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Hi guys I’m new here. Been married four months now, no kids just us. My relationship with his parents is awkward, a On and Off kinda thing. Anyways I feel like our communication sucks!

Long story short yesterday he got in from work and I greeted him at the door all happy to see him and he gave me this nonchalant vibe in return. It honestly hurt my feelings so I just sat in the living room and surfed the internet on my phone while he continued in the bedroom to pick up the phone to call his grandmother- he spoke with her for a brief 5minutes until he hung up with her to continue on to calling his mom and spoke with her for about 10 minutes.

Yes I absolutely felt some kind of way about that because I greeted him in high hopes that it would kick off a nice conversation between us but instead it didn’t and he had the audacity to go call them before sparking up a convo with his wife....I made a comment to him saying “well when are you gonna come talk to your wife” and he got all mad saying “I was on my phone” basically using that as an excuse but the only reason I continued to use my phone is because the cold shoulder he gave me.. Please tell me I am not over exaggerating this??? How would you feel?
 

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Hi guys I’m new here. Been married four months now, no kids just us. My relationship with his parents is awkward, a On and Off kinda thing. Anyways I feel like our communication sucks!

Long story short yesterday he got in from work and I greeted him at the door all happy to see him and he gave me this nonchalant vibe in return. It honestly hurt my feelings so I just sat in the living room and surfed the internet on my phone while he continued in the bedroom to pick up the phone to call his grandmother- he spoke with her for a brief 5minutes until he hung up with her to continue on to calling his mom and spoke with her for about 10 minutes.

Yes I absolutely felt some kind of way about that because I greeted him in high hopes that it would kick off a nice conversation between us but instead it didn’t and he had the audacity to go call them before sparking up a convo with his wife....I made a comment to him saying “well when are you gonna come talk to your wife” and he got all mad saying “I was on my phone” basically using that as an excuse but the only reason I continued to use my phone is because the cold shoulder he gave me.. Please tell me I am not over exaggerating this??? How would you feel?
He is not a mind reader!
Of course you are over exaggerating the whole thing.
"the only reason I continued to use my phone is because the cold shoulder he gave me" Why would you play these games with him??
That a dead end road.
I'd feel like I can talk to my mother or grandmother whenever I want to, Do you not live with him?
Get over yourself......He's not a child.
4 months in and he gets this....wow.
 

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I think this a red flag that early on you guys need to work on communication before it gets out of hand and causes lots of problems in the future! I think, he should have told you he was going to call...considering he was gone all day and just came home, I think that was rude to basically ignore you and go phone family right away. If he had a bad day, or was tired...he should have still greeted you nicely and and said how he was feeling, and that he just wants to call a couple people real quick. And you...you need to learn to speak up when something is bothering you, rather than go "surf the internet". Tell him how you felt hurt, that you missed him and were excited to see him, and that you felt he ignored you. It's really early in your marriage, so seriously, work on your communication!
 

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Hi guys I’m new here. Been married four months now, no kids just us. My relationship with his parents is awkward, a On and Off kinda thing. Anyways I feel like our communication sucks!

Long story short yesterday he got in from work and I greeted him at the door all happy to see him and he gave me this nonchalant vibe in return. It honestly hurt my feelings so I just sat in the living room and surfed the internet on my phone while he continued in the bedroom to pick up the phone to call his grandmother- he spoke with her for a brief 5minutes until he hung up with her to continue on to calling his mom and spoke with her for about 10 minutes.

Yes I absolutely felt some kind of way about that because I greeted him in high hopes that it would kick off a nice conversation between us but instead it didn’t and he had the audacity to go call them before sparking up a convo with his wife....I made a comment to him saying “well when are you gonna come talk to your wife” and he got all mad saying “I was on my phone” basically using that as an excuse but the only reason I continued to use my phone is because the cold shoulder he gave me.. Please tell me I am not over exaggerating this??? How would you feel?
Yes, you are being overly sensitive.
 

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I know he is not a mind reader! Never said he was. The point I was making is why ignore me like I’m not here and go call family before speaking with me? Yes we live in the same place!!! He could talk to whoever he pleases but the whole situation was disrespectful in my eyes!
 

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It seems weird to me that he would call his grandmother and mother so soon after getting home. Is that something he normally does? My first thought was that there was some urgent reason he need to talk with them and that was on his mind as soon as he got home.
 

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I know he is not a mind reader! Never said he was. The point I was making is why ignore me like I’m not here and go call family before speaking with me? Yes we live in the same place!!! He could talk to whoever he pleases but the whole situation was disrespectful in my eyes!
I would advise you slow your anger roll and work the problem. I heartily agree that greeting at the end of the day or whenever you re-join each others' space. But it is entirely likely that it never occurred to him. Can you just talk to him about it rather than losing your noodle on him.
 

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Does your husband often come home and act indifferent towards you? If not, maybe he had a bad day at work. Does he frequently call family members before sitting down with you?

It's rather hard to figure out with so little to go on. If this was a one-time thing, I'd say you are being oversensitive. If he has a habit of behaving this way, then I'd say you need to discuss it with him to find out why he's doing it.
 

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I know he is not a mind reader! Never said he was. The point I was making is why ignore me like I’m not here and go call family before speaking with me? Yes we live in the same place!!! He could talk to whoever he pleases but the whole situation was disrespectful in my eyes!
Are you saying he didn’t speak to you at all when he walked in? If that was the case, it would make sense for you to ask your husband what was wrong, rather than to ignore him back.

If he spoke to you but was nonchalant, then perhaps he had a rough day. Simply ask him to communicate that to you if that happens again, because if he doesn’t it makes you overreact.
 

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Long story short yesterday he got in from work and I greeted him at the door all happy to see him and he gave me this nonchalant vibe in return. It honestly hurt my feelings so I just sat in the living room and surfed the internet
I am betting there is something else going on that needs talking about. You mentioned his parents. Perhaps that needs sorting out?

Beware of that "I felt hurt so I just withdrew" reaction.
 

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#MeToo
I do exactly this all the time. I'll make an attempt to open a conversation. Get blown off, get ignored, get no reply. So I sit down and play a game . . .
She reads because I'm playing, I'm playing because she is reading. This is after 30 years. We at least have the excuse that we have already had all of the convos we need.

Sometimes a thing that works is touching while talking. If you react to his vibe by touching his shoulder, or holding his hand, it can focus his attention on you.
 

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I know he is not a mind reader! Never said he was. The point I was making is why ignore me like I’m not here and go call family before speaking with me? Yes we live in the same place!!! He could talk to whoever he pleases but the whole situation was disrespectful in my eyes!
Unless you want to be constantly miserable, you need to pick better hills to die on.
 

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I know I got all up in your grill from the get go....but I did that to get your attention.
"But it is entirely likely that it never occurred to him"....This is exactly whats happening.
He's not reading your mind and understanding your intent.
He IS getting your passive aggressive cold shoulder.....not a good idea, BTW.
 

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I know he is not a mind reader! Never said he was. The point I was making is why ignore me like I’m not here and go call family before speaking with me? Yes we live in the same place!!! He could talk to whoever he pleases but the whole situation was disrespectful in my eyes!
I agree with you. Why does he feel the need to call family right when he walks in the door instead of conversing with his spouse? Doesnt make sense. If he needs decompression time when he first gets home, that I understand, but calling your mom about your day isnt decompression time. You need to speak up about this now, or this is going to develop into a pattern in your marriage. I have been in marriage where I was ignored, and I have to tell you that it sucks, and is no way to live. So it is imperative that the two of you communicate your needs to each other.
 

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over exaggerating? about like using a sledge hammer to crack an egg.

your behavior is something I would expect from todays modern snowflake generation......betting you are under 25 years old.

so he went and made a phone call when he got home. so what! just maybe for one second in the outside world that doesn't revolve around you, he had something to attend to.

if you came here complaining every time he gets home you get dissed and he runs off to call mommy, that would be one thing. but that's not what we are talking about here.
 

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he gave me a cold “hey”. I responded “how you doing”? And once again another cold one word response. So I withdrew from that point.

He continued to the room to call his grandmother, they laughed and had a good conversation. After that was over he called his mom and again laughed and had a good conversation with her as well so I don’t think it was a bad day that he had.

His mom and I had problems in the past that I thought was resolved but unfortunately she’s very wishy washy so I never know which side of her I’m gonna get.

The whole situation left me confused.
 

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he gave me a cold “hey”. I responded “how you doing”? And once again another cold one word response. So I withdrew from that point.

He continued to the room to call his grandmother, they laughed and had a good conversation. After that was over he called his mom and again laughed and had a good conversation with her as well so I don’t think it was a bad day that he had.

His mom and I had problems in the past that I thought was resolved but unfortunately she’s very wishy washy so I never know which side of her I’m gonna get.

The whole situation left me confused.
the whole he did X, so I did Y thing is a relationship killer.

you have to understand that your REACTION is 100% within your control.


not saying he was "right" for his behavior when he came home. but adding fuel to a fire is never a good thing.
 

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the whole he did X, so I did Y thing is a relationship killer.

you have to understand that your REACTION is 100% within your control.


not saying he was "right" for his behavior when he came home. but adding fuel to a fire is never a good thing.
I totally agree. It also makes a difference if this is a pattern or not.

If my hubby did that I would ask him calmly later on if he'd had a bad day and if there was anything I could do about it. If he continued to brush me off, I would approach him with it in a more serious manner.

I also find that getting angry about something when you don't even really know what the something is, never does anyone any good.
 

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I can understand you being somewhat confused because he sounded fine when he called his grandmother/mother, but basically cut you off when you wanted to know what's wrong

It sounds to me like he's pissed about something you did. Since he's not letting you in on what the problem may be, I'd suggest you wait until he chills out, then ask if there's something you have done to make him react in such a cold manner.

All you can do is inquire in a non-confrontational way and then hope for the best. OTOH, if this is his way of "communicating" on a regular basis, I'd say you are in for a lot more of the same.
 
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