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Awhile back, I posted about how my wife and I (newly married, this past June) were fighting often about the frequency of sex and so on. In the year/months before our wedding, her libido seemed to slowly die off and got to the point where we were barely having sex by the time we got married.

Well, on the positive side, we are having sex more often now. Not as often as I'd like, but it's an improvement. A realization that I've come to though is that even though we're having sex more, we still haven't gotten that passion back. Don't get me wrong I enjoy the physical aspects, but it still seems like we're lacking in the emotional/spiritual/etc. connection aspect of our sex life. I realized we haven't had that "want to rip each other's clothes off" kind of sex since May, before we got married. Don't get me wrong I don't expect sex to be like that all the time, but right now it just seems like we're going through the motions.

One thing, and I think that this is a hint as to the issue, is that the only way I can really get her going anymore is with soft bondage and domination (handcuffs, arm/leg restraint, light domination). I'm fine with those things, I enjoy them, but the fact that we can't really get going without them to me is an issue.

In our marriage, she handles the finances (which I am fine with and which she prefers) which in some ways puts her in a dominant role. I'm wondering if the soft bondage and domination thing is her expressing a need to be submissive and relinquish control.

So, with all that said, I'm gradually trying to work on being more assertive/dominant in our relationship (which is in line with some advice I received before). It's going to be a long road, as I am definitely the more emotional and empathic of the two of us (my educational background is in counseling, ironic right?) I'm hoping that it might rekindle some feelings. Do you all think I'm reading/thinking too much into this, do you think I'm on the right track? Also, anyone else have any experiences with a similar situation that might help?
 

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BB87 said: I posted about how my wife and I (newly married, this past June) were fighting often about the frequency of sex and so on. In the year/months before our wedding, her libido seemed to slowly die off and got to the point where we were barely having sex by the time we got married.
Do you think there is any other underlying resentments that have not been dealt with - leading up to your marriage?

Buried simmering resentments not voiced & talked through can cause a lack of Passion.

You sound like my husband... he is more sensitive & very empathetic (not sure I would say emotional though) maybe over me even. Maybe your wife likes it ROUGH, and you need to step it up here. I know this is a struggle for my own husband to do.

It's just not in his sensual make up - I think we all have our Lover styles.

Here are some tests you & she can take to better understand yourselves & what you crave in the bedroom..

Here is the book link ... When Your Sex Drives Don't Match: Discover Your Libido Types to Create a Mutually Satisfying Sex Life

There are 10 libido types:

1. Sensual
2. Erotic
3. Compulsive
4. Dependent
5. Stressed
6. Disinterested
7. Detached
8. Addictive
9. Entitled
10. Reactive

Can figure out yours here>>> Identifying your Libido Type

Also a Lover Style Test CLICK HERE - just for a little more understanding of each other...

The Classic Lover
The Exotic Lover
The Suave Lover
The Carnal Lover
The Devoted Lover
The Surprising Lover
The Romantic Lover
The Liberated Lover

Love Languages Test here - in case you haven't done this - to see where you each feel the most loved >> The 5 Love Languages TEST

Just something you could both do together and learn about each other along the way ...in hopes to pleasing each other more so (and understanding why each is the way they are )... hopefully this can bridge the gap some.
 
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