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In terms of the financial situation, I would have to put him on child support because I wouldn't be able to survive on my income alone. Its a tough situation.

Like I told him it took both of us to have our children. Therefore, it takes both of us to raise them. Unfortunately he doesn't see it this way.
Of course he would need to pay child support he helped make them. That is the absolute least he could do. He needs to also help raise them. When you file for divorce you need to ask him if he wants joint custody or not. IF he says joint to make his bills lower then make sure he takes them when he is supposed to and give yourself a break. IF he doesn't take him back to court for modified support / custody arrangements.

He isn't going to change most likely. Have you asked him to not go out with his friends and watch the children?
 

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Discussion Starter #22
Yes, after baby number 2, we talked and we were both on board to have baby number 3. After baby number 3 we talked and we decided to go for baby number 4. When we gave our family the news that we were expecting baby number 4, he told ppl how he always wanted to have 4 children.

I have asked him not to go out as often, to cutnit down to every once in a while but he refuses. Also, he's not willing to take care of the kids. Maybe here and there but he doesn't watch them, he let's them do what ever they want. This is why I watch them all the time or I'll take them with me where ever I go.
 

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Yep you need a diet plan to help you lose 200+ pounds. See an attorney, make a plan, get out. Or at least when you file he will know you are serious have he will have a choice to make if at that point you are even willing to consider giving him a chance. I"m afraid I'd rather be alone than living with a lump of crap. And sooner or later most likely later you will find someone who will be a better partner.
 

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Yet, he does t seem to care about anything.
Just from this it sounds like a true clinical depression. He needs to see medical professionals for this. This is NOT just being tired of kids, or you, or anything else. This sign is one of the key ones for depression. Unfortunately, if he's not willing to go to the Dr., I'm not sure what you can really do for him. If you need to, consult with a few lawyers -- just to see what financial, custody, child support, etc. would look like for you and the kids. This DOES NOT mean you have to divorce him, but it should give you a lot of information for what it would look like if you have to leave.
 

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Yet, he does t seem to care about anything.
You've said that he goes out with his friends when the call. Does he seem to care about them and doing things with them? Does he care about his job?

Does he just not seem to care about you and your children, but have interest in other things?
 

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Discussion Starter #27
I'm afraid he is severely depressed.😔 he has interest in going out with the same group of friends who drink with him. They hang out and drink. He doesn't keep in touch with the rest of his friends who don't drink regularly. He is extremely responsible when it comes to his job. He won't miss work.
 

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I would say very few people realize beforehand everything that’s involved with being a parent. I certainly didn’t (and once my child was born I quickly changed the number of children I had been planning on having).
Yes, but they should know what it involves after first kid, and make more conscious decisions about it. If I had four children year after year, I would be deeply depressed. Having small children at home weren't my happiest years.
 
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Yes, but they should know what it involves after first kid, and make more conscious decisions about it. If I had four children year after year, I would be deeply depressed. Having small children at home weren't my happiest years.
Absolutely. I chose to have one child for that reason. I quickly realized I wasn’t capable of dealing with more than one. I have never regretted that decision. There are few things worse to me than disengaged parents. I gave 100% to my child and we are still very close. That wouldn’t have been the case if I had had more.
 

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Discussion Starter #32
He started working for the city about 2ys ago, if not a little longer. That's when I saw a drastic change in his behavior. He began going out to bars with coworkers after work... Everyday.
 

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@Miss Cloudy you need to prepare for a time when he will not be around because your concerns for his health are valid.

Is there anyone who he trusts who you could get to stage an intervention with your husband?

Is it possible he is having an affair?
 

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In terms of the financial situation, I would have to put him on child support because I wouldn't be able to survive on my income alone. Its a tough situation.
Confusing because you said you don't have any income.

But, I would admonish against you leaving the house with your kids. This could be considered abandonment by the courts and less leverage in getting the family home in the divorce settlement.

Stay in your home and go see an attorney right away. The attorney can petition the court for emergency maintenance, which means he will have to pay you child support and make sure to financially maintain the household per court order. Even though he is still living there in the house with you and the kids, the lawyer can still get you an emergency maintenance judgment. He can also petition the court for your husband to pay your attorney fees since you are a SAHM with no income.

Your husband has essentially abandoned his wife and children. You don't have to wait around for him to leave you high and dry, which is really going to be his next step, so no sense in you waiting around and allowing that to happen. It's time to get off the fence, get out of your feelings, and accept this situation for what it is. Be proactive on behalf of yourself and your children.

He will likely be mad as hell that you did this and become very angry. If he gets aggressive, that's the perfect time to get him out of the house. Call the police about anything he does - yells at you and/or the kids, calls you names, punches the walls, threatens you - anything. That way, you document that your home has become volatile and unsafe for you and your children. The attorney can then petition the court to make him find other residence. Or, the attorney will advise you to get an order of protection, which will also make him leave.

So, I said all of that to let you know you don't have to be scared and confused about what to do. You can have a course of action without worrying about 5 mouths to feed. But there's always the possibility your action will wake him up and make him realize he has a lot to lose. It's up to you if you want to give him another chance although I would advise against it because it could be, and likely will be, just a ploy to get you to stop the legal actions, only to completely abandon you afterward. Your husband is clearly way beyond caring. He won't have any empathy or sympathy, but he will make you think he does. He will cry and beg and plead and make all kinds of promises. It will be extremely hard for you to resist, but you have to resist because he will not be sincere.

But if you simply cannot resist, then at least be smart about it and don't stop the legal actions. Continue to make him abide by the court orders. No matter how much he cries and begs and makes promises, he has shown you that he can't be trusted. He's shown you how he truly feels about you and his children. So, if you must give in to him, then give him another chance to become a proper husband and father, but don't let him out of the court orders. Continue to be smart and look out for yourself. Don't let yourself and your children down by giving him another chance to let you all down.

I'm concerned with how many times you have mentioned his friends calling and he goes running. How do you know who is on the phone? And how do you know he goes running to hang out with his buddies? Do you know for sure it's not a woman calling? Oftentimes, friends calling is a ruse call for the girlfriend to get him out of the house so he can go spend time with her. So, how do you know who calls, and how do you know where he goes after those calls?
 

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You have done everything you can do. If he isn’t willing to help fix himself, you can do nothing.

Shock treatment is to separate.

Sorry for the position you are in. I have seen this situation before. Have never seen it work out.
 

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Discussion Starter #36
@Miss Cloudy you need to prepare for a time when he will not be around because your concerns for his health are valid.

Is there anyone who he trusts who you could get to stage an intervention with your husband?

Is it possible he is having an affair?
I honestly do think he is having an affair. In terms of him having someone he trust, I don't think so.
 

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Discussion Starter #37
Confusing because you said you don't have any income.

But, I would admonish against you leaving the house with your kids. This could be considered abandonment by the courts and less leverage in getting the family home in the divorce settlement.

Stay in your home and go see an attorney right away. The attorney can petition the court for emergency maintenance, which means he will have to pay you child support and make sure to financially maintain the household per court order. Even though he is still living there in the house with you and the kids, the lawyer can still get you an emergency maintenance judgment. He can also petition the court for your husband to pay your attorney fees since you are a SAHM with no income.

Your husband has essentially abandoned his wife and children. You don't have to wait around for him to leave you high and dry, which is really going to be his next step, so no sense in you waiting around and allowing that to happen. It's time to get off the fence, get out of your feelings, and accept this situation for what it is. Be proactive on behalf of yourself and your children.

He will likely be mad as hell that you did this and become very angry. If he gets aggressive, that's the perfect time to get him out of the house. Call the police about anything he does - yells at you and/or the kids, calls you names, punches the walls, threatens you - anything. That way, you document that your home has become volatile and unsafe for you and your children. The attorney can then petition the court to make him find other residence. Or, the attorney will advise you to get an order of protection, which will also make him leave.

So, I said all of that to let you know you don't have to be scared and confused about what to do. You can have a course of action without worrying about 5 mouths to feed. But there's always the possibility your action will wake him up and make him realize he has a lot to lose. It's up to you if you want to give him another chance although I would advise against it because it could be, and likely will be, just a ploy to get you to stop the legal actions, only to completely abandon you afterward. Your husband is clearly way beyond caring. He won't have any empathy or sympathy, but he will make you think he does. He will cry and beg and plead and make all kinds of promises. It will be extremely hard for you to resist, but you have to resist because he will not be sincere.

But if you simply cannot resist, then at least be smart about it and don't stop the legal actions. Continue to make him abide by the court orders. No matter how much he cries and begs and makes promises, he has shown you that he can't be trusted. He's shown you how he truly feels about you and his children. So, if you must give in to him, then give him another chance to become a proper husband and father, but don't let him out of the court orders. Continue to be smart and look out for yourself. Don't let yourself and your children down by giving him another chance to let you all down.

I'm concerned with how many times you have mentioned his friends calling and he goes running. How do you know who is on the phone? And how do you know he goes running to hang out with his buddies? Do you know for sure it's not a woman calling? Oftentimes, friends calling is a ruse call for the girlfriend to get him out of the house so he can go spend time with her. So, how do you know who calls, and how do you know where he goes after those calls?
Thank you for the advice. I appreciate all your help and support. . . Honestly, I don't know who's on the other line. Also, I'm not sure where he goes when he leaves. I just use the term friends because this is what he tells me. However, a few times I have caught him drinking at the bar down the street from the house. I don't know who he's with because I wouldn't go inside the bar due to me having my children. Note, the bar is in a shopping center. . .

It has crossed my mind multiple times the possibility of him having someone else on the side.
 

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Thank you for the advice. I appreciate all your help and support. . . Honestly, I don't know who's on the other line. Also, I'm not sure where he goes when he leaves. I just use the term friends because this is what he tells me. However, a few times I have caught him drinking at the bar down the street from the house. I don't know who he's with because I wouldn't go inside the bar due to me having my children. Note, the bar is in a shopping center. . .

It has crossed my mind multiple times the possibility of him having someone else on the side.
Could you afford a PI who can follow him and get photos of where he goes and who he is with?
 

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No, and honestly I don't think its worth it. His actions have left an imprint that can't be erased.
Are you saying that you plan to divorce him so there is no reason to find out if he's cheating?

Have you talked to an attorney?
 
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