My bad for not doing research of this place,, assumed it was just some sort of conference place with accommodation where she and her girlfriend would do volunteer work. Bit of a OE thing to enjoy and experience and then come back to life in NZ. After reading their statement, feel even more gutted... Could I hold her back from going if I did the research?... probably not, even if I did, think deep resentment would have come into the relationship.
Partner having spa in hot tub when naked man jumps in.
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No, my bad for lack of research...bit of a double edge sword... either blissfully ignorant or stewing over the whole time she's away.
In New Zealand, living together is just about the norm...we tend now to address our wife, girlfriend or whatever the relationship may be as partner. Very much part of NZ culture.
She is a bit but very privately...sometimes when are out in the beach together and no one is around she will go for an all over tan...
Lots of people in NZ do it, low budget overseas experience, it's all about experience and adventure... very little to do with making money...
Sadly this is a real option at this stage.. her comments made me look at myself first to see if I was off track and need to 'get over myself' Feedback so far has given me validation that what i felt was very legitimate..
I responding to what she told me...seems absolutely bizarre that man could come to a (small) spa while being occupied by a woman he's never met and jump in naked. What man does that?. Could he first ask if it was ok??: Had some anger towards that man. And yes, she should of said to him 'this is inappropriate, could you first get dressed before getting in'. But by letting him in and chatting with him, I felt she was accepting him and sent a message to him of welcoming him. And repeated a second night. To me, a very clear message...
The whole thing is bizarre and ridiculous. I guess that man will carry on happy as and not know the collateral damage he's left behind
Same thoughts too...thats the impression I get...enjoyment
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exact same here , and in many other parts of the world even if some don't want to admit it ,
I think it was not your mistake in not researching what type place it was , but her for not giving you the full info , she was hiding it
A very real possibility...sharing a sanitised version. Any future discussions would then quickly be shut down with 'nothing happened' and of course "get over yourself'
Thank you all you guys for the feedback received. Really appreciated it...this is a great site and for people like me to off load deep concerns, do feel it has taken some of the stress away and given me empowerment to not be ashamed on how I felt. . I need to now turn it back on her when get gets back and tell her, no, there is not something is wrong with me. Whether we continue together remains questionable but will see how it plays out.
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You made a very good decision to post in this forum.
You have invested much time and energy on this woman to cultivate a relationship with her but facing betrayal now.
[Metaphorically speaking]She have stabbed you in the heart. You were smiling at her but felt something sharp in your chest and when you looked down at it, you were shocked to see it.[/Metaphorically speaking]
But you are "supposed to" get over it.
Pain will be tremendous.
You have time to recollect yourself. Grieve and vent in your home. But understand that this was NOT YOUR FAULT.
Stop talking to her while she is there. This will allow you to reflect on her actions, come to terms with her betrayal, and HARDEN yourself (mentally). Prepare yourself to cope with her "games" when she will come back and reach out to you. She will minimize her "experiences," try to gaslight you, and possibly blame you. She might try to make it up to you as well. Typical.
Provide an update here when she comes back and have talks with you.
Let [us] see how it goes.
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I don't think it's that one... but this one... it looks like a "normal" retreat type of place... it's the one @MattMatt linked too...
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I had a browse around. I've not been to a 'retreat' type place before although have semi-joked it may be good to go to one some time. Each to their own if this looks like a 'normal' or 'typical' one. I think in my mind when I've envisioned such a place it's more like a 5-star hotel of facilities. Perhaps where I just go hang out and read in the sunshine on a manicured lawn and get served green tea and fresh healthy meals before going for my daily massage.
Less so the compost loos. Still, each to their own. I'm more yuppie than 'hippie' (not that compost loos are necessarily hippie).Anyway, for OP, yes your partner could have requested that he have swimwear or if she didn't feel 'right' in that and perhaps given the environment/nature of the place, then could have raised it with management afterwards. I saw they had a gay tantra workshop or something recently, so the elderly man that joined her in the tub and arrived with another man who went to shower may well have been gay. Regardless of sexual orientation, she could have addressed it somehow if she had wanted. To suggest otherwise or that you have an issue is a cop-out. Given the nature of the place though, I would also surmise she likely just went with the flow and didn't interpret any harm. Granted, didn't necessarily encourage or discourage it either. Aside from the naked part, it can't just be me thinking it would have been more considerate of naked man to at least rinse off before joining. I know, not the point..!
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It seems like your standard UK retreat where they hold all sorts of alternative tantra/healing/nutrition/meditation events... there are also events for gay men and also sensual mastery for women...I had a browse around. I've not been to a 'retreat' type place before although have semi-joked it may be good to go to one some time. Each to their own if this looks like a 'normal' or 'typical' one. I think in my mind when I've envisioned such a place it's more like a 5-star hotel of facilities. Perhaps where I just go hang out and read in the sunshine on a manicured lawn and get served green tea and fresh healthy meals before going for my daily massage.
Anyway, for OP, yes your partner could have requested that he have swimwear or if she didn't feel 'right' in that and perhaps given the environment/nature of the place, then could have raised it with management afterwards. I saw they had a gay tantra workshop or something recently, so the elderly man that joined her in the tub and arrived with another man who went to shower may well have been gay. Regardless of sexual orientation, she could have addressed it somehow if she had wanted. To suggest otherwise or that you have an issue is a cop-out. Given the nature of the place though, I would also surmise she likely just went with the flow and didn't interpret any harm. Granted, didn't necessarily encourage or discourage it either. Aside from the naked part, it can't just be me thinking it would have been more considerate of naked man to at least rinse off before joining. I know, not the point..!
but it looks very legit to me with nothing dodgy going on...Ya know most of these type places have cameras all over the place.. if you can figure out the exact dates and times , you may be able to request footage of those times and dates from the resort. Almost all hotels ect. Here have hallway cameras that lead to rooms . It they could provide footage maybe you could see the spa tub or if she entered his room. Just food for thought. Also, how well do you know her GF that invited her ? Like another poster pointed out she could be doing damage control because the GF could spill the beans. When your GF returns you should bounce it off of the girl that invited her. And yes your feelings are real...I've been in your shoes. Trust your gut!!
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Unless there's been some crime and the police is involved, I doubt the retreat is going to send their footage to a random guy from NZ, even if his partner works there...
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I would expect he asked if it was ok to join her and she exceptedI had a browse around. I've not been to a 'retreat' type place before although have semi-joked it may be good to go to one some time. Each to their own if this looks like a 'normal' or 'typical' one. I think in my mind when I've envisioned such a place it's more like a 5-star hotel of facilities. Perhaps where I just go hang out and read in the sunshine on a manicured lawn and get served green tea and fresh healthy meals before going for my daily massage.
Anyway, for OP, yes your partner could have requested that he have swimwear or if she didn't feel 'right' in that and perhaps given the environment/nature of the place, then could have raised it with management afterwards. I saw they had a gay tantra workshop or something recently, so the elderly man that joined her in the tub and arrived with another man who went to shower may well have been gay. Regardless of sexual orientation, she could have addressed it somehow if she had wanted. To suggest otherwise or that you have an issue is a cop-out. Given the nature of the place though, I would also surmise she likely just went with the flow and didn't interpret any harm. Granted, didn't necessarily encourage or discourage it either. Aside from the naked part, it can't just be me thinking it would have been more considerate of naked man to at least rinse off before joining. I know, not the point..!
HE COULD ASK for footage , If I was them I would tell him sorry we don't give that out , unless you think there was a crime and you get the police to ask
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They'd probably claim Data Protection as a reason for not handing over the footage. As we used to say.
However, a report to whichever organisation your wife volunteered with would be a good idea. After all, this time he reportedly didn't do anything to the volunteer, but what about next time?
This could actually turn out to be quite a serious matter.
However, a report to whichever organisation your wife volunteered with would be a good idea. After all, this time he reportedly didn't do anything to the volunteer, but what about next time?
This could actually turn out to be quite a serious matter.
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I bet that they entered the spa together. This wasnāt a surprise to her.
They met, liked each other, and included the spa as part of their evening with the final spot back in his place.
This makes much more sense than a random/chance encounter, a bold naked dude, sheās like āmeh, whatever, come on inā, and oh yea, āhow do I get back to my room I canāt recall?ā. Ha yea right.
I canāt quite understand why she would tell OP anything at all unless the gfās friend was witness to them chatting each other up and noticed the stay in his room (someone else mentioned ādamage controlā).
She probably didnāt plan on the friend walking by the spa while they were there. So now thereās a witness.
In this case, a good step might be for OP to have a chat with the friend. Realistically, I wouldnāt do that. But if OP knows her too then it might be a way to get more facts.
They met, liked each other, and included the spa as part of their evening with the final spot back in his place.
This makes much more sense than a random/chance encounter, a bold naked dude, sheās like āmeh, whatever, come on inā, and oh yea, āhow do I get back to my room I canāt recall?ā. Ha yea right.
I canāt quite understand why she would tell OP anything at all unless the gfās friend was witness to them chatting each other up and noticed the stay in his room (someone else mentioned ādamage controlā).
She probably didnāt plan on the friend walking by the spa while they were there. So now thereās a witness.
In this case, a good step might be for OP to have a chat with the friend. Realistically, I wouldnāt do that. But if OP knows her too then it might be a way to get more facts.
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