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Been waiting for someone to recommend this. I agree 1000% percent; however, be smart about this Andrew - my situation a while back was not too dissimilar and I went a little overboard and it ended up costing me in the long run but could have been worse all things considering. You know this guys number, you can find out where he lives. Call him and tell him in no uncertain terms to stay way from your wife. Then work on fixing things with your woman. Hope thinhs work out for you.
You know, I would recommend doing something like this if it was your 14 year old daughter and some slob was sniffing around her inappropriately. Then big daddy SHOULD come in and protect his little girl.

But that is not the case at all here.

She's a grown ass woman, not some child who needs to be protected.

And as a grown ass woman, she's CHOOSING and ENCOURAGING and actively PARTICIPATING in staying romantically engaged with this guy. And that means she wants his attention and is seeking it. And unless I missed it, the OP hasn't said one single thing about her crying and cringing in fear and claiming she doesn't want the attention of this other guy. Nor has he said anything about her begging him to protect her from this 'predator.'

Therefore, she's engaging with this guy because she wants to. Period.

There is NO pride or dignity at ALL in the OP chasing down some guy and telling him to stay away from his wife when SHE'S the one happily engaging with him. It just makes the OP look like a desperate, weak fool who can't get his own wife to stop chasing someone else and respect him on his own merits so he has to go strong-arm the other party into stopping it. OP, do you honestly think she's going to magically love you just because you scared off her boyfriend? I mean, seriously? The whole reason he exists is because she's so unhappy, so she's not going to snap out of some fake 'fog' and suddenly love you again. Scaring him off isn't going to solve your problems. I mean, come on.

He's not your problem, OP. HE IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM. Your wife's complete disrespect and disregard towards YOU is your problem.
 

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You know, I would recommend doing something like this if it was your 14 year old daughter and some slob was sniffing around her inappropriately. Then big daddy SHOULD come in and protect his little girl.

But that is not the case at all here.

She's a grown ass woman, not some child who needs to be protected.

And as a grown ass woman, she's CHOOSING and ENCOURAGING and actively PARTICIPATING in staying romantically engaged with this guy. And that means she wants his attention and is seeking it. And unless I missed it, the OP hasn't said one single thing about her crying and cringing in fear and claiming she doesn't want the attention of this other guy. Nor has he said anything about her begging him to protect her from this 'predator.'

Therefore, she's engaging with this guy because she wants to. Period.

There is NO pride or dignity at ALL in the OP chasing down some guy and telling him to stay away from his wife when SHE'S the one happily engaging with him. It just makes the OP look like a desperate, weak fool who can't get his own wife to stop chasing someone else and respect him on his own merits so he has to go strong-arm the other party into stopping it. OP, do you honestly think she's going to magically love you just because you scared off her boyfriend? I mean, seriously? The whole reason he exists is because she's so unhappy, so she's not going to snap out of some fake 'fog' and suddenly love you again. Scaring him off isn't going to solve your problems. I mean, come on.

He's not your problem, OP. HE IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM. Your wife's complete disrespect and disregard towards YOU is your problem.
What you post about his wife being the problem is correct, however, the POSOM should not be messing with a married mother pure and simple. Sometimes you have to go to war on POSOM if you desire to save your marriage, you have to have two fronts in this battle.>:)
 

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@andrewh, fear not. You are stronger than you realize. You know your wife better than we do, but please do not play the pick me game. You are guaranteed to lose each time you do it. Times like you are experiencing require bold and forceful measures on your part if you do indeed desire to save your marriage. Do not worry about what other think. Do what you think is right for you whether it be D or R. Three is a crowd in any marriage.

I know where your head is at as I have been there. Your emotions are like a rollercoaster, and you likely have what I referred to during my struggle as “mental tornadoes”. Get yourself to the gym and hit the weights. Get a punching bag. These are great stress relievers.

Please do not hit the bottle. Only magnifies the issue at hand. Good luck to you in whatever direction you choose.
 

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Yes i totally agree. But I’m my humble opinion, the wife is not actually having an affair. I felt like she is pretending to be in order to hurt his feelings because he had hurt hers. If she’s actually really cheating and really emotionally involved somewhere else then yes, all the other advice work ( except for putting fire to a bed) but from what I read, she is not really having an affair.
Miss Milly, highly improbable. There are way too many red flags in his story. She is in a huge EA the likely turned into a PA in this southern gentleman’s opinion,
 

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But noticed while she was sitting next to me she is texting another guy from work. I didn't say anything until this morning and she said he is a genuinely nice guy who said he had feelings for her, and if she wasn't married might feel the same. What is that? How are we supposed to work on things if she spends the whole weekend texting this guy even while sitting next to me? I don't want to keep pushing her but I cannot in my mind let that go. PLEASE someone give me some advise. Thank you
Please ask Moderators to merge the two threads on the same topic that you posted.

This other man ("OM") and your wife text constantly, and he has told her that he has feelings for her which he clearly is seeking to develop; she appreciates his attention, and has told you that she can see herself having feeling for him. If you look up the meaning of the term emotional affair ("EA"), you will see that she is in an EA with this OM at the very least. Since a large percentage of EAs turn into physical affairs ("PA"), there is a good chance that this could go physical if it has not already. An EA is cheating even if it has not yet gone physical.

You have zero chance of fixing your marriage as long as she is in an affair. Tell her that you are only willing to work on the marriage if she is too, and that to work on the marriage she must end her EA with the other man. This means full 100% no contact with the other man, and an agreement to 100% transparency between the two of you. Then ask her to give you her phone so that you can read the texts and see how serious her relationship with the other man is. If she refuses claiming a false right to privacy, tell her that there is no right to privacy between spouses when another man is involved. Also tell her that those with nothing to hide, hide nothing, and that not giving you her phone prior to her having a chance to delete texts, confirms that she definitely knows that she is cheating on you with her OM. At this point you must be willing to end your marriage in order to have a chance at having a marriage worth saving, and you should communicate this with her. You must mean it and be prepared for her give you the **** test over this, meaning she will call your bluff to see if you back down.
 

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What you post about his wife being the problem is correct, however, the POSOM should not be messing with a married mother pure and simple. Sometimes you have to go to war on POSOM if you desire to save your marriage, you have to have two fronts in this battle.>:)
I respectfully agree to disagree on this.

If the only way to get my husband to stop cheating on me is to go scare off his girlfriend so she 'breaks up with him,' then what have I really won? I'm basically the consolation prize for a cheater at that point. I'll be getting stuck with someone who still feels the same way toward her and still wants her, but he can't have her anymore only because I ruined it for him, not because he suddenly wanted ME again.

I honestly can't imagine swallowing so much of my pride that I'd go scare off the OW just so I could 'win' back someone who CLEARLY was more than willing to risk losing me in the first place.

Nope. Ain't gonna do it. :laugh:
 

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What you post about his wife being the problem is correct, however, the POSOM should not be messing with a married mother pure and simple. Sometimes you have to go to war on POSOM if you desire to save your marriage, you have to have two fronts in this battle.
I respectfully agree to disagree on this.

If the only way to get my husband to stop cheating on me is to go scare off his girlfriend so she 'breaks up with him,' then what have I really won? I'm basically the consolation prize for a cheater at that point. I'll be getting stuck with someone who still feels the same way toward her and still wants her, but he can't have her anymore only because I ruined it for him, not because he suddenly wanted ME again.

I honestly can't imagine swallowing so much of my pride that I'd go scare off the OW just so I could 'win' back someone who CLEARLY was more than willing to risk losing me in the first place.

Nope. Ain't gonna do it.
 

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I respectfully agree to disagree on this.

If the only way to get my husband to stop cheating on me is to go scare off his girlfriend so she 'breaks up with him,' then what have I really won? I'm basically the consolation prize for a cheater at that point. I'll be getting stuck with someone who still feels the same way toward her and still wants her, but he can't have her anymore only because I ruined it for him, not because he suddenly wanted ME again.

I honestly can't imagine swallowing so much of my pride that I'd go scare off the OW just so I could 'win' back someone who CLEARLY was more than willing to risk losing me in the first place.

Nope. Ain't gonna do it.
I definitely get where your coming from and respect your take on it.

I can't help but agree with confrontation of some sort. If someone wants to impose on a family, they should have to at least face the family they think it is funny to harm.

I am pretty easy going about a lot of things but I am ruthlessly territorial about my family.

My Mrs. wouldn't behave this way and I would never have let my marriage get to the point that OP has but I would make someone face me who wanted to hurt my family. Dealing with my wife would be a different matter.

I deal with intruders differently than those that are already members of my family.

My wife would have much more to answer for and much more consideration as well than anyone stupid enough to trespass.

Mrs. C is territorial as well and it has worked pretty good at discouraging orbiters.

I also don't think a man should be able to take another man's woman without being willing to fight for her.

Primal, barbaric, true. A large part of my wife's very strong attraction to me is my willingness to fight for her, to own her and take possession of as well as defend what is mine.

I'm not even n favor of fighting for someone in every situation.

Everyone has their own boundaries but I can't fault those who choose to fight for their families.
 

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@No Longer Lonely Husband

What you post about his wife being the problem is correct, however, the POSOM should not be messing with a married mother pure and simple. Sometimes you have to go to war on POSOM if you desire to save your marriage, you have to have two fronts in this battle.

I respectfully agree to disagree on this. If the only way to get my husband to stop cheating on me is to go scare off his girlfriend so she 'breaks up with him,' then what have I really won? I'm basically the consolation prize for a cheater at that point. I'll be getting stuck with someone who still feels the same way toward her and still wants her, but he can't have her anymore only because I ruined it for him, not because he suddenly wanted ME again.

I honestly can't imagine swallowing so much of my pride that I'd go scare off the OW just so I could 'win' back someone who CLEARLY was more than willing to risk losing me in the first place.

Nope. Ain't gonna do it. :laugh:
Based on the above:

Were this me.

Note: I read both sides, appreciated both opinions, yet can only accept one.

Yes, though your wife disrespected you, you must not threaten bodily harm to a female, even a cheating one.

Now, the male, he gets no pass, he should receive the wrath, up close and painful.

This is not winning back a cheating spouse, this is defending your honor.
The honor tread on by thoughtless fools, as these.

An honor, stolen equally by a wayward wife and a ‘daring and presumptuous’ POSOM.

If you take from me, I will take something back in return. This is not swallowing pride, this is reclaiming such as this.

Granted, in today’s litigious society, the legal ramifications of violence rendered will be sever.
Short of actually striking him, you could press your nose into his and spit in his face.
This will lead to a lesser charge.

Then, quickly following, leaving the WS in yesterday’s ovule dustbin, offering not one polite goodbye.

Some storms will force themselves past, others cannot be allowed to die from inactivity.

Then again, there is always tomorrow.
Putting off till another day, not forgetting, rather, being patient.
Tomorrow is another day, another plot to savor, work on, and execute.




[The Helmsman]- These words taken from UlyssesHeart- he never forgetting, never forgiving.
 

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Andrew put me in Nolongerlonelyhusband's camp. I have been around this for over forty years off and on. In situations as you describe, you need to be in the drivers seat. To that end, I suggest a word or two with the AP. Do not be afraid to get into his face. Oh, and he may have family, and they may not be very happy with him messing with a married woman. And as a final nail in his coffin, threaten to inform their employer. He may not want to lose a job just because there is a potential for a new squeeze.

Now, one of my clients did this. He told the OM that either he backs off, or the consequences would be dire. The OM laughed at him. My client did not give half a damn, and levelled both the OM's and his wife's world. He lost his employment, and he had a side business that was shuttered in under a month. The wife's employment ended, and her reputation was completely destroyed. OM showed up at my client's home to beg him to lay off. The OM was told to move. GTFO of this province and do not come back. He moved across country to restart. He will think twice before ever going after a married woman.

One realizes that you are dependent on her income, however, keep this in your back pocket for when you are secure. Tell the OM that you will not hesitate to wreck his world.
 

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Andrew put me in Nolongerlonelyhusband's camp. I have been around this for over forty years off and on. In situations as you describe, you need to be in the drivers seat. To that end, I suggest a word or two with the AP. Do not be afraid to get into his face. Oh, and he may have family, and they may not be very happy with him messing with a married woman. And as a final nail in his coffin, threaten to inform their employer. He may not want to lose a job just because there is a potential for a new squeeze.

Now, one of my clients did this. He told the OM that either he backs off, or the consequences would be dire. The OM laughed at him. My client did not give half a damn, and levelled both the OM's and his wife's world. He lost his employment, and he had a side business that was shuttered in under a month. The wife's employment ended, and her reputation was completely destroyed. OM showed up at my client's home to beg him to lay off. The OM was told to move. GTFO of this province and do not come back. He moved across country to restart. He will think twice before ever going after a married woman.

One realizes that you are dependent on her income, however, keep this in your back pocket for when you are secure. Tell the OM that you will not hesitate to wreck his world.
Sometimes it is necessary to go scorched earth as General Sherman did on his march to Atlanta. I for one would make his life a living hell on earth. He who does not wish to be f’d With does not F’ over.
 

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I respectfully agree to disagree on this.

If the only way to get my husband to stop cheating on me is to go scare off his girlfriend so she 'breaks up with him,' then what have I really won? I'm basically the consolation prize for a cheater at that point. I'll be getting stuck with someone who still feels the same way toward her and still wants her, but he can't have her anymore only because I ruined it for him, not because he suddenly wanted ME again.

I honestly can't imagine swallowing so much of my pride that I'd go scare off the OW just so I could 'win' back someone who CLEARLY was more than willing to risk losing me in the first place.

Nope. Ain't gonna do it.
Not to mention it won't work to achieve anything useful.
 

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Sometimes it is necessary to go scorched earth as General Sherman did on his march to Atlanta. I for one would make his life a living hell on earth. He who does not wish to be f’d With does not F’ over.
It is usual for whom and to achieve what? It might temporarily make the BS feel better. Otherwise, it is hard to see what benefit it would have.
 

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Lol... since November ! HOWEVER I am looking to start studying to become a couple therapist
Please don't. I think the training will damage your natural empathetic abilities.
 

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It is usual for whom and to achieve what? It might temporarily make the BS feel better. Otherwise, it is hard to see what benefit it would have.
Seeing as how it worked in his life, mine and others in real life, your opposition to it makes very little sense.

This isn't theory being advised but proven actions with proven results.

I could understand your criticism and doubt about his actions if his actions did not get results but they did. I have also seen it work in my own life as well as that of others.
 

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It is not a question of winning. It is a question of keeping the conflict between the spouses without extraneous influences. I have seen this a number of times, and without the OM/OW fanning flames, the betrayed spouse has a better than even chance of making the right decision. Whether or not it is reconciliation or separation, the decision can be made AFTER the third party is removed from the equation. I cannot stress this more deeply, the decisions made while an OM/OW is on the scene are deeply influenced by extraneous factors. One does not need the enemy whispering in the ear of an individual that is for all intents and purposes an emotional cripple. No good decision comes out of that milieu. Yes, acceptance of a cheating spouse, and work toward reconciliation may be counter intuitive to many people here, however, the decisions are made BETWEEN the spouses, and not vectored away by the presence of a third individual. One understands that the cheating spouse may be no prize, however, that is NOT the decision of the posters here.
 

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Seeing as how it worked in his life, mine and others in real life, your opposition to it makes very little sense.
We're talking about going near postal on the OM/W, right? I can't say I am opposed to it. Since it worked for you, you can share what benefit there was in it.

This isn't theory being advised but proven actions with proven results.

I could understand your criticism and doubt about his actions if his actions did not get results but they did. I have also seen it work in my own life as well as that of others.
My bad. I must have missed posts. What results? Thanks.
 

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We're talking about going near postal on the OM/W, right? I can't say I am opposed to it. Since it worked for you, you can share what benefit there was in it.



My bad. I must have missed posts. What results? Thanks.
No Longer Lonely Husband confronted and might have done more and it definitely helped him. He deleted his thread.

To avoid extending this possible TJ, I will start a thread about actual confrontation stories and the results.
 

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No Longer Lonely Husband confronted and might have done more and it definitely helped him. He deleted his thread.

To avoid extending this possible TJ, I will start a thread about actual confrontation stories and the results.
Please post a link.
 
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