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Your wife is right. Any positive or negative contact form you or anyone associated with you will encourage her to try again. No response is the best way to extinguish the attempts.

How are you? Why are you so shaken up?
 

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Discussion Starter #22
How are you? Why are you so shaken up?
I'm OK Catherine and thanks for asking. My wife is doing alright as well. We're spending our evening watching "Orange Is The New Black" and we are actually..OK in light of this intrusion back into our lives, but we will both see this through.

Why am I so shaken up? Simple...I'm terrified. All my life I have been emotionally stunted and have sought validation through women. I am early in my therapy and although I "knew" that there might be a time where this OW would foist herself upon me again...I secretly hoped I would never be faced with it because I've never been strong.

Today, I didn't hesitate to expose her to my wife....but I was still scared because I really didn't know how I would react and behave.

Something must be "sticking" from my lessons and homework. :)
 

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I've seen and discussed the "clues" about her viewing my linkedin profile, and then just the other day there was a join request submitted by her for my health and fitness FB group which I no longer admin anyway (deactivated my FB account), but today it was direct....

Today started well as I got up early to make it to my DBT class. This is the final class of the "Emotional Regulation" section before moving on to the next class. Anyway, class went well and I get back to my office, open my email....and there it is...



I immediately went home and told my wife. I told her I wanted to reply and tell her to no longer contact me in any way shape or form and that I am typing this reply with my wife in my presence and she know everything.

My wife simply asked that I do not reply and that I forward the email to her and she will handle it....so I did as she asked.
This OW is persistent, you did the right thing and have given much comfort to your wife. It is probably better if your wife handles it, so that she knows you are not keeping any secrets anymore. Kudos to you!
 

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I'm OK Catherine and thanks for asking. My wife is doing alright as well. We're spending our evening watching "Orange Is The New Black" and we are actually..OK in light of this intrusion back into our lives, but we will both see this through.

Why am I so shaken up? Simple...I'm terrified. All my life I have been emotionally stunted and have sought validation through women. I am early in my therapy and although I "knew" that there might be a time where this OW would foist herself upon me again...I secretly hoped I would never be faced with it because I've never been strong.

Today, I didn't hesitate to expose her to my wife....but I was still scared because I really didn't know how I would react and behave.

Something must be "sticking" from my lessons and homework. :)
MR I read your posts all of the time and you impress me as a very strong man and you can cook. :laugh:

FWIW wanted to give some feedback from one vantage point.
 

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I "knew" that there might be a time where this OW would foist herself upon me again...I secretly hoped I would never be faced with it because I've never been strong.
Well let's hope the OW is not a bunny boiler; probably not. But if it starts looking like a worst case scenario, I suggest you talk to an attorney and find out what you can do to to set her up for a RO. That might include sending her a cease and desist request.
 

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I'm OK Catherine and thanks for asking. My wife is doing alright as well. We're spending our evening watching "Orange Is The New Black" and we are actually..OK in light of this intrusion back into our lives, but we will both see this through.

Why am I so shaken up? Simple...I'm terrified. All my life I have been emotionally stunted and have sought validation through women. I am early in my therapy and although I "knew" that there might be a time where this OW would foist herself upon me again...I secretly hoped I would never be faced with it because I've never been strong.

Today, I didn't hesitate to expose her to my wife....but I was still scared because I really didn't know how I would react and behave.

Something must be "sticking" from my lessons and homework. :)
Dude, I really admire your honesty and introspection.

And, well done.

I know you'll have your wife's back if she decides to "unleash hell" on this woman.
 

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Running Mountain... Man Who Runs on Mountains... (oops, MountainRunner? :D)

You should be very proud of yourself for handling this in an above-board, honest, admirable way.

You removed any secrecy, gave all of the power back to your wife, and have been completely transparent. The OW is fishing big-time in a very despicable way.

Way to go! :yay:
 

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Discussion Starter #29
I'd like to thank you all once again for your feedback and support. I am working very hard on being the man, and husband I should have been for so long. I am working very hard on being mindful of my behavior. I am now questioning myself more. I find myself taking a "moment of pause" before acting on any of my feelings more often and when I do, I ask myself what the consequences of my actions would be. I'm trying to be more cognizant as to whether my emotion(s) are "true" or are they simply a manifestation of my disorder in an attempt for gratification to fill the empty void.

One more thing that I've noticed. I have never been entirely honest with myself or any of my partners. That ended some months ago as I committed to practicing "full disclosure" and you know what I've discovered? Being honest is "liberating"...I no longer have to make stuff up or remember things I've said etc.

It simply feels "good" not having to hide anymore. This is new to me, but I like the feeling...Thanks again folks and I hope I made sense with this. :)
 

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"No legacy is so rich as honesty." All's Well that Ends Well, Shakespeare
 
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