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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm going to avoid the other thread since it was stated that I was thread jacking. I felt I was simply sharing my opinion on the direction the conversation had taken. Regardless...
I can't stand the idea that other people feel it is their business to go telling other people in a marriage about a spouses affair. The idea that some think this is okay causes me physical pain.
Example: I don't know the people across the street that well, see them sometimes, but don't even know their name. If I had evidence that the husband was having an affair, it would not be my place to talk to the wife about it. I don't know them, I don't know their story, I would be wrong to interfere.
This is what I meant by only being able to say something if it was family or close friend. If I knew the person well enough and knew the relationship well enough, then I could feel it my responsibility to be involved.
Even if it were a situation where the husband were cheating with my wife. I might talk to him, might even punch him in the face, but I wouldn't tell his wife. I don't know her feelings on it, what she knows and doesn't know, or doesn't want to know, because I don't know her. How she wants to handle the whole situation is up to her.
At the same time, I would not want someone who I am not close to, telling me information about a potential affair. That is not the way I would want to hear about if I did not know. Significant information and events in life I want to hear about from people who I am close to and have a relationship with in life, not strangers or even people I have a poor relationship with.
Some people on here might say, "just give me the information I don't care how I get it." If someone meaningful in my life were to die, I don't want to hear about that from just anyone. Important things like that are left up to the people in my life to inform me about. Whether it is a death, an affair, or any other painful life event.
 

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We would all PREFER to hear bad news from a close friend or relative, but real life isn't like that.
If I hadn't been told about my Hs A from a stranger, I still wouldn't know the truth. Ignorance is not bliss. It is always better to know the truth. No matter where it comes from.
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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
You say we would prefer, yes there are times when things slip and you hear something from someone because they thought you already knew. That has happened to everyone at some point. But this topic specifically, I just don't think it is someone elses position to get involved with another persons marriage and impact it that way. People don't jump in and get involved in all of the other aspects of another couples marriage, why this one? You should either be someone who is involved in the marriage and talks to one or both of them already about details of the marriage, or you stay out of it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
One of the reasons to expose is to put an end to the affair. Affairs thrive on secrecy, on the thrill of the forbidden. The harsh light of exposure can shut down an affair when nothing else will.
But who said that was the whole of societies place to make that happen?
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
It is a great kindness to the betrayed spouse to tell them the truth. Many cannot believe that their spouse could do such a thing to them.
If you are friends with the spouse you are telling then yes, it is "kindness" of sorts.
But random people or a friend of a friend, those people don't just all of a sudden go talk to spouses about their marriages and the details of it. It is not my place as an outsider of that marriage, to determine what is right and wrong and good and bad for it.
 

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You say we would prefer, yes there are times when things slip and you hear something from someone because they thought you already knew. That has happened to everyone at some point. But this topic specifically, I just don't think it is someone elses position to get involved with another persons marriage and impact it that way. People don't jump in and get involved in all of the other aspects of another couples marriage, why this one? You should either be someone who is involved in the marriage and talks to one or both of them already about details of the marriage, or you stay out of it.
Not even the OWs husband? He didn't know me, didn't owe me anything!
I'm so glad he didn't keep it to himself!
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Even if it were a situation where the husband were cheating with my wife. I might talk to him, might even punch him in the face, but I wouldn't tell his wife. I don't know her feelings on it, what she knows and doesn't know, or doesn't want to know, because I don't know her. How she wants to handle the whole situation is up to her.
I could not disagree with you more.
You "might" talk to him? Please don't over react sir! You might talk to him?

I would absolutely expose to his wife at the earliest possible time.

As to others? Depends. A relative of a close friend I would most certainly talk to.

Continue on. We disagree on most of this stuff anyways so nothing new here.

I do what I think is right. YMMV. I need no ones permission to do so.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Not even the OWs husband? He didn't know me, didn't owe me anything!
I'm so glad he didn't keep it to himself!
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I'm glad you were happy he did, but the reality is that he should have focused on his own marriage and whether or not it should continue.
 

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One of the reasons to expose is to put an end to the affair. Affairs thrive on secrecy, on the thrill of the forbidden. The harsh light of exposure can shut down an affair when nothing else will.
:iagree::iagree::iagree:
 

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In my opinion when it comes to exposing an affair..specificly when a spouses gets busted with a married AP...it really helps keep an eye on thing from both ends.

I mean I could keep an eye on my wife and the other betrayed wife could keep an eye on her waywards husband.

In addition it really helps end the affair when the wayward husband start to trow my wayward wife under the bus to save his own marriage.

When one exposes to the other betrayed spouse notes can be compared and a joint effert can be made to pull out as much truth as possible.

These are just four exambles why I thing exposure is a must. Exposure IMHO really bring the secret,taboo, and exciting affair into the light of day.

What ever it takes to make the affair as inconvienent and uncomfortable to continue must be applied and exposure is one of many tactic that a betrayed spouse needs to take.

I've been here long enough to have seen what happens when exposure is not done. The poster comes backing kicking him/her self for not taking this route when d-day #2 or #3 happens.

If the guys my wife was screwing were married I would have exposed in a heart beat!
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I could not disagree with you more.
You "might" talk to him? Please don't over react sir! You might talk to him?

I would absolutely expose to his wife at the earliest possible time.

As to others? Depends. A relative of a close friend I would most certainly talk to.

Continue on. We disagree on most of this stuff anyways so nothing new here.
Oh my gosh. The insistence of this by everybody at the MB site is one of the reasons I left there. How anyone could believe this way, makes me hurt, physically my stomach clenches.
A relative of a close friend? Really.
If a close friend of mine told me about it, there is no way I would go talk to that persons spouse. That person trusted me with what the said, I am their friend, I need to keep that information to myself.
 

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I'm glad you were happy he did, but the reality is that he should have focused on his own marriage and whether or not it should continue.
You are focusing on the marriage now that a third party is in it.

I thinks thats why my FWW never went with married guys, she didn't want to be part of another marriage, her's was crap enough, she didn't to be part of two crappy marriages.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
You are focusing on the marriage now that a third party is in it.

I thinks thats why my FWW never went with married guys, she didn't want to be part of another marriage, her's was crap enough, she didn't to be part of two crappy marriages.
The person cheating with another married person is getting involved in that marriage yes, but the BS is not involved in that marriage.
 

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I wouldn't have a problem exposing an affair to an acquaintance so long as the betrayed spouse didn't have a reputation for violence.

By exposing it I give them the information that person needs to decide what to do with the marriage. If they decide to stay, that's their choice but at least the person knows the truth of their marriage. It's a safety issue too. The betrayed spouse can get tested for sexually transmitted diseases, which can be fatal in some cases.
 

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Oh my gosh. The insistence of this by everybody at the MB site is one of the reasons I left there. How anyone could believe this way, makes me hurt, physically my stomach clenches.
A relative of a close friend? Really.
If a close friend of mine told me about it, there is no way I would go talk to that persons spouse. That person trusted me with what the said, I am their friend, I need to keep that information to myself.
If a friend told me he was cheating on his wife, he wouldn't be a friend. I don't dig liers, and to have an affair you have to lie, other wise its not an affair but an open marriage.
 
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