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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My other thread talks about not having had sex with my wife in almost eighteen months. Afte asking and being turned down that many times, I know she doesn't want it. Doesn't have any actual desire. So, at this point, even if she decided to "give it up" I wouldn't want it. All it would be is "duty bootie" or, worse, "pity p*ssy." I don't see my sexual desires as being the object of pity, not should making love happen because of duty.

In short, I want to be wanted, and if that's not the case i don't want some fake bull****.

How do the rest if you feel? Do you see sex that happens out of duty as less than real? What about the infamous "pity f*ck"?
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I personally would rather go without.
 

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If she doesn't want you....
Have you ever considered that it's you?

I mean that seriously,

I'm attracted to my husband and desire sex with him because he is attractive to me emotionally, physically, financially and sexually.

Can you say the same things about your self?

Have you gained significant weight, let yourself go, doing unwell financialy, are you sexually satisfying?
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Couldn't agree more. Work on you first & make sure you are where you need to be physically, emotionally & mentally. Don't be a jerk, but don't cater to her either. Then if she doesn't come around, get the F out.
 

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I wouldn't want it. All it would be is "duty bootie" or, worse, "pity p*ssy." I don't see my sexual desires as being the object of pity, not should making love happen because of duty.

In short, I want to be wanted, and if that's not the case i don't want some fake bull****.

How do the rest if you feel? Do you see sex that happens out of duty as less than real? What about the infamous "pity f*ck"?
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Fortunately for me, that happens rarely, but it does happen and I feel like you do about it.

I've been married 18 years and my wife sounds different than yours, so take this advice with a grain of salt. I tell her when she makes me feel like that and then she gives me a reason (depressed, tired from work, not feeling sexy, woman issue, etc). All valid reasons. I'm honest about how I feel and as she was and the next time she makes up for it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
If she doesn't want you....
Have you ever considered that it's you?

I mean that seriously,

I'm attracted to my husband and desire sex with him because he is attractive to me emotionally, physically, financially and sexually.

Can you say the same things about your self?

Have you gained significant weight, let yourself go, doing unwell financialy, are you sexually satisfying?
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Well...we've both put on more weight than we should. Four kids, etc. as for satisfying, hmmm, try a seven to one ratio, her O to mine.
Financially? What is this, whoring or marriage? You have a drop in money so no sex? That's really lovely. So how about I just go hire a prostitute to blow me?
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Well...we've both put on more weight than we should. Four kids, etc. as for satisfying, hmmm, try a seven to one ratio, her O to mine.
Financially? What is this, whoring or marriage? You have a drop in money so no sex? That's really lovely. So how about I just go hire a prostitute to blow me?
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That's not what she's implying.

A woman is attracted to many aspects of a man.
Physical
Emotional
Security

Money would fall under security.

Miss any of these targets and she's going to lose a degree of interest depending on what is most important to her.

Have a look at this site...

Married Man Sex Life | How to have the marriage you thought you were going to have. By which I mean doing it like rabbits.

Download the book, it's cheap and full of info that could and probably will help you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
A degree of interest lost would amount to less frequency, not a full stop.

As for money not being money, but security...sorry that's BS. It's money. If less money means less sex then we're talking polite prostitution.

But, hey, equal rights and all that...she has a career, as do I. Hers is doing better than mine. If he thinks that means the end of sex, hey, she can go f00k a doctor or a richer lawyer than me.

Richer poorer my A$$...
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A degree of interest lost would amount to less frequency, not a full stop.

As for money not being money, but security...sorry that's BS. It's money. If less money means less sex then we're talking polite prostitution.

But, hey, equal rights and all that...she has a career, as do I. Hers is doing better than mine. If he thinks that means the end of sex, hey, she can go f00k a doctor or a richer lawyer than me.

Richer poorer my A$$...
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Go read the site I posted.

You'll understand then.

There are biological imperatives involved in any relationship.
This is one of them.
 
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Well...we've both put on more weight than we should. Four kids, etc. as for satisfying, hmmm, try a seven to one ratio, her O to mine.
Financially? What is this, whoring or marriage? You have a drop in money so no sex? That's really lovely. So how about I just go hire a prostitute to blow me?
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Is this the type of attitude you have around her?

Have you ever just flat out asked her why she is no longer interested in sex?
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Biological imperatives are all fine and good, but here's the thing: we've built up this civilization thing to overcome and improve upon mere biology. Marriage itself is not biologically ingrained. The basic nature mo male thinking would be to have sex with as many women as possible. Marriage runs counter to that. And we have to actively decide to act beyond our biology. The need for security isn't invalid, but what you do in response to that need...marriage is about daily choices. You either make the choices that are conducive to ongoing marriage, or you don't. You can have valid reasons, legit complaints, but acting like you're not married is a great way to not be married.

Glad to know it's me, though. Solves it all...
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Biological imperatives are all fine and good, but here's the thing: we've built up this civilization thing to overcome and improve upon mere biology. Marriage itself is not biologically ingrained. The basic nature mo male thinking would be to have sex with as many women as possible. Marriage runs counter to that. And we have to actively decide to act beyond our biology. The need for security isn't invalid, but what you do in response to that need...marriage is about daily choices. You either make the choices that are conducive to ongoing marriage, or you don't. You can have valid reasons, legit complaints, but acting like you're not married is a great way to not be married.

Glad to know it's me, though. Solves it all...
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The bio response to a financial situation isn't even a conscious thought.
It's a sub-concious reaction that a human can't help whatsoever and may not even be aware they are having a reaction to it.
They may not know WTF is going on with them any more than you do.

We have built up ethics and civilization to thrive even when our biology would harm us as a society BUT those civilized ethics don't replace those bio influences they just control them.



Read the link I posted...
 

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Well Ive had pity/duty sex on a number of occasions with my wife and I always enjoyed it.That is,while we were actually having the sex....It's afterwards that I feel like an idiot.I've had "pity sex with my wife where we're both laying in the bed,she's reading a book,I bring up sex and she just takes off her panties,and I just get on top and go.All she does is just lay there expressionless,not saying anything.Again I always enjoy it,but feel stupid after the sex is over.
 

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Well...we've both put on more weight than we should. Four kids, etc. as for satisfying, hmmm, try a seven to one ratio, her O to mine.
Financially? What is this, whoring or marriage? You have a drop in money so no sex? That's really lovely. So how about I just go hire a prostitute to blow me?
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So, you've gained weight, and though she may have also gained weight, your weight gain is probably not very appealing to her.

That's fair.

I imagine you don't suddenly have a thing for chunky chicks even though you're a bigger guy.

Losing weight would be a fantastic idea, and most women find men who workout regularly to be especially attractive.

About the 7 orgasms to yours.... I don't want to say she may be exaggerating for your benefit but i will say it would be a good idea for you to do some reading on being sexually satisfying anyway.
We can always learn something new.
And lets suppose she is indeed orgasming 7 times, she can give those orgasms to herself, anytime. What makes you a satisfying lover is doing those things she can't do herself, and doing them very well.

You're highly reactive about the financial aspect... i can assume that to mean you're not doing very well?
That's ok.
Plenty of people aren't these days.
But if your wife feels that she has to financially support you, it may very well be turning her off.
A drop in money doesn't have to mean a drop in sex, but it may mean a drop in attraction and a rise in stress, neither of those things are conducive for a happy sex life.

You could go get a prostitute, though I'd imagine it would feel pretty emasculating to know that this woman wouldn't even look at you if you weren't paying her. And that she probably wants to throw up.

Seems to me that it would be much more satisfying to become an attractive guy that your wife wants to sleep with.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Make myself attractive and she does nothing in return...yep. Marriage in a nutshell. I'm going to lose the weight, but not for her. I am supposed to be good enough as I am. If I'm not, and I go out and improve myself, why should I stay in the same situation that isn't improving on the other side? Why would I stay where I've already been fundamentally judged wanting? Oh, please, let me beg and grovel and feel even lower just on the off chance you might stop playing f00king head games and act married?

I don't doubt it's me, largely if not entirely. That being the case, I am who and what I am. If that's not good enough, that's fine. Who am I to say? I must judge myself in better light than she does, or die.

Granted, if I judged her as fat and thus unf00kable, I'd be a heel and an ass. If I get judged physically that's no problem. If I left her for being a teacher who is chronically underpaid, I'd be a selfish pr1ck. Her doing the same is just biology.
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Tulane,

It's been 18 months. Why haven't you demanded an answer from her as to what happened.

If your love life fell off a cliff, she might have begun an affair back then.

Have you completely ruled out an affair?

Why are you being so combative with other posters? They aren't the ones asking you to be incel (involuntarily celibate).

I will say this, an angry, chubby not very successful husband is not going to have a good sex life. Fair or not, that is the reality of it. And calling women prostitutes is ugly, childish and reason number four (interpersonal skills) you are celibate.




Biological imperatives are all fine and good, but here's the thing: we've built up this civilization thing to overcome and improve upon mere biology. Marriage itself is not biologically ingrained. The basic nature mo male thinking would be to have sex with as many women as possible. Marriage runs counter to that. And we have to actively decide to act beyond our biology. The need for security isn't invalid, but what you do in response to that need...marriage is about daily choices. You either make the choices that are conducive to ongoing marriage, or you don't. You can have valid reasons, legit complaints, but acting like you're not married is a great way to not be married.

Glad to know it's me, though. Solves it all...
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Biological imperatives are all fine and good, but here's the thing: we've built up this civilization thing to overcome and improve upon mere biology. Marriage itself is not biologically ingrained. The basic nature mo male thinking would be to have sex with as many women as possible. Marriage runs counter to that. And we have to actively decide to act beyond our biology. The need for security isn't invalid, but what you do in response to that need...marriage is about daily choices. You either make the choices that are conducive to ongoing marriage, or you don't. You can have valid reasons, legit complaints, but acting like you're not married is a great way to not be married.

Glad to know it's me, though. Solves it all...
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This post is very contrary to your first one.

If your goal is just to have your wife making choices that are conducive to marriage, like having sex with you, it sounds like she would be willing to give you all the duty sex you want so your problem is solved.

If your goal is to have your wife desiring, thinking, dreaming of peeling out of her soaked panties for you, you should be the type of person that she would feel that way about.

But a vibe i am picking up is, why should i have to change? She's the one being a meany weeny...

You can get a lot of support for that train of thought from many of the super alpha males here, but i really don't see how that's constructive in getting the sex life you want.

There are two of you in your sex life, it's not all her fault and it's not all yours, but if you can do something to improve it, why wouldn't you?
 

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Make myself attractive and she does nothing in return...yep. Marriage in a nutshell. I'm going to lose the weight, but not for her. I am supposed to be good enough as I am. If I'm not, and I go out and improve myself, why should I stay in the same situation that isn't improving on the other side? Why would I stay where I've already been fundamentally judged wanting? Oh, please, let me beg and grovel and feel even lower just on the off chance you might stop playing f00king head games and act married?

I don't doubt it's me, largely if not entirely. That being the case, I am who and what I am. If that's not good enough, that's fine. Who am I to say? I must judge myself in better light than she does, or die.

Granted, if I judged her as fat and thus unf00kable, I'd be a heel and an ass. If I get judged physically that's no problem. If I left her for being a teacher who is chronically underpaid, I'd be a selfish pr1ck. Her doing the same is just biology.
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Dude,

You ned to take a step back from this a bit.
trust me I understand why it's infuriating, I truly do but you have to have some faith here.

Read the link, download the book it's the best $9 you'll ever spend.

The way it works (and I've done it myself quite successfully) is that you start improving yourself and not giving a damn what she's doing.

When your efforts start to show she gets a little threatened.

"Damn, he's looking good, is a great provider, and all of a sudden he seems a little less interested in me."
"I better get my **** together or some other woman is going to target him and OMFG I've been denying him a decent sex life!!"

That's when she'll start working at keeping you.

The vast majority of women I've been involved with lost interest to some degree or another when they felt like they "had me".

The moment they felt like they were losing me I was their top commodity, there wasn't a damn thing they wouldn't initiate to keep hold of me.

This works, it truly does.

Please read the link, you have a complete stranger on the internet begging you to read that damn link before you break something you can't fix.

Stop making me beg.
:eek:
 
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