[chucky0118]

ok so not too long ago my wife and I went through some rough times.... I have done my "dirty deeds" and so has she, all before the marriage... We are both young (me being 24 her 22) and recently moved to the city from small town country living.... I worked out of town a lot, which put a huge wedge between us.. She thinks that spending time at the lake, and fishing with single men is ok... I give her my opinion and ask, "how would you feel if it were me." The response.."I wouldn't mind!!!" Which both she and I know is a load of bull. This strikes suspicious thoughts and jealousy into my head, which I try and talk to her about but I am just being "stupid" After a while She begs me to come home and find a new job, and I do. Just to be told when I get home, that nothing big but something has happened in my absence. She tells me She doesn't feel she is "in Love" with me. And this CRUSHES ME.. but I never gave up, and We have both decided work "US" and forget the past... But now she is at it again texting single men... one just happens to be her boss... Keep in mind I am not supposed to look through her phone, "that is her only privacy" but when I do the texts between her and these men have been deleted.. Not the ones from her family or girlfriends just these in particular.... When I bring it up to her I am just being jealous and have nothing to worry about... "She is here with me, and married me not them" when I ask "why do you just delete the messages from these guys and not from anyone else" the response is "I don't just delete the ones from them, my memory gets full and have to free up something." Like that makes any sense. I know that she has had conversation with these men cuz when you click send new message and start to insert a number or name, it shows the names and numbers of the most recent texts... I don't know what to think or do anymore... I want to believe her, I want to be with this woman. I love this woman.. Am I just being foolish, or am I being played for a fool..

 

[alte Dame]

You're being played in some way, even if she isn't actually doing anything physical with someone else (and you don't know that). What she's doing is not OK for a marriage. It clearly crosses boundaries. You have every right to expect her to stop & to see her messages. This is not an issue of privacy. This is an issue of using the excuse of privacy to cover up inappropriate behavior on her part. You shouldn't allow her to make you defensive in this.

 

[chucky0118]

You're being played in some way, even if she isn't actually doing anything physical with someone else (and you don't know that). What she's doing is not OK for a marriage. It clearly crosses boundaries. You have every right to expect her to stop & to see her messages. This is not an issue of privacy. This is an issue of using the excuse of privacy to cover up inappropriate behavior on her part. You shouldn't allow her to make you defensive in this.

Soooo... This being said, what should I do going forward?? I have discussed the fact that "we are one now" and that she has an open invite to my phone all my messages, my Social networking sites, and every aspect of life that I do on my own. That I have nothing to hide. but does nothing for changing her mind.

 

[costa200]

"that is her only privacy"

Why would she need this type of "privacy"? Privacy is only required when there is something you don't want a certain person to know about the communication.

"She is here with me, and married me not them"

Yes, she can be banging half the town and she is still your wife. Only that is tragic, not something good. But that whole sentence smacks me like "you are lucky to have me as wife" in a bad way. Which is somewhat revealing of her lack of respect for you.

She thinks that spending time at the lake, and fishing with single men is ok.

She knows it isn't. This is a sh!t test. And you're failing it. She needs to hear from you that this behavior will not be tolerated. No ifs and buts. If she puts these activities "in the open" above the marriage you know what is what.

 

[chucky0118]

She knows it isn't. This is a sh!t test. And you're failing it. She needs to hear from you that this behavior will not be tolerated. No ifs and buts. If she puts these activities "in the open" above the marriage you know what is what.

ok I have told her this.. I have "put my foot down" but honestly I think I am more scared of the consequences than she is... ok now I sound like a total douche... I think I get it now... If she isn't prepared and willing to fight for it... Then it may be just a waist of my time...

 

[the guy]

Were is she meeting these guys and getting their number?

You have every right to be pissed and I would ask her to leave, and tell her you will no longer share your wife.

But your to afraid she will take you up on it. Hell if you do get the nerv to tell her to leave, make sure you follow up with informing that walking out that door will be considered abandommnet and will take the apropreiate actions to protect your self.

I sucks when they have the upperhand and know we aren't going anywere so they continue to use us like doormats.

I also don't get why she wanted you home buy yet shares her life with other men? You may as well go back to out of town work.



I think she got addicted to this kind of behavior when you were gone and now has a hard time letting go of all the attension she is getting from these guys trying ot ge into he pants.

Again, its actions that speak louder then words so if you have to ask her to leave and start packing her crap up...well at least that will show her how confident you are in letting her go.

 

[The Middleman]

but honestly I think I am more scared of the consequences than she is... ok now I sound like a total douche.

If this is the case, you are doomed. You need to be prepared to live your life as a cuckold. If anything is worth fighting for you need to be prepared to take your losses. As I see it, you tell her this sh1t ends now or you are leaving (and be prepared to do so). If you pay for the cell phones or it's in you name, discontinue the services. Discontinue the Internet services. When she goes out, go with her regardless of what she says. Stop her from behaving badly or make it difficult for her to meet her male friends.

I'm willing to bet that she has already had a physical relationship with one or more men. Sorry but that's the indications from your posting. If you don't have any children, don't get her pregnant. That would be the biggest mistake of your life. She's not committed to you and she is having fun with others, you should consider just moving on.

 

[the guy]

What worked for me when I was getting labeles like controling , jealous, and insecure...I simply asked my wife if she want to stay married, and when she said yes then I explained to her that I was not going to control her but I will not tolorate this unhealthy behavior that threatens the marriage and if she excepts the protection you have to offer then she will be able to keep her marriage.

You gotta tell her your boundries and what the consequences are for when these boundries are crossed.

She needs to know that you are a young man that wants respect and a healthy marriage, and she is not making the attempts to affair proof her marriage by allowing this behavior to continue. So if she wants to continue acting single you have now problem granting her wish.

 

[chucky0118]

If you don't have any children, don't get her pregnant. That would be the biggest mistake of your life. She's not committed to you and she is having fun with others, you should consider just moving on.

That is the problem we do have a gorgeous little woman in the picture.... I come from a family where my parents divorced when I was 4 yrs old... And all I ever heard from either parent is how bad the other was.. It wasn't till I grew up and started my own life that they could admit their own faults... I don't want my family to be that way.... I don't want to admit defeat in this area... I don't want my almost 2 yr old daughter to look at me ten yrs from now and wonder why, was it her fault, and what she can do to make mommy and daddy love each other again.... I do love my wife very much so.. but that isn't what makes it so hard to give up and move on....

 

[The Middleman]

I came from a broken home too, so I understand what you are saying. So, I ask, what are you going to do about it. Are you going to be passive, allow her to do what she wants and live the next 20 years with a wife who told you she doesn't love you, who is partying and sleeping with other men and bring their filth home within her? You will loose all self respect and be a shadow of who you are now.

Or you can dig in your heals and be a son of a b1tch to her until she stops her bad behavior. Expose her bosses behavior to everyone, expose her behavior to frends and extended family and c0ckblock her at every turn. If you want her, you are going to have to fight for her.

 

[chucky0118]

You know what Middleman, your right..... thanx Lets see if this works....

 

[The Middleman]

Chucky0118:

Any updates?