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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I know this is just the beginning for me/us. I feel so low today. I have all these thoughts and feelings flooding my mind and to top it off...I tried to express them to him and he just doesn't take it well.
He said I am overwhelming him with all my thoughts/wants. He says he is TRYING his best and that this (making our marriage work again) was going to be a lot harder than he thought. This really upsets me...it makes me feel like he just wants to give up. I don't want him to give up...I want him to fight for this. I want him to want our marriage to work out just as bad as I do.
He says he doesn't want to lose me and that he loves me.
Tomorrow he goes to his first counseling session...I hope it helps. Meanwhile...today is a bad day. I feel horrible. :(
 

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Hang in there and keep your head up. I am in the same boat as you in that my wife wants to leave, but has said she loves me and wants to "work" on our marriage. The problem is that she doesn't want it as badly as I do because she isn't sexually attracted to me anymore.

It doesn't help the pain go away right away, or make my situation any better to be in, but I have found that exercise helps lift my spirits. It is something that is good for me, and the body releases endorphins (happy molecules!) when you workout.

Try to remember that you feel pain because you care. If your husband has stopped caring, there may be nothing you can do, but never stop caring for yourself and your relationships. Karma will reward you if you do everything you can to help yourself and your marriage. Good luck.
 

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I just read your original post, and am sorry to hear you are going through this. The constant obsessive thoughts are totally normal but it does get better as time goes on. Some days are better than others, and I'm sorry this is a bad one for you, but hang in there. I do think everything you're feeling now is part of the healing process.

I'm not sure of your husband's mindset but there can be a lot of feelings of shame and guilt on his part so every time you bring it up, he has those feelings of shame/guilt again. I know this was true for my husband so it was difficult for a while, but he understood why I was asking (to not keep playing the 'what ifs' in my head) and not to punish him or make him feel bad (although it did). After six months, I decided to start the new year by looking forward and at all of the good things in our marriage as a result of us getting to the point of talking about why we were unhappy. I still have my bad days (just went through a 3 day spell of bad thoughts, etc.) and honestly he sees it and asks what's wrong and I couldn't even bring myself to talk about it, so I have a way to go myself in this healing process.

One thing I did do was focus more on myself and being happy...started going to the gym again & decorating the house, bought some new clothes, joined the neighborhood Bunko group, changed my hairstyle. It did help me to feel more in control of my emotions & had the added benefit of my husband telling me he can't believe how good I look, etc. which has a lot to do with self-confidence and how I carry myself now more than anything else I think. In addition to being more in control of my own emotions, I also feel I have more control over our relationship because we are now both actively working to keep it strong.

I'm glad you are both going to counseling. With the major weight loss, I would imagine there are many mixed emotions that go along with that (both physically and mentally) and I hope you are both able to come to terms with that individually.

@BrokenFrag-I'm glad to hear you work out...helps me too!
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 · (Edited)
Hello all, just wanted to tell you all thanks for the words of support. It really helped a lot. I can't really talk to family or friends about this situation and we are seeing a therapist but in the meantime I really need a place to just vent.
My husband saw the therapist and I have to admit I was kinda skeptical that he'd go at all. I can't believe I actually thought he would pretend to go and then not actually go. I dunno if that makes sense. But he did go...and he said it helped. Apparently we need a couple of individual sessions before we have a session together. :eek: I don't know what that means...hope it's not a bad thing but I really feel we are going to recover from this.
Although I am hopeful, I don't want to put my hopes up too high.
I gotta give my husband credit though. He's been more open and willing to talk about our feelings. He sees when I am feeling bad and I know exactly when he is not feeling good also. Today is my birthday and he gave me a funny birthday card with a picture of a smiling monkey (how romantic, huh?) but he wrote the most touching things inside. It made me feel good and of course tear up.
Anyway, the trust issue is still a big one...he understands though. I am really thankful to God that he has been understanding so far. Anyway, one day at a time, right? Thank you all for listening.
 

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e stars

I’m glad things are looking up for you and happy birthday. Counselors work in different ways but most will ask that they meet with each of you individually so that is not a bad sign. They will try to get a handle on each side of the story then work to bring you together. I’m happy that your husband is following through on his commitment for the sessions. Trust is a difficult thing to rebuild in a marriage and frankly he owes you a lot because of his actions. He will need to be the one to open himself up to you so you can become confident in his commitments to you again. My situation is different but I am coming up on one year since the wheels fell off our marriage. But we are still together and parts of the marriage are stronger then they have been in years. We still aren’t where we want to be as a couple but we both feel so much better than we did last spring and summer. Take care and be aware this could take a very long time. See my signature below and take those four words to heed. With time and effort these things can get better. They have in my case. Good luck.
 

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Happy Birthday! :)

I think it's good that you are going separately first. It's sometimes easier to open up, especially when talking about things you are ashamed of or things you are unhappy about within your marriage or some deep-rooted childhood issues, when you are one on one with the counselor. It's important to come to terms with yourself individually prior to working together. Once they know where you both are coming from, it will be easier to help you with your relationship with each other.

It sure sounds like you both want the same result...a strong, happy marriage, and that is a great foundation to start with.
 
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