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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Just curious about how others responded when they learned of their WS's infidelity. What did you do if your WS wanted to stay in the home but use it as a base to go and see the AP while "managing" a separation? What's the appropriate thing to do when you want to kick them out but they are legally entitled to stay there and you have kids?
 

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I don't know - my husband left when I kicked him out, and he kept paying the mortgage. As he should have. I doubt we'd be together today if he'd insisted on staying.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
If things are hostile, do you think it's right for the BS to alternate staying at the home for the sake of the kids? For example, if the kids need to stay at one place, but WS does not have a good place to go and stay? (My WW slept at her office for several weeks while I alternated staying at a friend's). We did this so she could stay overnight with the kids some nights. I don't know if that was the right thing to do or too passive... Our kids are young (3 and 6). I suppose I could have stayed there too but we were really not getting along and I didn't want kids to see fighting.

It just seems so hard to know what to do for the kids without getting door matted or used as the babysitter. I guess it also felt good to get out of the house because there were so many triggers there.
 

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Just curious about how others responded when they learned of their WS's infidelity. What did you do if your WS wanted to stay in the home but use it as a base to go and see the AP while "managing" a separation? What's the appropriate thing to do when you want to kick them out but they are legally entitled to stay there and you have kids?
I don't know what is "appropriate", however, 10 years ago when my youngest was still a minor and I caught my WS having several EAs and possibly PAs, I asked him to leave. Obviously I was hurting and angry at the time and needed time apart from him to think about things.

At first, he refused to leave. Then I laid on the pressure. If he wants to save this marriage, he will have to leave me alone to sort out my feelings. I agreed to counseling if he would leave. I assured him that I still loved him and wanted the marriage to work. I cried. I raged. I created drama. Finally, when he was assured that this was only temporary, he agreed. He did it to prove that he was concerned for my feelings and still loved me and wanted the marriage to work.

10 years later, rinse, repeat, he refused to leave this time so I did, and we are currently in D proceedings.

The point is that in my first approach, where I was successful in getting him out of the house, I created "drama". I told him what he wanted to hear. I told him it was temporary. I suppose the same "approach" could be used, even if your intent is a permanent separation. My WS wasn't buying into it the second time, however, if you have tried nothing yet, it's worth a shot. He did leave the first time.
 

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In a just world, the ws would leave. I am very stubborn. There is no way I would leave my home in that situation. If the ws refused to leave, I'd at least remove the ws's belongings from my bedroom. Where they sleep is no longer my concern. I can and know I would be passive aggressive and ratchet it up to drive her out by her own choice.

It was fortunately not tested in my case, I gave the ultimatum, me or him, and she chose me. Still, when the anger did start to come, I did let it out enough to make her leave for a night, eventually. I was driving home the point in a way I hadn't in the immediate aftermath.
 

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As much as I would like it to happen, my WW won't leave. She knows that if she moves out it will have an impact on child custody decisions. We are very civil in our house and around our kids. I can tell you it's pretty tough when her boyfriend calls and they talk for an hour. At this point it's very foggy where she is and she doesn't want to try to work things out with me.

She has to work this morning. 8 hour shift. Then back to work tomorrow for an earlier shift. So she is going to stay near work tonight at boyfriend's place. Noticed the packed bag with fancy underwear and perfume. Pretty tough to take.

That dam Karma bus! While I was writing this I got a phone call from her. She missed a corner while driving to work and smashed her car. She's OK. I arranged for towing. She got a ride to work. Coincidently, last week the court comissioner said that her car payments and expenses were hers from that point forward. So sad.
 

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I was going to add. I would definitely not leave. If you can control your emotions. I have found that giving a WW "space" and comfortable living arrangements often does not speed up the clearing of the fog. It's your house too. If you want to use the living room, bedroom, whatever, use it. I slept on the couch for a month, then decided it was my bed too. I moved back into the bedroom. What I found is it makes it more difficult for WW to lay in bed and talk on the phone to AP. Not my problem.

Be careful, though. It's a fine line between making things less comfortable for your WW to stay in the home and being harassing to the point where she can use that to have you legally kicked out.
 

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I say kick them out. I'm not proud or ashamed to admit it, but in my state when I finally kicked out cheating fiance she knew i was in no mood to be fked around and I honestly couldn't guarantee being able to stop myself from punching her in the face and she knew it

Took care of her when sick, reorganized her finances and did tax returns, constant attention and compliment, and goes around talking **** about me to OM and b!tch friends and laughing at my personal issues and aspirations.

Thats the most anger I've ever experienced in my life, and no one should be around me like that honestly.
 
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