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Discussion Starter · #101 ·
I used to live 5 mins away from this place. If I still lived there I would have gone private detective Mode for you. How much longer is she there for?

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Shes recently moved out in favour of catching up with some relatives in UK before departing back to NZ later this week...Thanks for the offer though..
 

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My female partner is overseas on a working volunteer
Hey, thanks guys for all your replies... and I guess that from I hear, pretty unacceptable. In NZ, partner is the common term used now for GF, wife, de-facto or just about any relation...
In New Zealand, living together is just about the norm...we tend now to address our wife, girlfriend or whatever the relationship may be as partner. Very much part of NZ culture.
Pretty sure he said they aren't living together. Just dating.
 

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Discussion Starter · #103 ·
Much reflecting over past days...and I am tending to agree with you. Feel I've been slipping into a doormat mode... these relations do not build you up but instead over time break you down. with this in mind, and not much to loose, it's time to ask tough questions when she gets back. Now thinking losing her wont be the disaster I once thought it would be...
 

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Shes recently moved out in favour of catching up with some relatives in UK before departing back to NZ later this week...Thanks for the offer though..
Change of plans? Looks like she have started to panic or something.

I hope you are NOT talking to her. Just read her messages but do not respond to them. This is about your dignity and self-respect.

When she comes back to NZ, no need to receive her on airport (or meet her).

Wait for her to reach out to you. IF she wants to meet you then this should be at your home (privacy factor). When she greets you in person, do NOT hug her.

Brace yourself for her "mind games" that I alluded to in following post:


Stick to following principles in your relationship:

1. You will NOT share your partner with another man. Zero tolerance for hookup(s) in any situation or setting.
2. You will NOT be PLAN B.

Would be interesting to see if she can PASS your 1st principle in view of what happened in her trip. Excuses should be the deal-breaker.
 

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EDIT:
My post below was about the wrong EarthSpirit retreat. Apologies for the misleading information.

Website from my comment here
Actual website relevant to OP

——————

The Earthspirit adventure looks great to me if you want to unload all your earthly concerns and have the time of your life communing with nature and each other 🤮

They even have a Sex and Sexuality culture statement! How thoughtful.

From the site:
"We value our sensuality. Physical touch and sexuality are aspects of our experience that can bring pleasure and power and joy. We value the ways we can connect with others through our bodies and shared sensual and sexual experiences. "

Sorry OP. It's not looking good.
These sites don't look like a place to "volunteer" there to help out poor folks -- they seem like a hippie love-fest get away.
ETA: I DO see that they allow volunteers there -- but it still seems a bit screwball to me....
 

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Much reflecting over past days...and I am tending to agree with you. Feel I've been slipping into a doormat mode... these relations do not build you up but instead over time break you down. with this in mind, and not much to loose, it's time to ask tough questions when she gets back. Now thinking losing her wont be the disaster I once thought it would be...
You could consider asking her to do a lie detector test about her time there if you don't find her responses credible....
 

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We're talking still and have 'moved on' but there's this thing now stuck in my head.. and man, does it play up at night when I want to get some sleep...
Clearly, you haven't moved on. Who could blame you?

I'm still stuck on how the guy got into the hot tub naked in the first place. I mean, as a married woman, some dude starts dropping his drawers to climb in with me, he's getting told off while I'm jumping out.
 

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Clearly, you haven't moved on. Who could blame you?

I'm still stuck on how the guy got into the hot tub naked in the first place. I mean, as a married woman, some dude starts dropping his drawers to climb in with me, he's getting told off while I'm jumping out.
The bigger problem is that she should never have been on that trip in the first place (if they were in fact in a long-term, committed relationship).
The fact that she chose to go on that trip in the midst of a committed relationship, and that he allowed it to happen within the relationship, is the more central problem.
 

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The fact that she chose to go on that trip in the midst of a committed relationship, and that he allowed it to happen within the relationship, is the more central problem.
I tend to think the same way. Sorry, not sorry. Don't put yourself in that kind of position if you're in a loving, committed, relationship.

Wanna act single? BE single.
 

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Discussion Starter · #112 ·
She is a hypocrite, she is doing something she probably wouldn’t forgive you for. She could have easily left the hot tub when mr pervert showed up.
If it had been me in the spa, I know she would of been very angry at me to the point of telling me to f*#k off... I have no doubt about that at all...but she has brushed it off as nothing (like entertaining for her) and then hits me up when I confront and tells me to get over myself??

I appreciate your woman point of view .. could I ask, how would you feel if your partner/husband was in the spa and woman turned up undressed, and jumped in..not once but twice late at night?. and just chatted? And the size of the spa, how there could not be touching...

Think the loving committed relationship is dissolving..
 

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Discussion Starter · #115 ·
Clearly, you haven't moved on. Who could blame you?

I'm still stuck on how the guy got into the hot tub naked in the first place. I mean, as a married woman, some dude starts dropping his drawers to climb in with me, he's getting told off while I'm jumping out.
Given the size of the spa, would of been an intrusion even if he did have stuff on. This guy is a violation and should of been kicked out...got major anger toward this man...
 

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Discussion Starter · #117 ·
This still churns over my mind every night... but relate, I do now honestly think this is what happened, She was in the spa alone, relaxing and he turns up. Whether he asks if it's ok to jump in naked?, I'm not sure but doesn't matter, he jumps in naked with her. She chats to him and and after a little while some attraction starts going and in the process, she has made him feel welcome to share the spa with her. Now attracted to him, she escorts him back to his room (because he's doesn't know the way back to his room...yeah, right) maybe a cuddle and night kiss? . There she hinted that she might go for another spa next night...and that led onto the second spa meeting ( actually pre-arranged). They meet again late at night, dimly lit, jump in and share another spa time together. Due to size of the spa "accidental" touching happens.. and eventually leads onto more intimate stuff and dare I say it a bj to show her affection...and by this time she's naked as well...

This what plays out in my head...and fits pretty logically with that scenario. Do I need to 'get over yourself' as she suggested. I think not. What I need to do if get over her and move on as hard as that might be.

Sorry guys, still venting...
 

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Given the size of the spa, would of been an intrusion even if he did have stuff on. This guy is a violation and should of been kicked out...got major anger toward this man...
Are you ****ing serious dude?
Mr. naked isn’t the problem.
The size of the hot tub isn’t the problem.

Your girlfriend/partner is the problem.
She chose to go on a trip that is not conducive to being in a committed relationship, to a place that doesn’t sound like it’s conducive to being in a committed relationship, for a span of time that’s not conducive to being in a committed relationship.
And her behavior while there was unacceptable and not appropriate for a woman in a committed relationship.

And YOU are the problem.
For not being experienced enough or strong enough to set appropriate boundaries in your relationship.
You allowed her to go on this trip when you should have told her that you don’t find such a trip acceptable within the bounds of a committed relationship and that while she is free to go and do as she wishes, it won’t be as your partner.

You need to own this. You should be angry at your girlfriend, and you should be angry at yourself.
Mr. naked has nothing to do it. He’s not a predator, and your girlfriend is not a victim.
 
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