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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am fairly new to the forum but have read many posts about similar situations such as mine. I do get some answers that are very helpful, but my mind is going CRAZY. I can't sleep at night and I cry all the time (please note I had all these thoughts and emotions prior to getting pregnant with our second child. So it's not just the hormones. lol.) My husband and I have 1 child with another on the way. I NEED someone to please give me their honest, personal opinion. Anyone who has the patience to get through this long post is an angel. Please help, I'm loosing my mind. :confused:

We have been together for over 3 years. We've known each other for almost 5 years. We are both in our mid/upper 20's. We are a very, very open couple. We talk about everything and anything. We know each others facebook logins, emails, passwords, etc.

He never had a relationship that last more than a month prior to our relationship. The only encounters with women he had prior to ours were drunken nights (according to him). His family really isn't into relationships, both of his older brothers have never had girlfriends and quite honestly I'm not sure if they have sex... ever. His best friends are also pretty much just drunks, his 5 best friends are in their upper 20's and don't have girlfriends and only have sex when they get sloppy enough to bring some girl home from the bar. :sleeping:

Anyways, our sex life has always been... so-so. I chalked it up to his extreme lack of experience and really not being around people who are in relationships. We've worked on our issues pretty much since the first year. He's not very experimental, he doesn't know many positions, he tells me he doesn't have many fantasies, and he says he doesn't have any fetishes or kinky stuff on his mind. He doesn't have a problem getting a hard on and he doesn't have a problem climaxing. Although he's about an 8 minute man, so I wonder if that bothers him? If we are in one part of the house and move to the other, he sometimes looses his hard on and it takes quite a while to get it back... so maybe he has an erectile dysfunction? We probably have sex no more than once a week, if not once every other week. He doesn't like to initiate and he doesn't seem to care he doesn't have sex. He says he's too tired (he works long hours in construction) or that he doesn't know what to do. When he does try to have foreplay and such it's very awkward, he'll "honk" at my boobs. :rofl: He kind of doesn't know what to do. I've tried to teach him and help him but he "forgets" or improves on things for a week and then after that it's gone. It's very frustrating. I keep thinking to myself, don't all guys want to have sex? Touch breasts? Roll around like crazy? :rofl:

Then about a year ago we were at his family Thanksgiving dinner. His family are alcoholics (sadly) and they were all drunk. Out of no where his mom starts talking about how she's so happy we are together because she thought he was going to turn out gay!! And his brothers start joking that all the "Hawaiian" shirts and glowsticks gave it away. And his mother goes on to say that she's "relieved" he found a woman to love because she was worried. Granted, his family are anti-gay, kind of racist, and a little white trash. :(

As far as the gay thing, he's fairly masculine. He likes baseball and football, he likes to work on things and fix things, he's not a fanatic about cleanliness or fashion. He likes to drink beer, hang out with his buddies, and blow stuff up. IDK pretty normal guy stuff. BUTTTTT :scratchhead: .... He does like to help me pick out decor for the house, he likes to have all colors matching in the house or he goes crazy, I have caught him watching guys and checking guys out, he is very girly in the sense that he's sensitive and very nurturing and emotional. I do catch him singing mariah carey and lady gaga on several occasions.

So for the last year I've been thinking... is it his sex drive? Is he gay? Does he have an "issue" down there? Is it me?

BTW, yes I have talked to him about it and asked him if he's gay. He absolutely denies every time that he's gay. He does admit his sex drive is lower than most and wants to go to a doctor. He also says his lack of experience makes him very nervous sometimes. But to me, after this many years and me being so understanding... It's time to man up about the situation and get things figured out.
 

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BTW, yes I have talked to him about it and asked him if he's gay. He absolutely denies every time that he's gay. He does admit his sex drive is lower than most and wants to go to a doctor. He also says his lack of experience makes him very nervous sometimes. But to me, after this many years and me being so understanding... It's time to man up about the situation and get things figured out.
Take his word for it on the gay thing, nothing else you can do.

Take him up on the doctor visit with an emphasis on testosterone levels and male sex drive.

Then start teaching him.

Get some light porn, switch your positions up, do things you haven`t.
So he doesn`t fantasize, I`ll bet you do, start working on some of those.

Do you talk dirty to him?If not start, tell him what you want when you want it.
Make it sexy.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
That's another thing, he says he's never watched porn! Which I don't know if I can believe that. We don't hide anything from each other (who our past partners were, where we did it, etc etc) so I don't know why he would hide that.

We've recently talked about getting some new outfits and stuff (we haven't done in forever). So I'm hoping he'll open up and point out the stuff he really likes. And I do talk dirty to him, but I could probably do it a little more.

I think at this point one of the frustrating parts is I feel like sex/foreplay is like a job. :scratchhead: We go through the same cycle every few months. I'll bring up the fact that we don't really have sex, he'll say that he's been tired or that he forgot what I taught him. He'll tell me I'm pressuring everything to much and he feels like a robot when he tries to initiate. We will have sex that week and then we won't for a week or two.

But I think I need to take more responsibility because I have a lot more experience then him. I think I baby him too much cause I always say "it's ok baby, do whatever is comfortable. Take your time." But I think I need to be a little more forceful and show him what to do. So I think I really need to realize that too....
 

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But I think I need to take more responsibility because I have a lot more experience then him. I think I baby him too much cause I always say "it's ok baby, do whatever is comfortable. Take your time." But I think I need to be a little more forceful and show him what to do. So I think I really need to realize that too....

:iagree::iagree:

Definitely
 

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wow, I thought I was alone.

I can totally relate here. Both our Dr and marriage councellor asked my husband if he was gay.
Pleeease get this sorted quickly, I've been dealing with this for over 10 yrs and it's taken it's toll on me and the marriage.
Before kids i use to dress up for my hubby and nothing....one time he came home from minor grocery shopping so I figured id surprise him and put on boots and a teddy and greeted him at the door...he asked me to 'HOLD THE POP" :( took his shoes off and said he quickly had to call his MOM! i was devestated.
He had a blood test done last year and all is normal.
I've been picking up on things recently too, we have 2 little boys and he always calls them "handsome" which is totally fine but then a male neighbour or friend will come by and he'll say "Hey handsome" in passing!!! :scratchhead: DOesn't give it another thought! I think it's totally weird but try to pass it off as a slip of the tongue bc he says that to our boys.
I totally get what you are feeling and if it's not sorted hon it will get WORSE....
 

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he sounds a lot more asexual than homosexual if you ask me


yes, encourage the doc appointment and tell him to ask the doc to test testosterone levels as he may have a problem there (big reason for decreased libido in men)
 

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yeah sounds either asexual (low test maybe) or depending on his attachment style has always felt obligated to hide his sexuality or repress his desire to seek sex (especially if he is raised in a socially conservative home).
 
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