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Please could anyone shed some light on my current situation...

just over three weeks ago my partner of 8 years up and left me for a guy she met at work and had only really know for just over two months. We recently purchased our first home together months ago) and were ready to start our adult lives together (26 yrs old). Im devistated and am still struggling with the whole thing. She sent me an email the other night after we accidentallly bumped into each other in town. I couldnt talk so I left as soon as i saw her but this is what she said in the mail...

Please shed some light on what she is doing and what im supposed to interpret from this...

Hi,
I hope you understand why i am writing this...
It killed me to see you the other day - and i want to be there for you but i know that i cant... my immediate reaction was to want you back so much, i miss you and i always will... i cant forgive myself for what ive done to you and i dont expect you to,,,
Its probably not fair for me to write this but i want you to know...
I am just trying my best to put things out of my mind and just get on with life, work, etc ... its not easy, but i hope you are trying to do the same... i have really low points where i hate myself so much and dont want to carry on with anything anymore,,, but then i know i need to snap myself out of it and that eventually everything will be ok and things will feel 'normal' again...
Why am i telling you this??? do you really want to know ? - i guess not - but i cant just NOT let you know - i guess really i want to know how you are - probably because i imagine the worst - --- i know ive always been there when you needed me and i know how you can feel and i've felt the same, so low that nothing else in the world can possibly be worth living for ... i only know, that like i've said, eventually things will get better and ... i know youve got your friends and family ...
and if i'm really honest... i'm telling you all this probably because i want to know that you're ok, so i dont have to punish myself so much, but i guess thats what i deserve... you have every write to hate me and not care for me at all, but i still care about you and i always will ... even if i dont see you and you were probably right that it wasnt best to see each other -
Maybe if you wrote back to me, it would help you to get some things off your chest - but i understand if you prefer not to and to be honest, i know it would hurt to hear from you... but at the same time it hurts not to hear from you... #
I'm rambling on now... i had better go - its taken me about an hour to write this...
I am staying at my Mum's and am at my Dads on Thursdays and some other ties during the week...
I hope this email hasnt made you feel worse, it wasnt meant to...
x
 

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First have her transfer the house into just your name. Otherwise at any time she can ask for it to be sold and get her half even if she doesn't live there and hasn't ever made a payment.

Second, Other then clearing up the finiancial aspect I would do much to console her. She left you for what ever reason. If she wanted back that reason would still be there and it can easily happen again.

After eight years I am sure you have deep feelings for her and saw her as your future. There isn't just one person for someone. Know that after a while if you take your time and take it slow after you have healed you will find someone that makes your heart jump just the same and in the end may even be better for you.

Let go of any of the hate. If you see her say hi, if she engages you in conversation and you feel uncomfortable just say you are busy and have to go and you'll catch up with her another time.

draconis
 

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It sounds as though she feels extremely guilty for causing you such pain and in an incoherent sort of way is trying to console you or at least reach out to you emotionally. Just because she left doesn't mean she no longer cares for you (as a human being, not a partner). Break ups are hard for everyone, even the person instigating them. After 8 years you were bonded together and the severing will be painful - for her as well as you. But don't read anything else into it. The subtext of the email is still that as far as she is concerned the romantic relationship between you is over.

You must be suffering and I sympathize. Be kind to yourself, find healthy distractions and try not to fixate or obsess on her. The following link might help a little:

Ultimate Self (realizing personal potential) | Letting go
 
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