My wife and I have been together 23 years and married for 17. Over that time we have had a very solid relationship. Other than the occasional fight we have pretty much had smooth sailing. The only area we have had any kind of issue with over the last few years was a dimishing sex life which my wife blamed me for although I always felt it was kind of a mutually shared issue. Even that, however, was only brought up maybe every year or two and then we would move on. We have no kids.
Well I caught her cheating a couple of months ago with a guy she dated when she was 17 who she recently reconnected with on Facebook. I knew within a couple of weeks of the affair something was up and it took a few more weeks to flesh out all of the details. They have now been running around for 3 months. I confronted her and told her I knew in the most compassionate nonthreatening way possible about 5 weeks ago. I told her I knew most of the details of their relationship, including that they were having sex and that they had supposedly fallen "in love".
She apologized for her actions and told me she wasn't proud of herself but basically blamed me for forcing her to behave in this manner. She said she still loved me as well, however, and didn't know what she wanted to do. I told her I didn't expect a decision immediately but that she could take some time to figure things out since I wanted her to make the right decision.
It has now been 5 weeks and she is talking, texting this guy every day and spending most weekends with him. I am left sitting at home waiting for her decision which she still says she hasn't made.
Her best friend, with whom she confides almost everything and who knows all about this, says she thinks my wife has lost her mind and is having some kind of mid life crisis or is literally having some kind of mental issue. The boyfriend is broke, has kids with his ex he can hardly support, is working part time, isn't anything to look at, etc.. My wifes friend is convinced the relationship is based around sex and will not last because they have nothing else in common other than the relationship of their youth. My wife is an intelligent, educated, professional and this guy is a "dumbass" (my wifes words) who has never held down a job and, in his mid 40s, hasn't got a penny to his name. My wife even confided to her friend that she knew that if anything ever happened to her health wise that I would stand by her but that she knew the boyfriend wouldn't.
I have since found out that this guy has contacted her numerous times over the years and that she had always rebuffed him but this time she decided to start things back up. Pretty much like he has been stalking her and waiting for a chance to get his foot in the door with our marriage. Some of the smoke he is blowing to my wife should be seen through by the typical school girl but she is eating it all up right now, according to her friend. Her friend also says the fact we lead a very comfortable lifestyle which she would be giving up to be with this guy is the one thing my wife always talks about. I don't want my wife to stay with me for what I can provide so that makes me feel bad for other reasons.
My wife is still living in our home and we still have a cordial relationship when she is with me. She is still telling me, and her friend, she loves me and doesn't know what to do. I am miserable and feel like a doormat to some degree but I also feel a responsibility for her well being and if this guy is out to hurt or take advantage of her I want to be in the picture as much as possible in case I am needed. She has mentioned moving out and getting her own place, and I have told her that is her decision to make.
My question is "Am I insane" as well as "What should I do going forward"? I think I have been very reasonable up to now and while it really isn't doing me any good from the perspective of their relationship cooling at least I am still in the picture and getting to spend some quality time with my wife whom I am legitimately worried may be having some kind of mental issue or other problem.
Can somebody please give me some feedback? I have told nobody about this for obvious reasons and I am going crazy trying to figure out the appropriate course. Thank you so much for reading all of this.
Well I caught her cheating a couple of months ago with a guy she dated when she was 17 who she recently reconnected with on Facebook. I knew within a couple of weeks of the affair something was up and it took a few more weeks to flesh out all of the details. They have now been running around for 3 months. I confronted her and told her I knew in the most compassionate nonthreatening way possible about 5 weeks ago. I told her I knew most of the details of their relationship, including that they were having sex and that they had supposedly fallen "in love".
She apologized for her actions and told me she wasn't proud of herself but basically blamed me for forcing her to behave in this manner. She said she still loved me as well, however, and didn't know what she wanted to do. I told her I didn't expect a decision immediately but that she could take some time to figure things out since I wanted her to make the right decision.
It has now been 5 weeks and she is talking, texting this guy every day and spending most weekends with him. I am left sitting at home waiting for her decision which she still says she hasn't made.
Her best friend, with whom she confides almost everything and who knows all about this, says she thinks my wife has lost her mind and is having some kind of mid life crisis or is literally having some kind of mental issue. The boyfriend is broke, has kids with his ex he can hardly support, is working part time, isn't anything to look at, etc.. My wifes friend is convinced the relationship is based around sex and will not last because they have nothing else in common other than the relationship of their youth. My wife is an intelligent, educated, professional and this guy is a "dumbass" (my wifes words) who has never held down a job and, in his mid 40s, hasn't got a penny to his name. My wife even confided to her friend that she knew that if anything ever happened to her health wise that I would stand by her but that she knew the boyfriend wouldn't.
I have since found out that this guy has contacted her numerous times over the years and that she had always rebuffed him but this time she decided to start things back up. Pretty much like he has been stalking her and waiting for a chance to get his foot in the door with our marriage. Some of the smoke he is blowing to my wife should be seen through by the typical school girl but she is eating it all up right now, according to her friend. Her friend also says the fact we lead a very comfortable lifestyle which she would be giving up to be with this guy is the one thing my wife always talks about. I don't want my wife to stay with me for what I can provide so that makes me feel bad for other reasons.
My wife is still living in our home and we still have a cordial relationship when she is with me. She is still telling me, and her friend, she loves me and doesn't know what to do. I am miserable and feel like a doormat to some degree but I also feel a responsibility for her well being and if this guy is out to hurt or take advantage of her I want to be in the picture as much as possible in case I am needed. She has mentioned moving out and getting her own place, and I have told her that is her decision to make.
My question is "Am I insane" as well as "What should I do going forward"? I think I have been very reasonable up to now and while it really isn't doing me any good from the perspective of their relationship cooling at least I am still in the picture and getting to spend some quality time with my wife whom I am legitimately worried may be having some kind of mental issue or other problem.
Can somebody please give me some feedback? I have told nobody about this for obvious reasons and I am going crazy trying to figure out the appropriate course. Thank you so much for reading all of this.