Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 17 of 17 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
137 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I thought D day was divorce day but I guess it's the day you discover an affair. I get what I think is a panic attack randomly. It happens mostly if I try to verify phone records and emails. My hands and feet get really cold and I start shivering, my hands shake. Then my face gets really flushed and my respirations and heart rate increase. During the time I am of course very suspicious and paranoid my H is hiding something. It lasts a few mins and I am pretty tired after. Anyone else?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,798 Posts
Yes, not too long ago, I got them daily, multiple times a day. Since visiting a therapist though, and figuring a few things out, I feel a little more settled in moving towards a decision of how to lead the rest of my life, and the panic attacks have subsided a lot. Still get the odd one. They aren't much fun to deal with! I'd highly recommend that you go speak to someone, whether it be your family doctor, or a therapist to start on the road to healing.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,232 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,319 Posts
My husband had a serious panic attack right after my D-day and he was panicked because he had not told me even half the truth. He was scared to the point of me almost calling an ambulance.

It happened the night before his flight to Japan for 4 months. I had just discovered a LITTLE of his activity a month prior. He felt like he had to tell me, but that it was his last night at home before he left possibly forever. He was in tears, breathing was all over the place. He got red and terribly flushed. His temp was high when i touched him. He also would fluctuate to white and clammy. But he never puked.

You have anxiety, call your doctor. They can prescribe you something. Go to the er if you must. These symptoms can trigger a heart attack depending on health and age.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,405 Posts
You are emotionally torturing yourself. Seriously I feel so bad for you. Please kick him out. This is no way to live. Kick him out and get on with your life, and if he really wants to make the marriage work he will know how... through his actions not his words over a period of time.
Your self esteem is shot right now. A husband is not suppose to treat his wife this way, so don't allow it. Respect yourself enough to say you can't live like this anymore.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,502 Posts
I had those together with suicidal thoughts that just wouldn't go away. I got meds ASAP, that took care of both the panic attacks and the suicidal thoughts.

Let your doctor know. He/she will know what to prescribe!

If you don't see change after about two weeks, visit your doctor again. You may need a higher dose or different medication.
 

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
29,701 Posts
I thought D day was divorce day but I guess it's the day you discover an affair. I get what I think is a panic attack randomly. It happens mostly if I try to verify phone records and emails. My hands and feet get really cold and I start shivering, my hands shake. Then my face gets really flushed and my respirations and heart rate increase. During the time I am of course very suspicious and paranoid my H is hiding something. It lasts a few mins and I am pretty tired after. Anyone else?
Yes, I did. Every time my wife was late, every time I saw a bus -she had an affair with a bus driver and so on.

But they faded and eventually stopped.

Many years later I was triggered. By the door entry code at my then employer's office block.

If anyone had asked me what year my wife has cheated on me I could not have said.

Ehrn I keyed the code in the first time it hit me that the code was the year of her affair.

It all came back to me. A very unpleasant experience. But it went away eventually.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
137 Posts
Discussion Starter #9
I read your other thread and in this context I think your panic attacks are nature's way of urging you to part ways with someone who harms you. You'll just keep hurting until you won't.
Maybe. Obviously my body feels like it's under attack. It only happens when I am searching for evidence of some kind. I am terrified I might find something. That is no way to live. Phone records mean so little because there are so many ways to message without a trace. Not sure if it's worth it. I found a suspicious number texting until 11pm while I was at work. Had a mild panick attack and confronted him but he was able to show me the text and it was harmless. All that and I didn't find anything.

I pushed him and pushed him to tell me the details about what the OW told him at their last meeting. I heard part of the conversation that was D day 2. He said she was talking about her break up. He has been avoiding giving details. He doesn't remember. I know she was upset and he was trying to find an excuse to leave. Finally he gave me some details that creeped me out and I start shivering again.

I don't want the panicked attacks to stop yet since they are keeping me from sticking my head in the sand.

I had them before but didn't realize what they were until today. Crazy. They must be pretty mild and they are over before any meds would help. I am not depressed or suicidal. Depression doesn't really start until everything settles down.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,400 Posts
I thought D day was divorce day but I guess it's the day you discover an affair. I get what I think is a panic attack randomly. It happens mostly if I try to verify phone records and emails. My hands and feet get really cold and I start shivering, my hands shake. Then my face gets really flushed and my respirations and heart rate increase. During the time I am of course very suspicious and paranoid my H is hiding something. It lasts a few mins and I am pretty tired after. Anyone else?
From someone who suffered from general anxiety disorder from an "assault" at gun point, to long to get into here, that sure sounds like one. You should think about getting put on some medication at least for a short time.
 
  • Like
Reactions: MattMatt

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,400 Posts
My husband had a serious panic attack right after my D-day and he was panicked because he had not told me even half the truth. He was scared to the point of me almost calling an ambulance.

It happened the night before his flight to Japan for 4 months. I had just discovered a LITTLE of his activity a month prior. He felt like he had to tell me, but that it was his last night at home before he left possibly forever. He was in tears, breathing was all over the place. He got red and terribly flushed. His temp was high when i touched him. He also would fluctuate to white and clammy. But he never puked.

You have anxiety, call your doctor. They can prescribe you something. Go to the er if you must. These symptoms can trigger a heart attack depending on health and age.
You should have let him suffer.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,400 Posts
Maybe. Obviously my body feels like it's under attack. It only happens when I am searching for evidence of some kind. I am terrified I might find something. That is no way to live. Phone records mean so little because there are so many ways to message without a trace. Not sure if it's worth it. I found a suspicious number texting until 11pm while I was at work. Had a mild panick attack and confronted him but he was able to show me the text and it was harmless. All that and I didn't find anything.

I pushed him and pushed him to tell me the details about what the OW told him at their last meeting. I heard part of the conversation that was D day 2. He said she was talking about her break up. He has been avoiding giving details. He doesn't remember. I know she was upset and he was trying to find an excuse to leave. Finally he gave me some details that creeped me out and I start shivering again.

I don't want the panicked attacks to stop yet since they are keeping me from sticking my head in the sand.

I had them before but didn't realize what they were until today. Crazy. They must be pretty mild and they are over before any meds would help. I am not depressed or suicidal. Depression doesn't really start until everything settles down.
Just be careful because there is a chemical reason for them happening. It's like a allergy attack it can become acute and blow up into a whole disorder if you don't get some help.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,975 Posts
Sounds exactly like a panic attack, this is how mine started then got to a point breathing was very difficult. My doctor prescribed klonapin (unsure of spelling), they seemed to help. I can't urge you enough to see a doctor, it can and may get worse, and for a longer time period.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,319 Posts
You should have let him suffer.
Probably, I didnt know how far his cheating had gone at that point. So I was still both in shock and stress getting ready to be home with three kids all alone.

I don't regret my actions then. Guilt and shame was turning him inside out. another said he was worried abotu me leveling the playing field, Im sure he had some concern.... But i think he was more worried that I would dig for evidence, It was there in bank statements. Other email address etc. I think he also worried that time away would make me more inclined to not stay married.

lots of factors.

Sorry for the T/J
 
1 - 17 of 17 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top