. And if i cant trust him now, this is what i have to do.
I don't know what percentage of accuracy the polygraph has. I guess I could google it, but I'm too lazy. Where did you get the 99% figure from?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,273 Posts
What if you didn't know how dire it was simply because the person was trickle truthing you? What if you had suspicions but not hard evidence?
Bfree, to be clear, I'm only speaking from my perspective. I think for people inclined to push through an affair and reconcile and feel they need more solid evidence that the WS is telling the truth, then a polygraph might help them.

For me personally, I would never go through the indignity of asking my wife to take a polygraph. If my marriage was in such dire straights, as to compel me to consider bringing in a polygraph, then it's over.

"What if you had suspicions but not hard evidence?"

That wouldn't happen. If I had suspicions I'd have a private investigator on it immediately and be done with it one way or the other. I once had a girlfriend who, after about six months together, started hinting about marriage, I really liked her, maybe I'd fall in love and ask her to marry me someday, I wasn't sure. Something happened while we were dating, I can't remember what it was now, but whatever it was I became suspicious. I put a private investigator on her and, surprisingly, within 24 hours I had what I needed. I called her the next day (this is before texting) and asked her how the event went that she attended last night, her response, Oh, it was so nice (of course I knew she wasn't at the event), I asked her why she would lie about being at that event, and she just started crying, I broke up with her. I was "suspicious" for only a few days, the PI gave me all the truth I needed.

So, no, I would not be suspicious of my spouses activity for long.


T
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
Sorry, I don't have any real advice here, but I do have some insight into polygraphs as I am in the legal field.

Polygraphs ARE admissable in court. But only if the presiding judge chooses to allow it. There is no blanket rule that says polygraphs are never allowed. It could be considered as evidence or not considered as evidence, just like anything else in a court matter. If a judge looks at the integrity of the polygraph test- the quality of the questions, the skill of the interviewer, and its importance to the case, he/she can decide to allow it during trial.

I guess what we can take away from this is, if you're going to do a polygraph, get the best interviewer you can. The better the interviewer, the better the questions asked, and the more reliable the results will be. If it's admissable in court, I think it would be good enough for me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
686 Posts
Polygraphs do well at what they are designed to do. If you want to know the answer to the question: "Have you had sex with another woman?", it is literally fool proof. It is not good at feelings or impressions type question, since they are innately subjective. A good examiner will be able to filter out people who are nervous to people that are lying, based on examination techniques. They ask a variety of questions, many of which are redundant. This also helps to weed out the truth. There is no Google article that will help you pass this test. Most of the margin of error is in the inconclusive category.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
165 Posts
I put my WW through the indignity of a polygraph. It helped her end contact, get her act together, see I was serious, and pull her head of her @... fog.
 
1 - 20 of 23 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top