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I've been married for 11yrs. and have been lonley most of those years. He is always considerate and caring towards our kids, other family members, and friends. When it comes to me however, he can care less. He never wants to touch me or be with me physically. Lately he' s always making sexual comments about other women, and watching porn. As far as our sex life goes, there is'nt one, and has'nt been for months now. No matter how hard I try to get some sort of romance back into the relationship, it fails. He says it's because I never initiate sex, but I'm the one who is always trying to plan romantic nights alone. Just the other night, he admitted to fantasizing about other people, including guys. I feel so worthless around him. The only place I feel attractive, and wanted is work. I have been approached several times by other men who want to date me, and tell me how pretty and nice I am. I know it's wrong for me to listen to them, but lately I enjoy the flirtations. It makes me feel desirable, and attractive. I don't want to feel this way, but I can't help it. Is there any advice for me? Thanx for listening, Sunshine62
 

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after 11 yrs your husband is probably bored.. and if he is watching porn than a romanticnight out is not what turns him on.. get on his level.. he may be feeling "older' and not up to his "old self".. get him back to his old self.. flirt with im.. men are turned on by physical woman emotional..my husband and I have a wonderfull sex life, and he is 14 yrs older than me..you need to spice things up on his level.. candle lit dinners and a glass of wine are not going to cut it, maybe he feels he cant satisfy you anymore and may be embarrased by that.. alot woman think sex should be normal and routine, alot of woman realy want to let the kinky wilder side we all have out but are afraid to.. i dont know how old you are but guessing you have been married 11 yrs you are prob. in your late 30's early 40's.. honey let it out, turn on your diva mode and turn him on.. if he likes porn watch it with him, I would be very ticked off if my husband watched it alone, but I would watch it with him no problem.. cell phones are a great way to start a new fire.. my husband and i text dirty notes to each other often, out of the blue,.. text him a little dirty note when he is at work.. if your phone has a camera on it.. take a little picture of yourself, be creative, send it on his phone while he is gone..if he likes porn set up the camera and make your own porn..get some slinky little nighties and wear for him out of the blue..it will be a little uncomfortable at first to be so open, but you will get use to it and it will turn you on too.. get that old fire back.. get the boredom out of your love life and get creative..my husband jut has to look at me and he is ready.. while we are working in the yard, I will call his name and when he looks over i give him a quick flash.. little things like that will go a long way, have fun, romance is out, boredome took over, now you need to get his attention back.. believe me you will have fun with it too, dont be shy, this is your husband, he has seen every inch of you, and loves every inch.. i am not the most self confident woman when it comes to my looks, but I know what I have turns him on, .. all woman have the DIVA in them.. most are afraid to let it out, but you are realy holding back on yourself also, not just your husband.. get on his physical level, woman are emotional, men are physical.. get to his level and you will in turn get the emotion you are looking for from him, you will notice a big difference in his all around every day attitude.. like I said, my husband and i have a very active sex life and we dont just leave it in the bedroom.. experiment,, have fun, if he tells you his fantasies, tell him yours, they are just fantasies, no need to act on them if they are way out of wack, but it will turn him on knowing you want to know.. be open and be honest.. surprise him,
 

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If your husband is fantasizing about men also, but not fantasizing about you-it's time to call it quits. Do you really want to compete with men? Not saying that he'll go there, but just the thought that he'd rather dream of a man than you would be enough to throw in the cards. If other people flirt with you, it's not you- it's him!
Divorce time. Sounds like he loves the home life, but not his wife.
 

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Reading your post makes me sad. Recently Ifound out my husband had an affair and all of our problems with trying to fix whats been damaged has put a real strain on our sex life. I constantly want to have sex because it makes me feel wanted and desired but his sex drive is non existent due to the problems we are having. I know how you feel, I also get lots of attention from others and its just not the same when there is only person you really want it from. there is a website www.settingcaptivesfree.com, I have been doing the course online after my husbands infidelity but it is also for women whos husbands have issues with porn and things like that. It has really helped and is insightful.
 

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Crazyanimallady,
If your post didn't help Sunshine62, it sure re-affirmed what I've been working on teaching myself! I needed that! My hubby doesn't have porn issues or anything, but I have had trouble (due to my past, NOT my husband's fault!) 'letting go' in the bedroom area. Thank you for your honesty and openness!

Sunshine,
Sweetie, I'm SO sorry you're feeling so alone! There's gotta be something that started the way he's been acting. I'm certainly not saying it has anything at all to do with you! Don't get me wrong there! Any ideas what it may be?? Always helps to have a corner-stone to work from!
All the best!
 

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That sounds really difficult! Unfortunately, I've seen a lot of couples where one of them feels totally "alone" in the relationship. When there are problems with intimacy, they can build over time and start to come out in all sorts of ways - including for some, porn addictions and infidelity. Has there ever been a time when didn't feel alone in the marriage? Do you remember when you met, what the early time was like? I often find that if struggling couples can remember a time in their relationship when theY had what is now missing, that can be a point to rebuild on. However, both parties need to be interested and willing to work on it. If your husband has been "checked out" for a long time and it looks like he's not interested in checking in, it might be time for you to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF and consider leaving the relationship. Remeber - you DESERVE to have a loving, supportive and connected relationship. Good luck!
 

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there is no harm in finding someone else.....especially when your husband does not care for you
I feel this comment is so wrong. I'm not saying this women doesn't deserve to be happy, she does, but to say there is no harm. Now if she left him and then found someone fine, but when you're in a relationship, you either try to fix it or move on and nothing else.
 
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