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Yes, I have become the type of man I want my children to see but I work with a lot of chemo patients and if one of them told me their family made fun of them for puking, I would find that abhorrent.
When I went through my transformation and became a better person it seems that their resentment started to grow. Or maybe that's just when I started to notice.
🤦‍♂️

I'm talking about your self respect and strength to carry out what is in your best interest no matter what difficulties lie ahead for you.

You want a divorce but what is stopping you truly - what is so bad that you surrender so readily?
 

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Yes, I have become the type of man I want my children to see but I work with a lot of chemo patients and if one of them told me their family made fun of them for puking, I would find that abhorrent.
When I went through my transformation and became a better person it seems that their resentment started to grow. Or maybe that's just when I started to notice.
It is abhorrent. I can't imagine what sort if people would make fun of someone going through chemo.

I still don't understand why you cant get a divorce.

Oh and 20 isn't a child. I married at 19, it was v common when I was that age to marry young.
 

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She's not 20 any more. Have you tried marriage counseling to reignite the spark?

Even if it's amicable you still have to go to court to get divorced. If she gets nasty, you don't have to respond in kind. You can still keep your cool & focus on your kids.
 

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When we started having children what's in my best interest took second place.

If I truly wanted a divorce I'd just walk away. But I can't do that to the kids. And if I wanted to surrender I wouldn't have spent so much time and money on personal development but what summed it up was the psycho analysis I was given on her.
Classic tale of "staying for the kids" vs a divorce.

Apparently when a 20 girl falls for an older man she is really seeking a daddy replacement, not a partner. And I was so non emotional that I was just looking for breeding stock. With all the parameters I gave her, she told me we stood 182% chance of not making it 10 years after the birth of our first daughter. I guess we're just stubborn as hell because we've been together almost 20 years.
Not always, my last ex was 18 when I met her while I was 32 and our dynamics were definitely nothing like that, if anything it leaned more towards me being the baby lol. We broke up for many other reasons however. Young women at those ages seem to be only beginning to figure out what they want though it seems.
 

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Can anyone relate?
Are you kidding ? Of course I relate. I have had 2 marriages and a SO relationship in which you describe the exact dynamics. You know,, the ones where I am the pack mule upon which she rides and places the burdens of her life. The one where the kids disrespect you because their mother does.

when a 20 girl falls for an older man she is really seeking a daddy replacement, not a partner.
The psychobabblists can say whatever they want, but in my experience, even when a woman 9 years older than you "falls" for you, she is looking for a daddy replacement. But, in my case, there wasn't any "fall". There was a feigned "fall" and a manipulation game to get me to believe there was a "fall". A con game to secure monetary and physical support, built-in babysitter.

she felt that meant I didn't want to be with her.
Yep. And I tried to show her I did. But the actual truth is, I didn't want to be with her. You know what I wished I had said to them ? I should have aske "....why in the name of God would I want to be with you.?? .a person who doesn't want me sexually, not attracted to me for any reason, has no purpose in life for me except as a "provider" ?? Please give me one good reason I should want to be with you......all the things you want for your own life have NOTHNG TO DO WITH ME. I am only a means to an end. A slave which you own."

amicable and her definition of that is unacceptable.
Their definition of marriage iwas also unacceptable.

living together in hell is better than living apart in 8x10 cells.
For me, the FACTS were, that i HAD A CHOICE. I took the better and easier choice. The FACT was, if I remained married, I could somewhat control what my kids had to endure. Divorced, being a weekend dad, would never have given them the kind of upbringing I wanted them to have. The FACT was, I would have also been dirt poor while giving her the lion's share of the money I made. The FACT was, the marriage was lousy. But, staying married, in the legal sense, I had the freedom to make THE REST OF MY LIFE better. There was no court telling me how much money I had to give her, when I could be a father to my boys I used "emotional divorce" as my shield. I just learned to not give a carpenter's damn what she thought, what she said. I just told her "....if you want out, you know where the door is... please use it, and make my day. "

Wait for that and then leave.
Good plan.
 

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You can't have a single lawyer. That is not how lawyers work. It's an adversarial system by design but they do offer mediation & something called collaborative divorce is a thing. Yes, you actually have to have the divorce papers signed by a judge It's not optional.

Don't be cheap about this. A good divorce lawyer will cut through the nonesense to get you aaprt unless you become entrenched over stupid stuff like who is going to own a particular possession. It's only stiff. You can get more.
 

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I may be totally wrong, but is the chemo for becoming a transgender, and not for fighting cancer?
 
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