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You keep mentioning can of worms, jail cells, can’t divorce because of what would come out. Does she have some really bad dirt on you or something? You mention working with chemo patients. Are you an oncologist who has been committing Medicare fraud for years or something?
 

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A lot of things in life you don't get a do over for. Sending your wife out to flirt with other guys on your dime while you babysit the kids is one of them. Cuckoldry is never forgiven.

At this point you just gotta pick one of your bad options. Put up with being treated like you are or deal with the consequences of getting divorced.
 

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we stood 182% chance of not making it 10 years
Oddly specific. Your w is a mathematician as well as a brat.

Someone on these boards said something profound (to me) that might help you.
"If you want your wife to be interested in you, be interesting"

I don't know how that might play out in your dynamic with daddy issues in the picture, but it's clear that you are not interesting to her.

Can you become interesting to her?

I'm not trying to blame you for this, but if there's no infidelity or abuse involved then every problem belongs to you both.

Best of luck to you.
 

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It is abhorrent. I can't imagine what sort if people would make fun of someone going through chemo.

I still don't understand why you cant get a divorce.

Oh and 20 isn't a child. I married at 19, it was v common when I was that age to marry young.
Amen. File and move on. She is not happy you are not happy. Get yourself in to regular sessions with a good counselor NOW! I sense self esteem issues with you big time
 
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You can't have a single lawyer. That is not how lawyers work. It's an adversarial system by design but they do offer mediation & something called collaborative divorce is a thing. Yes, you actually have to have the divorce papers signed by a judge It's not optional.

Don't be cheap about this. A good divorce lawyer will cut through the nonesense to get you aaprt unless you become entrenched over stupid stuff like who is going to own a particular possession. It's only stiff. You can get more.
Yes, a judge has to sign the divorce papers. But a divorcing couple does not have to go to court in person and have a hearing if the couple agrees to the terms of divorce.
 

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All week long they showed me they don't really care about me. I didn't complain and only tried to support. But it broke my heart when they made fun of me while in the bathroom from some of the side effects I have to deal with.
If my kids did that to me, I would confront them. Did you? If not, why not?
 

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If my kids did that to me, I would confront them. Did you? If not, why not?
It feels like there's a lot of water under the bridge, never challenged. We're left wondering in what way the two are irrevocably tied together by something from their past that would land them in jail if they were to divorce. Is it a nuclear option both hold over each other? That they can't be forced to testify against each other if married? And what's changed such that he's questioning the abuse he's been getting now, which he just let go for so long?
 

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You keep mentioning can of worms, jail cells, can’t divorce because of what would come out. Does she have some really bad dirt on you or something? You mention working with chemo patients. Are you an oncologist who has been committing Medicare fraud for years or something?
:LOL:

I'm giving OP the benefit of the doubt that he is overexaggerating the consequences of his divorce, but hey... lol
 

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When we started having children what's in my best interest took second place.


If I truly wanted a divorce I'd just walk away. But I can't do that to the kids. And if I wanted to surrender I wouldn't have spent so much time and money on personal development but what summed it up was the psycho analysis I was given on her. Apparently when a 20 girl falls for an older man she is really seeking a daddy replacement, not a partner. And I was so non emotional that I was just looking for breeding stock. With all the parameters I gave her, she told me we stood 182% chance of not making it 10 years after the birth of our first daughter. I guess we're just stubborn as hell because we've been together almost 20 years.
Did you tell your kids how awful it made you feel about them making fun of you because of chemo meds? Did you make it clear to them how AWFUL they are to do something like that, and not just to you? That shows EXTREMELY low character to do that.

You may not want to divorce for your own reasons, but I would make damn sure that your will is updated.
Your wife and kids sound SUPER entitled -- so make sure that they aren't entitled to any of your hard-earned assets when you go.

I still don't get why you can't divorce -- has there been something illegal going on for the past 20 years?
 
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