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I am being a very jealous husband. I met my wife two years ago and we were instantly attracted. Shes really pretty and petite, and shes the first girl I have loved so much.
I have nothing to be insecure of, I have had more women in my life than I can count and my looks and my charms seemed to charm ladies always.
But after meeting her, my life changed. I wanted her, her entire being to myself and we started dating. We are extremely serious about each other.
Since I work a lot, she was missing me and I took two months off and we went on a cruise trip.
That period was really intense. I have been very passionate towards my girl during the entire time and she was really h0rny with me as well.
We kissed a lot and had sex daily. She was so affectionate. We would stay hours on the ship deck, making out and talking and joking. Many times we showered together.
Everything was great until I sensed my over possessiveness towards her.
There was a masquerade ball and some guy randomly got with her to dance. She wasn't willing but did a few steps as we had to switch partners, nothing wrong but I couldn't bear that sight.
We had a huge row. Shes submissive in nature, towards me, she wont argue with me. I was too angry.
She tried making me up, she hugged me and kissed me but I pushed her away.
I bluntly told her that shes all mine and reminded her of all the nights we spent together.
She spent the entire night crying. I felt bad and we made up and had sex but I really dislike her talking to men. I don't control her.
Am i being unreasonable? Look, I love her a lot and I cant loose her. Its hard for you to understand my point of view, her sight is enough to titillate any guy's sense.
I am 34 and shes 11 years younger.
Am I wrong here?
 

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Girls aren't like boys. We can actually be their friends without wanting to bang them. But you're a guy so you know what guys are thinking. If you hurt her a lot, she's going to wither inside and may fall out of love. Just because another guy danced with her doesn't mean she wanted to do it. She was just being polite.

My boyfriend doesn't let me talk to other guys either. I don't even care anymore, but sometimes I feel really really lonely.
 

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She wasn't especially keen to dance with the other guy, but did so to be polite, for a few steps. The result was that you were very angry, pushed her away when she tried to show you her love, and she spent the entire night crying.

Yes, that is being unreasonable, and over time this sort of behavior will tend to drive her away from you. It is controlling, if she can't behave normally toward other men in social situations without eliciting such a punitive reaction from you. You say you want her entire being to yourself and that she is all yours...but doesn't she also belong to herself? If so, then she has the right to talk with men in social situations, dance a few steps with them.

I get the feeling that your age difference and the fact that you spend a lot of time at work makes you feel a bit insecure about her, but it is clear from your post that she is as crazy about you as you are about her. Trust her! This will endear you to her more than being angry and rejecting will.

By the way, my husband is 10 years older than I and we have been married several decades. The age difference isn't a problem when you love each other.
 

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Yes, you are being unreasonable and excessively jealous.

This sort of behaviour will poison your relationship and drive her away from you if you can't get yourself under control. Lose-lose.

It's fine to be protective, and let her know that you are aware that she's very attractive, and could have other men if she wants them - but she doesn't need them because you're a) great and b) plenty of man for her.
If you're aggressive and controlling, it shows that you're insecure and makes you look pathetic, and no woman likes that for long.

As for 'can't lose her' - well, that's her choice, not yours. your trick is to make it an easy choice, in your favour.
Right now, looks like you're pushing her into a choice the other way.

Sorry if i'm being blunt, but I want to be clear.
 

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Girls aren't like boys. We can actually be their friends without wanting to bang them. But you're a guy so you know what guys are thinking. If you hurt her a lot, she's going to wither inside and may fall out of love. Just because another guy danced with her doesn't mean she wanted to do it. She was just being polite.

My boyfriend doesn't let me talk to other guys either. I don't even care anymore, but sometimes I feel really really lonely.
Why do you put up with this?
 

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You are punishing your wife for things she cannot control (men finding her atractive etc).

Yes you are being unreasonable.

Jealously makes you appear insecure, insecurity is not attractive.

Carry on this way and it will damage your relationship.

This is your problem, not hers. Find out what you are insecure about and fix it.
 

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Am I wrong here?
You're insecure, more than a clear-cut "wrong". Your reaction was correct for you at the time, but it showed neediness, and that can eventually ruin your marriage.

It sounds like you're caught up in the wonderful relationship you have and as a result are oversensitive to any perceived threats to the status quo. But give your wife a break - she did nothing wrong.

My advice: Unclench, let your bird "fly" a little, and I'm sure she will come back to you every time. Smothering her is not good.
 

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Bonus points for knowing enough to understand that yes, you're being too possessive. Keep it up, and you will be the reason she leaves, not some outside threat. Wouldn't the irony in that be delicious?

Now go fix it. Don't come back here a year from now crying about how you smothered your wife and lost her. This problem is yours to fix - starting with an apology to your wife for your past behavior, a conversation about how you will try to improve and how she might have to remind you, and a realization on both of your parts that you might slip up before you succeed.
 
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I'm very much the same way, only not quite as intense as you are. My wife knows I don't want her talking to other men in a social environment unless I'm present. She isn't crazy about it and we've argued about it over the years a few times but she's handled things pretty much the way I've asked her to for the 30 years that we've been together. The last "row" we had about it was 3 years ago. She hasn't left me so it can't be that bad.

The difference between you and me seems to be the anger. Over the years I've been able to control it, you need to do the same. The anger will cause problems between you two and if you don't get it under control you might find your self getting physical (and in jail) and without a wife.
 

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OP, if your wife didn't want to dance with that man, why didn't you tell him no for her? I've done this 3X for my wife. We have a boundary where neither of us dances with members of the OS outside of MIL/FILs. Also, why did you put you and your wife in a position where it would be an issue? Again, to use my situation as an example, a friend of my wife didn't use my wife as a brides maid b/c she would have had to dance several times with a grooms man.

Being possesive and jealous isn't bad in and of itself, but you took it too far by rejecting her when she tried to apologize. You both would benefit from a serious discussion about boundaries! Know exactly what is expected from the other when these kinds of situations come up (and it WILL come up again). Know exactly what the consequences are when when the "rules" are broken. Be willing to hold yourself to an even higher standard...NO EXCEPTIONS! Be on the look out for situations like the masquerade ball...if there is going to be a problem, avoid them. She knows where you stand on this now. I wouldn't go on a tirade about it again. One menacing look from you should do it...to lose your cool would make you look weak.
 

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Again, to use my situation as an example, a friend of my wife didn't use my wife as a brides maid b/c she would have had to dance several times with a grooms man
I am shocked that there are people out there who are seriously this insecure in their relationships . . . .
 

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This is absolutely the opposite of how you should be treating her. You have to let her breathe, the confidence you show and that you trust her 'know she would never leave you' will attract her even more. This behavior will absolutely not end in your favor.

Would you want to be treated like that? I think you are the one who needs to remember the love you share!!!!

My wife is a knockout. The only way I landed her was being confident in who I was. I keep that up because its a constant reminder that I'm worth it - because I know I am. Suffocating her and being afraid that any guy can take her away from you just makes you look weak and insecure, and eventually you'll push her away.

Trust me, I've made the same mistake in the past.

I would be upset if people WERENT looking at my wife.
 

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yes you are overpossessive. at least you recognize that. it must have been some row for your wife to cry all day. I agree with the above - apologize to her. You are smothering her and you know what happens when you smother something. It dies.
 

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This is actually pretty simple. Do His Needs Her Needs together. Agree on boundaries that you have with the opposite sex.

You throw in the spin that she is submissive. Well fine but that does not mean she can't be a big girl and have boundaries. You should not have to step in for her unless the guy will not take no for an answer.

So if you both agree that dancing with others is not acceptable then so be it. This is not a questiopn of whether any folks on TAM think this is a good boundary or a bad boundary. It is what you two agree to. Now if you have a complete disconnect on what are appropriate boundaries then guess what? You are not compatible. Compromising fundamental boundaries is not usually a good idea. Sure compromise in a marriage is good when deciding where to go for dinner but if we are talking fundamental belief systems past a point of self reflection your boundaries are your boundaries. It is not about peoples opinions as to you being jealous, insecure and controlling. It is about what you two are happy with.

Jealousy is not good or bad on its own. It is an emotion like any other and can be helpful or hurtful to a marriage.

Now you guys getting into an argument is not good. BUT if you have set boundaries in place this could have been avoided entirely.

Find you boundaries together as a couple and stick by them. Now if she agrees to a boundary and then is too submissive to stick with it, then you have real issues.

Good luck. This is pretty minor stuff. You can work it out.
 

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Again, to use my situation as an example, a friend of my wife didn't use my wife as a brides maid b/c she would have had to dance several times with a grooms man.
You know, I did the same thing many years ago. My wife's sister got married and my wife and I were engaged at the time, but I wasn't in the wedding party. I went up to the groomsman that my STBWife was paired with and told him that I would come to the dance floor with his wife any time the bridal party had to dance with each other and he could dance with his wife and I would dance with mine.

He looked at me and said: "I don't know if I'm going to do that, (the Bride) isn't going to like it".
My response was: "I'm not asking you to do this, I'm telling you to do this and you aren't going to tell (The Bride)".

It went off as planed, no one said a word. All future weddings had my wife and I paired.

I am shocked that there are people out there who are seriously this insecure in their relationships . . . .
Some of us don't want to give others the opportunity to take a shot at f**king our spouses.
 

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Some of us don't want to give others the opportunity to take a shot at f**king our spouses.
I hope you have a really long leash, 'cause the shots that will be made at f**king your spouse, if it happens, won't come on the dance floor of a wedding reception.

It will be the caring, consoling man she confides in at work or somewhere else about the claustrophobic marriage she's found herself in.
 
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