planning or lack of

1330 Views 9 Replies 9 Participants Last post by Caribbean Man, Nov 14, 2012

nathaniel2518

Discussion Starter · Oct 31, 2012

i've read a lot of the advice for improving a marriage on these forums and when i try them they work. things like planning a night out, being decisive or cooking a special meal. the problem i find is that i need to find time to sit down and plan and often something will come up at work or at home and i'll put it off or put myself off thinking it is too lame. my brain seems to self sabotage, not try and i'm not sure why. its crazy.

we just had a big fight so i've got a few days of silence to plan but i need someway of getting it in to my stupid brain that if i don't try i'll lose and possibly lose my family just for being lazy. it's bizarre. explanation or help would be good.

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LastUnicorn

· #2 · Oct 31, 2012

I read somewhere on here someone said 'if it is important to you, you'll find a way. If not, an excuse'. I really wish I could remember who posted it, it really helped me get through to my husband on areas where he was just not doing anything in an important area that needed his active participation.

Maybe it will help you to filter things through that funnel. Stop finding excuses. It shows up plainly when someone has time, energy and interest for some things, yet no drive at all in others that are on the top of a SO's list, or that will help feed the relationship. It says 'you aren't valued enough for these things to be a priority to me'.

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TCSRedhead

· #3 · Oct 31, 2012

If you can't find time, it's not a priority for you. Honestly, how much time does it really take to come up with a plan for a night out?

Why is everything else so much more important?

That said, I know my days at work are insane and packed with meetings. If I have something personal I need to do, I literally put it on my Outlook calendar and block off 15 - 30 minutes to do it.

A night out doesn't have to be terribly complicated. I love it when my hubby has taken the time to come up with an idea, especially when I can tell he's given thought to something I'd really enjoy.

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Pinkme

· #4 · Nov 1, 2012

Planning doesnt have to be time consuming. If its something you really want it does come easy and fall into place.

If this is something you truly want you will take the few minutes to plan a nice evening. Follow your heart and everything will fall into place. You dont want to have any stress during your evening so dont make it more difficult then it needs to be.

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EnjoliWoman

· #5 · Nov 1, 2012

Most restaurants don't require reservations and you can often sit at a bar and have a drink first. Look up the movie schedule on-line - takes less than 5 minutes to do. Most grocery stores have pre-made food. Pick up sandwiches, etc. for a picnic.

I've found I either have time or money but usually not both at the same time.

So based on what you have, do it.

Maybe you should spend 5 minutes picturing the devastation a divorce would cause, what holidays would be like without her (most women do the meals, purchase gifts, plan social calendar...), what dinnertime alone is like. What trading kids off on a weekly basis would feel like - picture her meeting you with another man in her car.

Go read some posts from walkaway wives. See how hurt and deserted they felt before they took the plunge and/or how stupid the men feel that they didn't make the woman they love a priority.

This site frustrates me and amazes me when I see what could be an otherwise happy couple - that average daily contentment is all I ever wanted and all I still want. And so many of you take it for granted; it makes me want to SHAKE you.

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notperfectanymore

· #6 · Nov 1, 2012

EnjoliWoman said:
Most restaurants don't require reservations and you can often sit at a bar and have a drink first. Look up the movie schedule on-line - takes less than 5 minutes to do. Most grocery stores have pre-made food. Pick up sandwiches, etc. for a picnic.

I've found I either have time or money but usually not both at the same time. So based on what you have, do it.

Maybe you should spend 5 minutes picturing the devastation a divorce would cause, what holidays would be like without her (most women do the meals, purchase gifts, plan social calendar...), what dinnertime alone is like. What trading kids off on a weekly basis would feel like - picture her meeting you with another man in her car.

Go read some posts from walkaway wives. See how hurt and deserted they felt before they took the plunge and/or how stupid the men feel that they didn't make the woman they love a priority.

This site frustrates me and amazes me when I see what could be an otherwise happy couple - that average daily contentment is all I ever wanted and all I still want. And so many of you take it for granted; it makes me want to SHAKE you.

THIS!!!!!!

Wish I could get this thru my hubs head...but if he doesn't truly care....or thinks he doesn't have too...and admits to being "too comfortable"..what are us women supposed to do? Besides walk away?

Frustrating is an understatement.....

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TCSRedhead

· #7 · Nov 2, 2012

notperfectanymore said:
THIS!!!!!!

Wish I could get this thru my hubs head...but if he doesn't truly care....or thinks he doesn't have too...and admits to being "too comfortable"..what are us women supposed to do? Besides walk away?

Frustrating is an understatement.....

I had that choice in front of me - I would have put it that clearly without mincing words or sugar coating. If I had, and then followed through with filing divorce, we would have would up in marriage counseling instead of me having an emotional affair.

It's called 'Communication', being clear and explicit.

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Saki

· #8 · Nov 14, 2012

I've noticed a number of people posting on this forum with problems need to go learn about deficit thinking versus abundance thinking, or the law of attaction.

Next time, sit down and think "oh wow this is going to be a really fun evening that I'm planning" and watch how easily you plan it and how the night works out even better than you thought.

Let go and watch the world amaze you!

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AFEH

· #9 · Nov 14, 2012

Then don't plan!

Just do it.

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Caribbean Man

· #10 · Nov 14, 2012

AFEH said:
Then don't plan!

Just do it.

^^^^^^
THIS works well fro me .
Whenever I plan both of us gets disappointed.
spontaneity works well for me.
And my wife is always willing.

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