[BigDaddyNY]

I haven't talked to my kids YOUR way, I don't think. I also have never used my communication with them to declare that my way is the only way or even the best way. And just because I don't talk about something personal about myself (to my kids or to anyone) doesn't mean I'm ashamed of it.

I believe the comments on this thread are a perfect example of why people choose to HIDE and don't want to share controversial opinions and/or life choices.

Just because I'm not ashamed of something doesn't mean I want to be attacked and snidely laughed at by others about it.

Why hide it from adult children?

 

[LisaDiane]

Why hide it from adult children?

Because it's MY CHOICE to do what I think is best as a parent.

 

[BigDaddyNY]

Faithful for me is living up to whatever arrangement you made when you got married, or if not, at least updating that arrangement with your partner's full consent and participation.

How can it possibly be considered unfaithful when you are doing something that everyone has agreed to?

That makes sense. Again, I'm thinking from my standpoint of lifelong monogamy and the fact that the vast majority of people marry with the expectation of monogamy. Monogamy is a core belief for me and I won't be changing it.

 

[LisaDiane]

Why hide it from adult children?

Your conditions and standards and expectations are yours and have a different meaning to you than they do to me.

 

[LisaDiane]

That makes sense. Again, I'm thinking from my standpoint of lifelong monogamy and the fact that the vast majority of people marry with the expectation of monogamy. Monogamy is a core belief for me and I won't be changing it.

And do you notice that no one is ridiculing you or openly challenging you based on your sexual choices??

 

[BigDaddyNY]

Because it's MY CHOICE to do what I think is best as a parent.

I completely respect that it is your choice. It just seems to me that you are hiding who you really are. That's just the way I feel.

 

[BigDaddyNY]

And do you notice that no one is ridiculing you or openly challenging you based on your sexual choices??

That I'm not so sure about. There have been plenty of posts here that imply I am not as enlightened in someway because of my views. After pointing that out the next post will say that isn't what was meant, but it seems that way to me, and I think to some others.

 

[LisaDiane]

I completely respect that it is your choice. It just seems to me that you are hiding who you really are. That's just the way I feel.

That's fine. You can feel that way all you want...however, just because you feel something doesn't make it reality.

That's why maintaining an open mind, especially in a large group of diverse people, creates the best environment for sharing and learning about other people -- and about our differences and our similarities.

 

[oldshirt]

We dont share the details with our children but we do share the values we have about sex and marriage.Thats important.
He doesn't want his children to know his values and that is telling.

Ah but this is where you and @BigDaddyNY and @LATERILUS79 aren't getting it (I know you really do get it, you just don't like it or approve of it) But we DO share our values with our kids. Our values are love and support and safety and responsibility and mutual respect and compassion etc etc and we impress upon our kids that consenting adults will have to chose their own path in life for what works best for them.

Everyone's kids are going to ultimately choose their own path in life and will not necessarily follow in their parent's footsteps whether those parents are church virgins or porn stars.

What we don't impose on our kids are YOUR values.

And no, we are not going to tell our kids what we do in bed and we are certainly not going to have some weird "numbers" discussion with our children.

Y'alls fascination with this is just plain weird and creepy. What kid wants to hear about their parent's sex life AT ALL?

Now to try to wrap this particular thread jack up and come back on topic, Some swingers out there may be more open about their own personal activities with their friends and family, but I assume most keep their private matters private.

If anyone ELSE has a DIFFERENT and LEGITIMATE question in regards to how people in the lifestyle balance between their private life and the rest of their friends and family, I will entertain that.

If either of you 3 come back with anything about children, you will be reported for thread jacking and harassment.

It's time to move on.

 

[LisaDiane]

That I'm not so sure about. There have been plenty of posts here that imply I am not as enlightened in someway because of my views. After pointing that out the next post will say that isn't what was meant, but it seems that way to me, and I think to some others.

Maybe you don't understand what I meant by "openly ridiculing"...I didn't say "not as enlightened". I mean being grossly disrespected over and over. Did you notice how quiet this thread got? Why do you think no one else wanted to post on here...because they all agreed with you? Or because it was turning into a crap-show and they didn't want to end up covered in crap?

I've never seen that happen to you, but I could have missed it...but if it did, I would find it just as ugly and distasteful as I do when you do it.

The next time someone says that the people who practice non-monogamy are treated with kid gloves, I will laugh in their face and point them to this thread.

 

[BigDaddyNY]

Maybe you don't understand what I meant by "openly ridiculing"...I didn't say "not as enlightened". I mean being grossly disrespected over and over. Did you notice how quiet this thread got? Why do you think no one else wanted to post on here...because they all agreed with you? Or because it was turning into a crap-show and they didn't want to end up covered in crap?

I've never seen that happen to you, but I could have missed it...but if it did, I would find it just as ugly and distasteful as I do when you do it.

The next time someone says that the people who practice non-monogamy are treated with kid gloves, I will laugh in their face and point them to this thread.

I am a fallible human, far from perfect. I am sorry if someone was disrespected.

I want to point out something though. Did you notice the interaction with almost all those here that has an "alternative" lifestyle or has engaged in a consensual non-monogamous sex life and how it was very respectful? It was really only with @oldshirt that things got off the rails. It isn't his swinger lifestyle alone that brought on that response. It is the fact that he has/had a long history of not respecting the marriage of others. He slept with a dozen different married women that were cheating on their husbands and seems to have an oh well attitude about it. Then, with that background he makes crazy statements like I wouldn't trust the monogamous husband of 20+ years around his wife. I found it insulting. I will admit, a lot was directed at him that could be viewed as insulting too. But this is a site about marriage and all of that past history he has is anti-marriage. An unrepentant POSOM is going to get crapped on.

I've really been just trying to understand why everyone engaged in ENM is hiding it. Based on this thread I can understand why you wouldn't scream it from a rooftop to everyone, but why not adult kids?

That's got me thinking. Maybe it is a relationship vs. sex act thing. I share information about my relationship (monogamous marriage) with my kids. They know that's what our relationship is, and they are more than old enough to know that it entails sex. I believe marriage is a sexual relationship, but that is another discussion entirely. I share nothing about sex acts. Maybe it is an incorrect assumption, I would think a couple in an ENM relationship would also have children that know what makes up their parent's relationship. Or do they consider that part to just be a sex act, in which case I wouldn't share it either.

 

[BigDaddyNY]

Ah but this is where you and @BigDaddyNY and @LATERILUS79 aren't getting it (I know you really do get it, you just don't like it or approve of it) But we DO share our values with our kids. Our values are love and support and safety and responsibility and mutual respect and compassion etc etc and we impress upon our kids that consenting adults will have to chose their own path in life for what works best for them.

Everyone's kids are going to ultimately choose their own path in life and will not necessarily follow in their parent's footsteps whether those parents are church virgins or porn stars.

What we don't impose on our kids are YOUR values.

And no, we are not going to tell our kids what we do in bed and we are certainly not going to have some weird "numbers" discussion with our children.

Y'alls fascination with this is just plain weird and creepy. What kid wants to hear about their parent's sex life AT ALL?

Now to try to wrap this particular thread jack up and come back on topic, Some swingers out there may be more open about their own personal activities with their friends and family, but I assume most keep their private matters private.

If anyone ELSE has a DIFFERENT and LEGITIMATE question in regards to how people in the lifestyle balance between their private life and the rest of their friends and family, I will entertain that.

If either of you 3 come back with anything about children, you will be reported for thread jacking and harassment.

It's time to move on.

I got ya, and I didn't see this until I made that last thread.

I will just let it go at this point, you are right it is getting off onto another topic.

 

[LisaDiane]

I am a fallible human, far from perfect. I am sorry if someone was disrespected.

I want to point out something though. Did you notice the interaction with almost all those here that has an "alternative" lifestyle or has engaged in a consensual non-monogamous sex life and how it was very respectful? It was really only with @oldshirt that things got off the rails. It isn't his swinger lifestyle alone that brought on that response. It is the fact that he has/had a long history of not respecting the marriage of others. He slept with a dozen different married women that were cheating on their husbands and seems to have an oh well attitude about it. Then, with that background he makes crazy statements like I wouldn't trust the monogamous husband of 20+ years around his wife. I found it insulting. I will admit, a lot was directed at him that could be viewed as insulting too. But this is a site about marriage and all of that past history he has is anti-marriage. An unrepentant POSOM is going to get crapped on.

I've really been just trying to understand why everyone engaged in ENM is hiding it. Based on this thread I can understand why you wouldn't scream it from a rooftop to everyone, but why not adult kids?

That's got me thinking. Maybe it is a relationship vs. sex act thing. I share information about my relationship (monogamous marriage) with my kids. They know that's what our relationship is, and they are more than old enough to know that it entails sex. I believe marriage is a sexual relationship, but that is another discussion entirely. I share nothing about sex acts. Maybe it is an incorrect assumption, I would think a couple in an ENM relationship would also have children that know what makes up their parent's relationship. Or do they consider that part to just be a sex act, in which case I wouldn't share it either.

What I saw was a whole lot of projection and assumption and WILLFUL misunderstanding, and then justification to "crap on" someone whom others believed were below them morally and not repentant enough.

People who do that don't reveal anything about their target's character...they reveal weaknesses in their own (in MY opinion).

Yeah, that happens. But I don't respect the people who do it.

 

[Numb26]

Just got done reading this thread......I need a shower now.

 

[MattMatt]

This thread is now closed.