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Hello there, I'm brand new on this site. I've read some of the threads written by men and women alike and i would like to point out a simple fact that has always served me well over the years. This fact is important for both women and men to have in mind, even if the circumstances in which it may come in handy are quite different.

Golden truth:

Men don't have female friends

(unless they are completely unattractive)


It's not even original but a lot of you people seem to be forgetting it. Guys don't have female friends at all. What guys have are women they would like to pork and so use "friendship" as a gateway to make something happen. Of course this only applies to heterosexual males.

But let me clarify what i mean by friendship here (lest you ladies go absolutely berserk when you see your hubby/BF talking to an attractive girl). I'm not talking about women men need to talk to socially or due to business. I'm talking about that woman that keeps sending non-work related emails and phone messages all the time and your hubby/bf answers too.

Oh yes, almost forgot, i'm a man, so this isn't just some feminazi idiotic rant. I'm just being brutally honest. And let me continue being so. Some of you may be bruised by what i'm about to write but consider it tough love.

What makes a man come close to a woman in a platonic way (real platonic, not the fake "i'll do you later" thing)? Her personality? Common interests? Her sense of humor? All of these? Sure, multiple things, theoretically.

The thing is, I have never seen this happen other than in the situation where the woman is completely unattractive (in which situation she is basically just another "guy"). I've never felt the need to connect to a woman this way and i've never seen this in real life (as opposite to movies where this happens non-stop).


When the woman is attractive there is just one thing that makes a guy approach her. And that is a romantic interest. That is not to say men fall in love with every attractive woman they see. That's simply not the case. I mean romantic in a "let's keep this door open just in case i want to make a move".

So if you ladies have a hubby/bf that keeps multiple female "friends" (not mistake this for the mandatory acquaintances) around and he devotes much of his time to them be very aware that if she presents herself to him he will probably take it.

She is not his "friend". She can't do/be nothing better than a male friend. 9/10 times women have different interests of men. Men can't/won't approach certain subjects with women. Men are never genuine with women other than withing a very heavy relationship. Why in hell would you keep a close friend that you can't open up too? As friends go, male friends are vastly superior. The only single red flag reason to keep a female "friend" is to entertain the notion that she may become a lover if things go a certain way.

Oh! And before the guys with the manginas start professing their true platonic friendships to attractive women, i would say they are either deceiving themselves, cuz "The Nile isn't just a river in Egypt", or they they suffer from a case of sexual identity confusion.

Having said this, i will not say your hubby/bf is definitely cheating with that "friend" of his. What i'm saying is that he is leaving his options open and you should really take the time and effort to check that. And if she makes you that uncomfortable (as she should) then make it clear to him. Push her aside. Don't make it easy on him.

I know that modernity tells you to loosen up and don't be jealous. But it's a load of crap. Cheating men love it when they are given liberty to go as they please. I know because i'm around guys like that all the time.

To the gentlemen reading this, you know that guy your wife/gf calls "friend" and is always calling, texting, mailling her about non business crap? Have you read what i wrote? Have you really read it? You're a man, you know how we think don't you? That other guy is not different from you. He has the exact same things on his mind. What are you waiting for? Start acting like a freaking ALPHA MALE. Go Silverback on his ass and your partner if needed. Platonic friendships hardly exist.


Now a special note for american white males.


I'm portuguese, and this makes a big difference i believe, in the ways i was taught to be a man and how i go about conducting my relationship with my partner. Seeing your TV shows, movies, reading this forum... All of this tells me that you've allowed yourselves to be convinced that you are completely helpless regarding relationships and you must somehow provide for your family and don't show a hint of jealousy or sense of ownership in your relation (not real ownership but a figurative one, as your partner is YOUR partner and you are HERS). Apparently women have no problem dictating their needs to you but you're afraid to demand and... well, i'm going to say it, ACT LIKE MEN!!!

Just look at the amount of times in this forum that a guy that suspects foul play on his wife's part, when advised to seek confirmation and confront her about it says something like "she can become mad" or "what if she isn't cheating"...

Well... DUUUHHH... if she isn't cheating then she will get over it and she will be more into you because you've just acted like a dominant male instead of the pussified human with XY chromosomes that you usually are (being this a very plausible explanation for why she is cheating on you). Women don't think like we do. Just look at the world around you! Who gets cheated on? The decided dominant male that poses himself in a confident way or the "sensible" touchy feely type that she knows will take her back and forgive her (blame himself, maybe!!!)?

And dudes, please... Instead of "listening" to what women say they want in a man, look at guys who have great success with women. Are these two men similar? No they are not. The nice guy gets run over and is a backup for when she fails to hook up with the guy she really wanted to be with. Next thing she will be all over another dude on a parking lot or something.

And yanks, stop apologizing for being male. With a few honorable exceptions you allow women to walk all over you. That partially explains how your media depicts men (what's up with all husbands being presented as goofy lazy idiots whereas the wife calls all the shots?) and even explains half the guys on this web site.

I love women, most beautiful creatures on earth, but i'll be damned if i let one cut my jewels off...
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Glad you cleared the air on this.

Unfortunately I actually agree with most of what you said.
I know i'm not being original, gunpowder was invented a long time ago :p but something so simple is apparently very easy to forget. My hope is that some men and women see this and it makes them wake up. They aren't being paranoid, if they are uncomfortable about something they should come out with it. Not wait until the divorce papers are on the mailbox or they have to do paternity tests about the kids (poor kids too).

OP,
What about women?
Won't risk it. I am perfectly comfortable with the inner workings of my own gender but i will not presume to know more than i do about them. What i can do is watch their behavior and go from there. Maybe some lady can give her own honest input.
 

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So true, unless you get one of the vintages! Also? After you tour the port wine distilleries, sampling at each one, you have to walk over that big high bridge from Vila Nova de Gaia back to Porto -- vertigo city!
Alas, I do not drink alcoholic beverages... I suppose I shall have to live vicariously thru you, my dear Lamaga. ;)
 

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Nah, Paladin, don't do that. It's a great place -- although if you speak Brazilian Portuguese, it's kind of a comedy of errors :)
 
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