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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
My Wife told me 2 days ago that she no longer loves me and I'm devastated. We have a 8 year old son together and the thought of leaving them both is killing me. We have been married 9 years...

She has promised me there is no one else involved - it is just a case that she loves me for being the father of our son but there is nothing else there.

I don't know what to do, my stomach is in knots. She has agreed to see a marriage counsellor with me, but if she has made up her mind is there really any point? Will I just be putting off the inevitable and putting myself through more torture?

For the record I have always been and still am completely in love with her.

Please help...
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
I'd really appreciate any help and/or advice on this please?

As I said I'm devastated and just don't know what to do.
 

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Well, you're going to counselling, what else can you do?

Just try to make this as painless as possible for your son.
 

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I don't know what to do, my stomach is in knots. She has agreed to see a marriage counsellor with me, but if she has made up her mind is there really any point? Will I just be putting off the inevitable and putting myself through more torture?

For the record I have always been and still am completely in love with her.

Please help...
There isn't enough information here to offer you much feedback to your questions. The fact she's willing to see a MC says she isn't "completely done" with you, but it's also not a guarantee that she'll address problems. If you care to share more details about what immediately triggered her to say this and what built up to that moment, it can help us give you better feedback.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thank you for your replies.

I'll try and give some more info but I really don't have too much...

She turned 39 the other day and it all seemed to start after this, I thought it was the case of birthday blues but she has since told me she's been thinking about it for a long time - 6 months or so.

She says she doesn't know who she is anymore - that she just became a wife and mother.

I've always felt happy and our relationship hasn't been abusive in any way - although I probably do have a horrible knack of moaning about small things; mess in the kitchen etc.

I desperately want another chance to put this right. I'm trying desperately to keep it all together for the sake of our son - I am being as nice as I possible can too her - but she is now very distant.

Honestly, it's killing me at the moment.

Thank you all again.
 

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Another MLC.

Stop acting clingy, it will only drive her further away.

Sorry to be curt. If she wants to know who she is, tell her to look at her drivers licence. All that information is there.

Why haven't you sensed this coming?

Who has she been in contact with lately?

Has she made any new friends?
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Another MLC.

Stop acting clingy, it will only drive her further away.

Sorry to be curt. If she wants to know who she is, tell her to look at her drivers licence. All that information is there.

Why haven't you sensed this coming?

Who has she been in contact with lately?

Has she made any new friends?
As far a is know she hasn't been in contact with anyone new recently.

She has promised me there is no other man involved - and I do still trust her.
 

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This is a Mid Life Crisis. Been through this. It is devastating to the unknowning spouse. Heed my words....Do everything to mitigate the damage, for this will very likely pass.

Do not crumble. Learn the 180 and be as strong as you can, mostly for yourself and your child. Patience is the key. Be steadfast and solid, knowing that she may need space and time to get through all of this.

The fact she will do MC is good. You should both do IC also, if possible. It is money well spent if you choose the right Counselors. Make sure you both agree on the MC. Neither one should be going to a MC if they are uncomfortable or sense the C is not pro-marriage. Counselors bring their own history and pain into the room, so ask good questions.

Read "Divorce Remedy or Dovorce Busters". They were very helpful to me.

I wish you well!
 

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Intact

It takes 2 to have a successful marriage.

If there is no one else involved then all you can do is be honest with each other, get quality counseling and take it from there.

What your wife needs to identify is why is she unhappy and why does she think a Divorce will solve her unhappiness.

Remember this. You cannot change her mind or control her.

So do not get all clingy. Communicate with her. Tell her your feelings and guide her to get help.

I bet you will find out the problem has very little to do with you or the marriage.

Is your wife a selfish person?

Start investigating quietly and see whom else is giving her advice.

Good Luck
 

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There could be someone else. They will not tell the truth if there is. The other person could be a PA, EA or even a friend who is supporting their wayward thinking. This is very common. Sometimes it is someone who is going through their own break-up and misery loves company.

Be vigilant, snoop, and if you find anyone else in Texts, Emails or other ways, come here for advice before you confront. Mitigate the damage by getting knowledge. Do not react with emotion!!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Thanks again for the replies.

I still trust her now and am trying not to be too clingy but its difficult.

She has promised me on a few occasions that there isn't anyone else involved - and frankly I just don't see where she'd get the time to see someone else. She's quite a busy person and we are together every evening.

Someone asked is she is selfish, and honestly she is probably the least selfish person I have ever met.
 

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I know you trust your wife. So there's no way another man can be involved. We hear that a lot on this forum. The truth is, when a "ILoveYouButI'mNotInLoveWithYou" appears, 9 times out of 10 there's somebody else in the picture.

What you have to do, right now, at the very least, is rule out another man (the "OM"). Does she always have her cell phone with her and does she guard it? Check the cell phone records. You'll have to set up an account with your carrier online to get detailed records. Look for one number she calls a lot. Look at the number of texts. Also check emails thoroughly. This is all easy to do and it has to be done. And make sure you do it without her knowing. If you find something don't confront her until you come here to get advice. You'll get invaluable guidance here.

Nobody believes their wife is capable of cheating, until it happens to them. If there's nobody else involved then it's another issue. But you have to find out.
 

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Thanks again for the replies.

I still trust her now and am trying not to be too clingy but its difficult.

She has promised me on a few occasions that there isn't anyone else involved - and frankly I just don't see where she'd get the time to see someone else. She's quite a busy person and we are together every evening.
Someone asked is she is selfish, and honestly she is probably the least selfish person I have ever met.
The bolded part: That's said a lot here. "There's no time for her to have an affair." You're naive if you believe that. There's always time. You can't believe how many betrayed spouses are shocked at how wayward spouses can wedge affair time into their busy day. If there's a desire, they'll find the time. Waywards can be unbelievably resourceful.
 

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It took me about a month after hearing the D word after 17 years of a very good marriage. I asked if there was anyone else and she claimed no with confidence, I believed her.

One day she left her work emails open and sure enough her was a sting of emails with a younger single guy she works with talking about meeting for lunchs. Also emails with her older sister who she works with talking about this guy and how good looking he is.

This sister never married and has been through many relationships in our 17 year marriage. She was breaking up with one when this all happened.

It took me a while to get up to speed and hindsight has made it very clear that her MLC was supported by a few people who had no interest in our marriage and the damage they were doing to it.

It is your marriage. This may or may not be happening behind your back, but there are many stories of others here on TAM that would suggest you keep your eyes open and don't confront until you get advice here.
 
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