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Discussion Starter #1
I recently ran into a substitute teacher than i had years ago and chatted a few minutes. He's probably 60 and not over 5 feet tall.
He's not Tom Cruise, but not a bad looking guy either. I don't remember how it came up, but he said he had never been married. He jokingly said, "Not a lot of demand for guys my height."

i thought that was rather sad and it got me to thinking, I think it is sad that physical appearance plays such a huge role in who we can have in a relationship. I feel like everyone is the same on the inside to a point, but we are different on the outside. In other words, I'm sure he would have loved to have been married to a normally attractive woman, but it never happened for him, and I guess he decided to not settle for someone he wasn't attracted to. And I'm sure the same could be said about all the women who passed him by, they just weren't attracted to him.

I know weight gain and such has been discussed here as causing a loss of attraction. Well, what if a person isn't that attractive to begin with? I notice not too many "hot" women are married to 5 foot guys, or not too many jocks are married to Ugly Betty.

I remember a girl who got married out of high school who told someone, "I'm sure he's the best I'll ever do, so I better hang on to him." I wonder how many people feel this way in life, or have to decide that they will have to pass on the hot, passionate, rip-your-clothes-off type love and decide they will have to love for other reasons?

I guess I'm just rambling, but I just felt a bit sad after walking away from that guy.
 

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It's sad, but that's the way it is in most cases. Since reading MMSL and a little about hypergamy, I've become more aware of it. Looking around, I don't see too many couples in which the s*x ranks are out of whack. And if they are, bad things tend to happen.
 

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I dated a man shorter than me once. Was SO in love with him. He was awesome in every way!!! We just didn't work out. He was the type that never wanted to get married and have children. Not until AFTER we broke up and I met someone else (my current Hubs) that he told me he wanted to marry me and would have kids. But I feel that he would have been miserable in a married live, tied down with kids and wife. So I made the best choice to not fall for his crap (lines) after I was gone.

Last I heard, he's still single.
 

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I have been in relationships with ugly men because I liked who they were inside. Unfortunately, the relationships were unsuccessful because I had a hard time being sexual with them.

I never wanted to date men who were extremely handsome because those types always come with their own issues. The best looking men are usually players.

Everyone is entitled to their preferences. I have always liked men who were much taller since I am only 5'4. Dating an ugly man never worked out for me when I was single and I am glad that my husband is very sexy to me.
 

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Yep... i dated a great guy when i was about 18. He was funny and smart but also short and fat. Sex was not at all sexy.

I felt shallow and pathetic when we split up... but i knew if i didn't fancy him in the beginning I would never fancy him years down the track.
 

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Looks plays an important role, especially at the beginning although it's not everything.

One thing I have noticed about myself is that I have never attracted good looking/handsome guys. I have been attracted by them but it wasn't reciprocated.
The only guys I seem to attract are those who I don't consider good looking or those I don't find physically attractive and/or with whom I wouldn't be in a relationship.

On the other hand, I am not ugly myself, but I've never had luck with attracting guys I wanted.
The only relationship I've been in was 3 years ago (when I was 22, now I am 25) and it lasted only 8 months, because I couldn't be with someone I didn't find physically attractive and as a result couldn't make love to/have sex with. Whenever I kissed him I always had doubts in my mind "do I really wanna kiss him?"
At first, I thought "oh well, personality is what matters so I'll skip the looks" but then I realized I couldn't take it anymore. He was not ugly, but on the other hand ..not someone I found attractive.
Let's make it clear, I'm not looking for guys like ...I don't know..Brad Pitt or whatever [and personally, I don't find him attractive at all lol].

I've been single since then because oh well....as always I never find people to share mutual feelings with.

So, sometimes it's not only about looks. It's about..I'd say .. bad luck lol. And I have it.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Speaking of ugly, I rarely see anyone that I would label as ugly, it's just that not everybody fits the "attractive" category for a lot of people.

So, are people who aren't attractive destined to be with someone their equal, and if so, do they ever really get to experience that animalistic passion that the more attractive people feel when they pair up?

I also wonder if we are all aware of what category we fit in? There are some people who deny knowing they are attractive, then there are those who go around with their nose in the air because of it.

I know this may seem like a "duh" topic, but sometimes things just spark thoughts.
 

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I am very guilty of being swayed by Looks... in this department, there are potentials... and NEVERS/just friends....I've always viewed it this way.

Though my husband would say some of my tastes are just plain "weird"... he's told me to not even compare him to some of my crushes back in those high school days...I had a thing for lanky red heads ~ I liked this one strange character whose nick name was "Fish"... not exactly popular with the girls....but to me...he was CUTE! He liked my Girlfriend over me though.... :( oh well...she didn't want him! Ha ha.... Then I met my husband.

We have a guy friend...needed braces badly.....one of my gf's commented about his "horse teeth" -how she could never go for him.....big burly guy.... just never had it in the looks department...but fun & friendly.... started going bald early...gained a little weight ....

He has talked to us about this subject, even with some anger...cause he KNOWS he couldn't get the women he wanted, doesn't have a chance in He**. He would always say he'd rather stay single with his fantasies than be with someone he wasn't attracted too. He's had those opportunities but .....in the end, he just wanted more.
 

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I know this may seem like a "duh" topic, but sometimes things just spark thoughts.
I like this topic a lot to be honest with you.

Speaking of ugly, I rarely see anyone that I would label as ugly, it's just that not everybody fits the "attractive" category for a lot of people.
Exactly. I think the same. This is a constant debate between a 20 year old cousin of mine and me [I'm like a big sis to her].
Rarely do I use the word "ugly" for anyone. Mostly I say he's not good looking but when I don't think he's handsome I say "he's okay, he's normal, he's cool."

My 20 y.o cousin once asked me "do you find everyone attractive ? do you find anyone ugly at all??
Because you never say someone is ugly!! How-come ? Look at him! How can you find him normal or attractive? He's ugly!
"
And my response to that is "You are still young and over the years you'll constantly change your preferences. You'll grow up and learn that, usually, there are no ugly people. Just because for example, his nose is big, doesn't mean he's ugly. Just because the shape of his face is weird..doesn't mean he's ugly. You don't get to look at the details. You look at him as a whole and you should care about the harmony, not for unnecessary details. We've all got our flaws but there's always something someone will find attractive about us".

Given the age of my cousin, I don't think she understands what I'm saying. She cares about guys with perfect body, tall, perfect muscles and other sh*t like that. Sure, we all like physically attractive guys but to me for example, I wouldn't mind it if the guy was a bit overweight, or if he had flaws which wouldn't ruin the harmony of his looks... or if he doesn't fit in the "hot category".

Attractive is something totally different. He might not be good looking but he's still attractive. It has to do with charisma.
He might not be physically fit and be overweight.. but he's still attractive. And to me, he's good looking - no matter if he's not handsome to most people.
He can be 60 years old, but still VERY attractive.
Attraction goes beyond unnecessary details (looks-wise). It also has to do with attitude, which goes beyond looks.
He can have many flaws in his face/hair/body but he could still be attractive.
There might not be anything particularly good looking in his body/face ...but he could still be attractive.

Obviously, my 20 year old cousin has to learn all this over the course of her life. She's too shallow now. :)
She thinks a 30 year old guy is not a guy but an old man. Go figure! lol.


So, are people who aren't attractive destined to be with someone their equal, and if so, do they ever really get to experience that animalistic passion that the more attractive people feel when they pair up?
What I have noticed? GENERALLY SPEAKING, I have noticed people are attracted to their level/type of attractiveness. Which means..let me give you an extreme example..

I don't think a guy like Prince Williams would be attracted to a girl like .. the singer Pink. . Why? They are both good looking BUT they simply have different levels of looks/personalities. I don't think a guy with the charm of P.Williams would fall for a girl with the "aggressiveness" of Pink.

Looks reflect personality and people go towards those people who have similarities, looks-wise and personality-wise.
It's about finding your type inside the circle you belong. You can be the most beautiful woman in town and the men you meet daily are handsome (maybe MORE handsome than you) ...and yet..you can't find the type of man that makes your heart beat.
So it's not only a matter of who's ugly and who's pretty. Even if you're pretty, you'll have to work hard to find the missing piece. Not everyone is for you and you're not for everyone.

On the other hand, there are couples where one is pretty and the other one is ugly but from what I've heard and seen, these relationships tend to fail over the time.

I also wonder if we are all aware of what category we fit in? There are some people who deny knowing they are attractive, then there are those who go around with their nose in the air because of it.
Just because you're not ugly doesn't mean you're pretty.
Just because you're not pretty, doesn't mean you're ugly.
As long as people feel good, have their feet on the ground and know where they stand then that's what matters.

The ridiculous part is when someone is nor ugly nor pretty, yet they act like they're the most beautiful people on Earth.
Now THAT is what I find worrisome. And yes, there are plenty of people like that out there.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
My cousin and i were recently talking about other people possibly seeing you differently than you see yourself. I've wondered about myself.

When i was younger, I was a right handsome guy. I remember being in a store once in my early 20s. As I passed a nice looking woman in the isle, she looked at me and I heard her say Wow under her breath as i passed. I'll always remember that.

Needless to say, I don't get those reactions anymore. I still feel the same on the inside, but there's a little grey around the sides now, the hair that once would have given Elvis a run for his money is not as thick as it once was, and there's a little sign of a stomach. It wouldn't even cross my mind to not ask a woman out because of my looks, but they might think differently.
 

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When i was younger, I was a right handsome guy.
You're a guy ?
Lol. sorry. I don't know why I thought you were a girl.
Maybe from the feet in your avatar.


but there's a little grey around the sides now, the hair that once would have given Elvis a run for his money is not as thick as it once was, and there's a little sign of a stomach. It wouldn't even cross my mind to not ask a woman out because of my looks, but they might think differently.
See now? These were the unnecessary little details I was talking about earlier. You should erase these thoughts immediately!!
Who cares if your hair is grey or if you have a sign on your stomach. I don't know how old you are, but this doesn't matter at all. If a woman would find you overall attractive then she wouldn't care about your grey hair or other signs.

All you need is self-confidence. This is what's missing in you.
You can be the ugliest guy on Earth but if you have confidence, charisma and attitude then you'll have all women on their knees.
 

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Discussion Starter #16
You're a guy ?
Lol. sorry. I don't know why I thought you were a girl.
Maybe from the feet in your avatar.




See now? These were the unnecessary little details I was talking about earlier. You should erase these thoughts immediately!!
Who cares if your hair is grey or if you have a sign on your stomach. I don't know how old you are, but this doesn't matter at all. If a woman would find you overall attractive then she wouldn't care about your grey hair or other signs.

All you need is self-confidence. This is what's missing in you.
You can be the ugliest guy on Earth but if you have confidence, charisma and attitude then you'll have all women on their knees.
By "sign of a stomach," I meant my stomach wasn't as trim as it once was. As for confidence, I am fine with confidence, but I wonder sometimes if i have too much. I think i still see myself the way I was in my 20s, because that's how i feel on the inside, but I realize that outward guy just isn't that way anymore. Thanks for your comments.
 

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At the end of the day we are sexual beings. That said, I've dated guys who were "daymn he's fiiine" and "do you make him wear a bag when y'all have sex"??

I have dated guys who were my height (5ft) to 6ft. I never gave height much thought until, entire my boy, he's about 5'3, and when I wear my tallest heels in towering over him. I don't feel secure.

I can wear my tallest heels with my husband (that puts my close to 6ft, maybe anywhere from 5'9-5'11) I'm not taller than him, I feel safe and secure. He has broad shoulders and long arms and wears a size 13/14. I always feel small and cute and like a girl.

Personality does play a role too. My husband is a man, and our friend is (to me) still boyish.
 

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Sex rank.

We discussed this at length in the 'Science of Sex' thread some time ago.

People gravitate to partners of equal sex rank. If the dynamics of a couples sex rank begin to change drastically, it usually spells trouble for the relationship.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
You're a guy ?
Lol. sorry. I don't know why I thought you were a girl.
Maybe from the feet in your avatar. .
No problem, I understand. I usually go for a more masculine avatar on other forums, or one that fits the forum. I guess i like cute feet on a girl, so i have always had a female feet avatar here. It seems to fit here.
 

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I never considered myself to be very attractive, nor very ugly... (Not that I ever see people that I truly think are ugly). I'm 5'3 3/4" and hovering between 150 and 160 lbs. (Those last 10 baby pounds aren't a myth, apparently)!!! I'm curvy and feminine... And sometimes I feel like a whale next to my 115 lb (5'5 3/4") husband. He's not exactly had girls pounding his door down since I've known him... But he is cut (practices martial arts and yoga) and I think he's handsome. He's got dark, wavy hair and piercing blue eyes to die for.

His recent personality "issues" have made him less attractive to me.

It's not all about looks, and as I've found... Someone's looks can grow on you over time. :)
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