Awhile back, I posted about how my wife and I (newly married, this past June) were fighting often about the frequency of sex and so on. In the year/months before our wedding, her libido seemed to slowly die off and got to the point where we were barely having sex by the time we got married.
Well, on the positive side, we are having sex more often now. Not as often as I'd like, but it's an improvement. A realization that I've come to though is that even though we're having sex more, we still haven't gotten that passion back. Don't get me wrong I enjoy the physical aspects, but it still seems like we're lacking in the emotional/spiritual/etc. connection aspect of our sex life. I realized we haven't had that "want to rip each other's clothes off" kind of sex since May, before we got married. Don't get me wrong I don't expect sex to be like that all the time, but right now it just seems like we're going through the motions.
One thing, and I think that this is a hint as to the issue, is that the only way I can really get her going anymore is with soft bondage and domination (handcuffs, arm/leg restraint, light domination). I'm fine with those things, I enjoy them, but the fact that we can't really get going without them to me is an issue.
In our marriage, she handles the finances (which I am fine with and which she prefers) which in some ways puts her in a dominant role. I'm wondering if the soft bondage and domination thing is her expressing a need to be submissive and relinquish control.
So, with all that said, I'm gradually trying to work on being more assertive/dominant in our relationship (which is in line with some advice I received before). It's going to be a long road, as I am definitely the more emotional and empathic of the two of us (my educational background is in counseling, ironic right?) I'm hoping that it might rekindle some feelings. Do you all think I'm reading/thinking too much into this, do you think I'm on the right track? Also, anyone else have any experiences with a similar situation that might help?
Well, on the positive side, we are having sex more often now. Not as often as I'd like, but it's an improvement. A realization that I've come to though is that even though we're having sex more, we still haven't gotten that passion back. Don't get me wrong I enjoy the physical aspects, but it still seems like we're lacking in the emotional/spiritual/etc. connection aspect of our sex life. I realized we haven't had that "want to rip each other's clothes off" kind of sex since May, before we got married. Don't get me wrong I don't expect sex to be like that all the time, but right now it just seems like we're going through the motions.
One thing, and I think that this is a hint as to the issue, is that the only way I can really get her going anymore is with soft bondage and domination (handcuffs, arm/leg restraint, light domination). I'm fine with those things, I enjoy them, but the fact that we can't really get going without them to me is an issue.
In our marriage, she handles the finances (which I am fine with and which she prefers) which in some ways puts her in a dominant role. I'm wondering if the soft bondage and domination thing is her expressing a need to be submissive and relinquish control.
So, with all that said, I'm gradually trying to work on being more assertive/dominant in our relationship (which is in line with some advice I received before). It's going to be a long road, as I am definitely the more emotional and empathic of the two of us (my educational background is in counseling, ironic right?) I'm hoping that it might rekindle some feelings. Do you all think I'm reading/thinking too much into this, do you think I'm on the right track? Also, anyone else have any experiences with a similar situation that might help?