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7 Posts
Hi all,
I know technically we are not married but we are in a serious relationship and i would like to hear serious advice from people who may or may not walked in this road so i hope this post is ok
Before i explain my issue id like to give some background info;
we are both 21, this is my first serious relationship and it is his first AND first serious relationship and both in university. I had 2 relationship from the past one was in high school where a guy i was friends with broke up with his gf, he was really sad and i wanted to help him/had a crush on him so we out for a few weeks until he and his ex got back together so i was naturally dumped. Then the second time was at high school grad, i only went out with him because he wanted to bring someone to grad since everyone had a date and he was nice enough. However after grad he didnt want to be that guy that only had a gf for a night so our relationship tethered on for few more month until he went away for uni so it "naturally" came to an end.
Now to my current bf.
We meet through a mutual friend and hit off really well. He treats me really, really well, we have solid communication, loyalty, etc and despite little flaws that is in everyone i truely felt i would end up marrying him in the future and we would have a solid marriage because all our values match. However as the month crept by im beginning to not for sure and the nagging voices are becoming more and more frequent, and it is because of his weight.
When we first started dating i knew he wasnt the most skinny but he isnt fat either. But through our 1 yr relationship he has steadily gained some (not sure how much). This def became apparent when i went to his house for the first time last week and saw some of his childhood/graduation photos and lets just say he did NOT lose weight as he aged... the older he got the heavier he got... and at 21 he is sitting at 200+ pounds!!! and he is 5 feet 7!! and the majority of his weight is definitely concentrated around his belly and it is protruding out....
It is summer time now so when i walk around the university i see 20 some old guys with muscles, without muscles, but rarely anyone this overweight at early 20 so it must not be normal :scratchhead: ? I love my boyfriend dearly but i feel that his weight is going to be a problem because if he is over 200 pounds this young it cannot be healthy! How heavy is he going to be when he is 50? will he even be alive at 50? And he also loves children a lot we used to talk about what we would name our kids but now i try to avoid the topic because if we have kids what if our kids become overweight and unhealthy? I would worry for them too...
My bf is a stubborn individual and i also know that he will never change himself until he wants to, and nor do i have the right to demand that he change. It was also made clear to me a while ago that he is content with his body when i hinted at that he go and exercise (he did go but it didnt last) and he told me that he knows he is overweight (wants to lose some but it is obviously not a priority from his actions )but is happy with what he eats and what he do that he see no reason to change (he loves burgers and meat and cant live a day without them, and aside from studying he just sits around and browse the internet and occasionally play some games). He takes care of his appearences so he doesnt let himself go completely, just does nothing about his weight. Ive also lurked around weight lose websites and from seeing the dedication of some of their members how much they exercise to lose weight and how careful they count their calories and the routine they follow he will NEVER be able to do unless it becomes his top top priority which he will also NEVER do.
So basically it boils down to either i walk or accept his weight. From my earlier dating history after some soul searching i find that i care about my partner's feelings alot. Even when i know a relationship is ending i still dont want to be the one that hurts their feelings, so walking away is very difficult especially how well he treats me i feel so guilty just thinking about it because i cant accept him for his flaws when he can accept mine. Sometimes when i just walk around campus and see all the normal average weight guys walk around i think to myself that i dont need a toned, 6 pac man, there are so many average guys around that i dont mind dating a less perfect guy than my boyfriend but who is much healthier. Then i hate myself for thinking these thoughts because i know my bf wouldnt be thinking of trading me in for a more perfect gf.
Please criticize me and be honest with what you say. Do you guys think i may be over stressing the issue of his weight? Both his parents are not overweight so is there a chance that maybe he will stop gaining? For couples who have had weight problem/other similar issues like depression or maybe addiction was it the right choice to stay or leave? Did you guys regret your decisions? Sorry for the long post i just wanted to get everything out and gain some insight from you more experienced folks
Thanks for reading.
I know technically we are not married but we are in a serious relationship and i would like to hear serious advice from people who may or may not walked in this road so i hope this post is ok
Before i explain my issue id like to give some background info;
we are both 21, this is my first serious relationship and it is his first AND first serious relationship and both in university. I had 2 relationship from the past one was in high school where a guy i was friends with broke up with his gf, he was really sad and i wanted to help him/had a crush on him so we out for a few weeks until he and his ex got back together so i was naturally dumped. Then the second time was at high school grad, i only went out with him because he wanted to bring someone to grad since everyone had a date and he was nice enough. However after grad he didnt want to be that guy that only had a gf for a night so our relationship tethered on for few more month until he went away for uni so it "naturally" came to an end.
Now to my current bf.
We meet through a mutual friend and hit off really well. He treats me really, really well, we have solid communication, loyalty, etc and despite little flaws that is in everyone i truely felt i would end up marrying him in the future and we would have a solid marriage because all our values match. However as the month crept by im beginning to not for sure and the nagging voices are becoming more and more frequent, and it is because of his weight.
When we first started dating i knew he wasnt the most skinny but he isnt fat either. But through our 1 yr relationship he has steadily gained some (not sure how much). This def became apparent when i went to his house for the first time last week and saw some of his childhood/graduation photos and lets just say he did NOT lose weight as he aged... the older he got the heavier he got... and at 21 he is sitting at 200+ pounds!!! and he is 5 feet 7!! and the majority of his weight is definitely concentrated around his belly and it is protruding out....
It is summer time now so when i walk around the university i see 20 some old guys with muscles, without muscles, but rarely anyone this overweight at early 20 so it must not be normal :scratchhead: ? I love my boyfriend dearly but i feel that his weight is going to be a problem because if he is over 200 pounds this young it cannot be healthy! How heavy is he going to be when he is 50? will he even be alive at 50? And he also loves children a lot we used to talk about what we would name our kids but now i try to avoid the topic because if we have kids what if our kids become overweight and unhealthy? I would worry for them too...
My bf is a stubborn individual and i also know that he will never change himself until he wants to, and nor do i have the right to demand that he change. It was also made clear to me a while ago that he is content with his body when i hinted at that he go and exercise (he did go but it didnt last) and he told me that he knows he is overweight (wants to lose some but it is obviously not a priority from his actions )but is happy with what he eats and what he do that he see no reason to change (he loves burgers and meat and cant live a day without them, and aside from studying he just sits around and browse the internet and occasionally play some games). He takes care of his appearences so he doesnt let himself go completely, just does nothing about his weight. Ive also lurked around weight lose websites and from seeing the dedication of some of their members how much they exercise to lose weight and how careful they count their calories and the routine they follow he will NEVER be able to do unless it becomes his top top priority which he will also NEVER do.
So basically it boils down to either i walk or accept his weight. From my earlier dating history after some soul searching i find that i care about my partner's feelings alot. Even when i know a relationship is ending i still dont want to be the one that hurts their feelings, so walking away is very difficult especially how well he treats me i feel so guilty just thinking about it because i cant accept him for his flaws when he can accept mine. Sometimes when i just walk around campus and see all the normal average weight guys walk around i think to myself that i dont need a toned, 6 pac man, there are so many average guys around that i dont mind dating a less perfect guy than my boyfriend but who is much healthier. Then i hate myself for thinking these thoughts because i know my bf wouldnt be thinking of trading me in for a more perfect gf.
Please criticize me and be honest with what you say. Do you guys think i may be over stressing the issue of his weight? Both his parents are not overweight so is there a chance that maybe he will stop gaining? For couples who have had weight problem/other similar issues like depression or maybe addiction was it the right choice to stay or leave? Did you guys regret your decisions? Sorry for the long post i just wanted to get everything out and gain some insight from you more experienced folks
Thanks for reading.