Talk About Marriage banner

81 - 83 of 83 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,737 Posts
Why do you think he will be available to his children after the divorce? He already has a child who he ignores, as if that child doesn't exist. Once these children no longer live with him, they will never see him either, so their relationship with him will be even less than it already is.

I think it's important to recognize this going forward in order to prepare for what the future holds. You (op) have already been raising the children alone. It may improve when you don't have his chores to do as well as your own, but you won't get any help with the children from him.
I forgot about his other child. I don't remember if he or the OP insisted in the older child coming over until he/she began to make threats against their younger children.

He might very well not pursue a 50/50 custody plan, however if he does, he will have to spend some time with them on his days.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
7,482 Posts
Thanks for this reply. I appreciate your "hearing" me. Ultimately, I would love for the divorce papers to be a successful wake up call and testament to my seriousness in desiring change. With my baby coming in 6 weeks, I had wanted to delay everything while I navigate the first few months of newborn haze again, but I don't necessarily have to wait. My concern in serving divorce papers as a wake up call is that he may make the changes necessary for now. But what happens when, a few years down the road, he reverts back to his workaholism? I guess then I actually divorce him? I've been waiting for him to want to change, to want to be with us more, to want to lead our family in the life we talked about from the start. That's obviously not happening. But if he "changes" to avoid a divorce, it's only a matter of time before he reverts back, and then to threaten a divorce again feels less weighty and serious to me. And I don't believe divorce should be tossed around lightly ever. I'm so skeptical because he always just tells people what they want to hear. I believe that scenario would be no different. But I guess maybe that is more of a proper protocol to follow: papers served -> change made -> time passes -> old behaviors surface -> papers served -> actual divorce? Is that a better route?
It is possible that this could happen, but most people do not change until it becomes more difficult to stay with the status quo than to make changes. If he recognizes that it's not working for him anymore, he may actually make a permanent change. This is probably the only thing that might bring about change in him, but of course there are no guarantees. If you think this might be a possibility that he would have the wake up call that he needs, it may be in your best interests as well as the children to give him that chance. You can still retain an attorney and file, but back off if he asks for another chance.

From what you have written, you have tried to get him more involved, but he has not responded favorably. If he did respond favorably to you actually filing for divorce, it could be a whole new world for all of you, but I would highly recommend you find a competent counselor who can help keep the marriage on track if that happens. This could especially good if he becomes and involved parents. It would take stress off of you and give the children another parent they can rely on and build a relationship with. It may be worth a try, if (big if) he actually cares about his family at all, but you would need some guidelines in order to keep on the right track and make sure that his behaviors, not only about workaholicism, but also about how he speaks to you and treats you, become acceptable and he learns how to be a loving, involved husband and father. He can learn, but he would have to have guidance and put in the effort.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,560 Posts
@Casual Observer you have hit a new low. Frankly this is an inane argument. Sane parents don't stop loving their kids just because they may not like the other generic donor.

As a Moderator..... Stop with the attacks of the OP. Last warning.
My apologies. Didn't realize earlier warning was directed at me. Thank you for the warning.
 
81 - 83 of 83 Posts
Top